Day 746: Breathing Room

In relationships, the words, ‘let me think about it’, is usually followed by needing space, then into sleeping in separate beds or rooms, because now all of a sudden, I don’t like the way you click your feet when we’re sleeping that wakes me up in the middle of the night, and plus you snore, which wasn’t cared about before, but now a problem. Where the “Yes honey’s” turns into “What’s up”, a hard adjective of an answer to the question let’s talk, stating I really don’t have nothing to say to you, (that’s not said), to coming home late from work claiming they kept me late, smelling like beer to take off the edge, while sitting on the edge of divorce, because I need breathing room.

But the breathing room that’s needed is really from the suffocation of a thought that uses as a restriction, the idea that no one really cares and “I’m here all alone”, with seemingly no way out of a mind pattern I’ve followed for so long, of helplessness, that leads to the defecation of s*** getting worse if not checked and corrected, and dissected into time frames of occurrence in investigating how did I get to this point of a mind possession, that seem to last a lifetime, but only for few minutes, I mean “step back I need breathing room”, the same as saying “Hold on, I need time to think”, then forget to breath again, in this repetitive cycle that never ends until we end it.

What happens is we create all these scenarios of wrong doings in our minds about our partners or mates, fraternizing in some other place with some one else that’s not us, and believe it to be true, then after a while realizing how we were wrong, because when we got home they were just in the shower and couldn’t answer the phone, but still think there must be something going on, and over time we continue to do this without saying anything to our partner about it, in what we’re experiencing and why this is so, and so suppress it that makes it hard for us to breathe, and because of the embarrassment of not wanting to be seen as the one at fault, we’d rather throw in the towel, because now the guilt is eating away at our flesh that hurts, but look for ways to point out their flaws and rub their face in the dirt, just to in the end, say; “I need some Breathing Room”, and state the obvious, “It’s not you it’s me”, which leaves out partner dumbfounded, wondering, what did I do.

It’s overwhelming how we all sit in the middle of a situation and try to think our way out of it, believing we’re the only ones that places together scenarios from movies into our reality and don’t think nothing about it after we find out we were wrong, then say to the person next to us; “You know what I was just thinking”, when experiencing this taking place, then place emphasis of laughing our way out of it, instead of the WOW of it, to look for ways to stop this from happening by taking a step back and creating breathing room.

Admittance is the key that unlocks the investigation into oneself, that no matter what anyone else thinks, what I write is all about me, because it’s not you who can change me, but me giving myself breathing room (away from the mind) long enough to see, how I have created this me that I often talk about, and with vulnerability being one of the vantage points of change, you shouldn’t be ashamed for me, join me in walking your own journey to life for yourself to see just how much breathing room is need in between a mind we have created as ourselves and who we really are as the Flesh (Self) as life. Therefore, I Stop and I Breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/perceive/believe that I needed breathing room from others in my world, within relationships of the past, that I’ve sabotaged with such thoughts, that’s been passed, without realizing the breathing room that’s needed, is between me and the thoughts of a mind I have defined myself to be/as, too embarrassed to take responsibility as the thoughts that came up in me, about what I perceived that wasn’t real, but still haunted me till this day, that’s being shown in a way of thinking I need breathing room away from any problems I face, instead of creating this breathing room by facing/correcting and walking through them, the problems in any case and remaining with breath while doing it. That way breath in every moment is realizing, to start seeing with my real eye, the breath of life that is me.

Thanks for reading.

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Day 745: “The Must”

Wow, Writing in all its uniqueness, is a way of bringing things to life, in a way you can’t when only thinking about what to say/you hear or make sense of, in a puzzled mind frame, where every pixel is dictated by the adjacent thought that helps formulates the picture one is trying to see, but through writing, is where the why and how the picture fits and come together is laid out, as the source code to one’s own life, and if used correctly, the walking through and out of things becomes simplistic, that I’m realizing.

For example if given a broad spectrum of things to work on in one’s own life, assisted through a question asked by you and given and answer as such, initially we get the gist of it, but what I find is, not only until after I really sit down with myself and write it out, do I really understand what was being shown to me, as in the connection point between what I am experiencing and my actions leading up to the experience, to be able to change these patterns effectively and efficiently.

