Day 842: Your Own Worst Enemy

What’s gotten into me is an enemy in fact, when intimacy seem to be the thing that we lack, where the truth about things is always correct and exact, but over looked when asking the question, “Did I do that”, your own worst enemy is the ‘I’ in the mirror, as seen through the eyes as mirrors of one another, on the wall in our minds we mural one another, and place images of them being the blame for us, where in a God we trust outside of ourselves, with made up promises to take things out on them, when I’ve created the world of me around myself, but play the victim to not take responsibility. Its heart felt when going through depression and anguish, where the pain is excruciating to say the least, when using blame that ends up feeding the beast, it makes me my own worst enemy.

We get mad when sabotaging the relationships we have, in hopes the relationship would stay the same, while the relationships we have with ourselves is estranged, which makes us deranged from having our life in order, where the follow of some rules is a self-sabotage, a mirage that the mind use to massage us to sleep, and while asleep we damage the very essence of our beingness, that most don’t realize we have but say, “I think, therefore I must be the mind I am”, I react and so must be the anger I feel, I feel and that makes me an emotional person’, without considering could these emotions be the enemy of me, that I use loosely and perpetuate in a moment of confrontation, as if to confront ‘why am I doing this to me’, but by never asking the question why am I doing this to me, makes us our own worst enemy.

Self-Position and Placement we create an enemy of, especially when stepping into a situation blindly, and find that it’s getting beyond my ability to direct, and expect things to magically sort themselves out, then pout about things not going the way we expected, in protection of the idea we have about self- placement, but wait, if everything would work itself out, we’re quick to shout out loud, “YES, I did that”, with the claim, “Right place, right time” all the time, which shows that I’m the curator of where I go, and the people I meet and the interactions I have – that when accepted as a self-placement become a correction of the past.

Before last but not least it’s the idea of feeling empty, that I need something to shake up this world of mine, with all I know in it, once friends of mine that has shown me in so many ways my own human nature, without knowing they were doing so, but pushed aside, thinking I just don’t need them in my life, and so place as an enemy them in my mind, to continue on chasing after a self-interested buddy, or a friend who would always be on my side, lying to myself about having fulfillment, while feeling guilty about having no fulfillment, so turned to guilty pleasures to stop feeling empty, that only drain me more from being complete, all this while thinking I’m awake but sleep, in the sense of not looking inside myself to deep, but stayed on the surface of how people see me, and here I would remain within a point of defeat, never once consider being my own worst enemy.

What’s not realized is that anything outside of investigating oneself is the exacerbation of being our own worst enemy, where it’s actually easy to agree with what some have to say, if what they say is a pointed out fact, without wanting to react, or lash back out at them, for showing us what we’ve done to others, that obviously we’re still doing to ourselves, or else it wouldn’t be perpetuated towards us by them, where we may say, some people are just a**hole, but what about the holes we drag others in, and down to our level because of embarrassment, it becomes a clear picture for me when seeing things this way, that if I accept this point of responsibility, others won’t have anything to say, that would correct our relationships and stop the sabotaging within it, to spend every moment being here in the present, and if every moment is being spent here in the present, lessens the chances of me being my own worst enemy, because I’m seeing and correcting these flaws within me, to reach my utmost potential to be a friend of me.

To be continued…

About carltontedford

In Process.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s