Coming from a place where writing was a form of resistance for me, school to me was as a job of sorts, unable to Jump On Board with the ideas presented in text books, I learned the basics, but had a world full of my own ideas in my head, waiting to come out to be expressed and live, but suppressed because there was no correct answer given that I could see at the time, but until I was out on my own as an adult, did I see the necessity for remembering things.

But still the only way I chose to express myself was through recited metaphors, learned from gathered information that I let pile up in my mind, because of not having any other way to lay things out before me, being that I put writing in the back seat along with all the other things I resisted, which also made it nearly impossible for me to formulate my words effectively within the midst of a well needed conversation with someone i.e. relationships and conflictual situations with others in my world, where for most that’s when all else fails and you want to fight.

Unable to distinguish the true from lies, because I kept no script to investigate the difference within them and even when I wrote something down (back then), it was only poems of grandeur with grand schemes of escapism, plans to leave the bad of my past behind and jump into a new life, that (to me) was only possible through money, having it, and making a lot of it, and so I did, but didn’t write out a plan to keep it, and lost it, along with my ability to make effective decisions, because it was all contingent on the money I had, and not who I would discover myself to be, through writing.

When looking back and seeing all the signs that was in my face (to write), from almost every girl I dated kept a diary that surprised me, and even a roommate I had keep a Journal of things to not do, which also surprised me because he followed through with it, but didn’t dawn on me to follow suit, I thought the figuring out was only done through what I saw out there with my eyes, not looking inside myself to see that I created what I was seeing, I mean if I had known writing would do this for me, lol I still probably wouldn’t have did it, because of being trapped in my own interpretation of what the world is and what I thought I needed to do to get ahead and so suppressed the point of really getting to know me, by not writing.

But who would have known, after all these years of going through fears, the very thing I revered the most, would be the thing I needed the most, and so like doing the most, that opened up the most in me, that wouldn’t be possible if it wasn’t for the simplicity of the Desteni Tools, that has change my life in so many ways, to on longer being afraid to talk about things – that I am now a constant work in progress from day to day, and that’s why I have a lot to say, because writing Helps me to figure things out and so to me defined as, “The Must”.

Thanks for reading.

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Day 744: Only what You can do for Me. Exempts the Like of Others

If you were to tell me something I can agree with, I would like you very much, is how we have ordained our relationships, Ministered as a feeling of comfortability or like equals like, meaning I like you because we think alike, exacerbating superficiality over a self-corrective reality, to hold each other accountable for our own actions, which is love in fact, that’s infatuated with compromise, meaning I’ll come with you despite your promise of lies, that’s shied by the way you make me feel, and a crooked smile, that somehow seems to catch me off guard everytime.

I like them, because they make me laugh. I like them because they agree with everything I say. I like them because I can have a good conversation with them, although I do most of the talking. I like them because they make me feel special and good about myself. I like them because they got my back. I have to like them because they’re my family members. I like them because they can keep a secret. I like them because they dress nice. I like them because of what they have/possess that I don’t. I like them because everybody else likes them and don’t want to be seen as the only one that don’t. And the best excuse of them all = I like them for who they are, when I really don’t even know myself, now imagine taking away the like part and any attachments you have to it, would we still associate ourselves with/to the person in question?

If like was lived as an expression by all, would we need to get something in return for being around and/or doing things for others, which is where the age old Karma thing (of being a good person towards others) comes into play, which is interestingly enough a point of wanting a good life, with no money troubles as a reward to get our way, where the things we do is not necessarily what we would like to do, but when seen by others, is commented on as having a good heart, and so we soak it up, into (ironically), forcing like upon ourselves, because if no one was around, we would just walk or drive right on by, without batting an eye.

Even people that’s close to us, do we really like doing things for them, or is the things we do for them, based on what they can do for us, which exempts the like of others, meaning I don’t really have to like them, I’ll just do things for them and hope they’ll continue do the same for me, but when all else fails; “I can’t stand them because they broke my trust”, which is added onto with lies of hurt, anguish and pain, and will do just about anything in our power to see them pay, for simply not returning the favor, “So be careful with me”.

Meaning I’m insecure and rarely let anyone this close to me, lol, outside the person last week and the week before that, where we’ve heard it all before, because we’ve perpetuated this once before, and/or as many times as we can remember, without any correction that would be a first for most, but instead be the first to boast about how many likes I got on social media, and mad if someone don’t like our post, but ask yourself did you like theirs first?

I mean as within, so without, where on a globe scale, we have allies that we tell all lies to, claiming that we like you through peace treaties, while sending spies over to their country to make sure they hold up their end of the bargain as a Pact made, that only impact a few in a good way, and all other countries we could care less for, because they have no bargaining power and nothing to trade anymore, that we don’t already have or have taken away from them, where in sin we started and in sin we’ll end, if we don’t sort out this Like problem.

Interesting how in reverse, Like becomes E-kil or better yet Energy Kills the more you chase after it, where we have defined the words ‘I Like you’ as an energetic experience waiting to be obtained, and if the other person repeats the phrase, let the games begin, into creating relationships based on a feeling, and when the energy becomes overwhelming, we have sex about it and start the same process all over again, which puts a stamp on the main reason why we like this person.

The coercion we use on one another worsen everytime, like a bad sore left untreated and over time becomes infected and spread this infection as an affection for others, that effect the way life is supposed to be lived, as give as you would like to receive, not give as you would like to be seen giving, then praised for living in one moment the way you’re supposed to be living, always.

Where our likes and dislike, should be based on what’s best for all, which obvious include you and me, first and foremost – that when each one follows this commonsensical principle, the whole of humanity will give birth to real Love, in fact that shines through the blind spots of the world, that’s not seen in your face or talked about, that would equalize what real like should really be like, and not that of a momentary energetic feeling. [Note to Self-]: Come to like the Process you’re walking, Not the lifestyle you’re living, to change the experience of you.

Thanks for reading.

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Day 743: Being Present, an Unpopular Demand

When escapism is in full demand, as the art of getting away from Here without moving a muscle or lifting a finger to go anywhere, I can do it all upstairs in my mind, as the preoccupation of wasting time, that stops me from seeing with clarity a way out of what we get ourselves into, that demands our Presence in order to move through it and not around it, which is suppression, that only comes back around 10-fold the more we suppress it.

Is it really boring to be here with ourselves, to not have any thoughts about someone else festering around in our minds to be used as a point of blame, because it just feels easier that way, instead of being ashamed of the way we precariously place ourselves in such positions, that demands our presence to get ourselves out of.

What happens is during the search for answers to our questions, when seeing how we put ourselves in such a position, we tend to bring up all the wrongs we think others have done, in their lives (that doesn’t have anything to do with us) and compare ourselves to them, then wonder why nothing has happened to them, but us, then blame the Universe/God/The Elements/different Entities or Deities that this is unfair, I mean how can this be, I’m walking my process, and the hard pill to swallow is that we know why this is, and so become envious in a way towards those in other locations, who’s walking their own process in their own way.

And that for some is what takes us back, in wanting to mimic what they’re doing, with the belief that I can get away from and/or not have to experience the consequences to what we’re facing, which is a very slippery slope, if one chose to go down that path, that has probably crossed the minds of many of us at one time or another, which stems from not being Present when walking through some of the things we face.

What’s not realized, is that there’s a difference between thinking your way out of something and walking through and out of something, where the picture of thinking, lies to us as a good idea of something to do in the moment, as a band aide (that has minimal effect) to the gaping wound of a problem we’re dealing with, and so make a compromising decision to once again follow the pretty picture of resolve in our minds, and find ourselves more entrenched within the problem.

Where on the other hand, walking through and out of the problem, houses the specificity of not missing a thing, which at times may seem like a waiting game to reach your resolve, but during this wait is where it all goes down (per se), but up if we use this time wisely, to correct anything else that comes up within it.

Interesting point that I easily missed when thinking I was looking at different options I had, but not only that, these options of mine turned into distractions of the mind, that pushed aside the clarity needed for me to see where I’m stepping, when walking through what I’m facing, like a pair of foggy glasses, that’s fogged up with thoughts of others and what they’re going through, instead of what they’ve walked through that I can learn from that.

Point being, if I’m going to be in my mind it should be as my mind, to recollect and follow the steps of those who have gone before me, that have walked through points that I currently face, and in any moment of occurrence have a cool cross-referencing point to start from, in walking myself out of it.

And by seeing it this way, stops me from following the formulation of random thought about others when they come up, by simply asking myself, ‘what can I learn from this person/thought coming up right now, in adjacent with what I’m facing, and if nothing Forgive and delete., making being Present for me a Popular thing to do and place to be, Right Here, Right Now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/perceive/believe that a resolve to any problem is to think my way out of it, that would show itself as a form of distraction, that I didn’t see would veil the point of clarity in seeing a clear path ahead on the road to correction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the prolonging of staying within a problem I was doing to myself, by being in my mind thinking about other and the wrongs I perceive them doing, then compare myself to them, in saying why isn’t nothing happening to them, to some unknown force or entity, as a complainer of things being unfair, which is only an excuse of validating the resistance I experience to facing myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not be present and focus on a sustainable resolve to what I face but allowed my mind to go haywire with ideas of grandeur as quick ways to get myself out of things, that only placed me deeper into the problem.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that if I’m going to be in my mind it should be as my mind, to recollect and follow the footsteps of other who have gone before me, that has walked through points that I currently face, to in any moment of occurrence have a cool cross referencing point to start from, in walking myself out of it, and if there’s nothing I can learn from the person/thought that comes up, in adjacent to what I currently facing, then forgive and delete, so I can see with clarity the correction to the points I’m facing. Which in turn makes my being present a popular demand, in the state of me.

Thanks for reading.

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Day 742: When Seeing This Coming and Doing Something About It.

Where some don’t I will that motivates me to keep going, when all else fails and hell I live in it, with all the rest, who can’t seem to get any rest, meaning I can’t get no sleep when regressing back into the old me I used to be, frustrated at the awareness I now have, telling ourselves did I really want to see this, when all else seems to enjoy living in ignorance is bliss of the past, that nowadays (to us) is but a passing fad, that won’t fade away quickly, comparing ourselves to a past space and time in the same place we’re in now that doesn’t work out too well, so we rebel to no avail, to in the long run have to start all over again, while creating the walk through this perpetual hell.

Excuse driven, that there must be something I missed from my past that’s driving me to come back to it, when taking out of context the scripture; “Investigate all things and keep that which is good”, adding on to the expounding idea of, following my weaknesses thinking that they’re my strengths, and exposing my strengths believing that they’re my weaknesses, that’s in reverse, and just so maybe I’ll get a bit of sympathy, when thinking I should have taken the blue pill first.

Disregarding the drive that started us out on this Journey, inquisitive and full of ambition in the seeking of what’s really going on, and when the truth of things smacked us in the face, we let it sink in, to become it in fact, guided by the stories of how time was created that made sense to us when all else failed to, claiming ‘this resonates with me’, ‘let me learn the lingo and talk about it’, to see if this could catapult me straight into change, then along came self-forgiveness that had always been there, but experienced a hesitation when realizing more work had to be done, and within a momentary pause we weighted out our options, but continued on to not be seen as a quitter, and pushed back quietly with the lingo we spoke and slowly started to stop being the first one’s to speak, to just agreeing with what’s being said, because this truth is really the truth and now I’m seeing that I’ve created this for myself.

As the red pill dissolved and I started investigating myself, it was hard for me to face what I was seeing in me, but kept on going and corrected many points, until the consequences started taking a toll on me, but held back the reaction and stood stable for a while but became too comfortable living within the stability I was in, too comfortable in a sense of thinking I had it all figured out, which created a monotony as my daily routine of things.

I didn’t see where this was headed, to getting the big head on my own, to not being able to see or stand when new things were being shown to me. It’s like I had encapsulated myself into a mirrored dimension, unable to grasp onto any new points of correction, that was so carefully placed, by those who see more than me, that had walked this path before me, as a gift waiting to be unwrapped and put on ready to fit, for any interest I have and don’t see my way out of, but veiled it with the Idea that I know what I’m doing, and later on couldn’t face the fact that I didn’t know s***, and so became too proud to say all of this to all, and excommunicated myself on to something else. Like Wow…

Easily unseen and often times Not corrected, we lose sight of the progress we’ve made over the last so many year or so, what tends to happen is a few things, where I could see a disbelief start to form in the mind of an unbeliever, because I’ve experience the same thoughts of ‘What’s the use’ and wanting to take what I’ve learned and use it the wrong way, to get my way/chance to experience a great life, then start believing I can, but within that belief, lacks the consideration for all those who don’t/didn’t have the opportunity we have/had to realize a different way, so it simply won’t work, but yet and still we choose to run away and seclude ourselves, with our backs turned in the corner trying out our little tricks, that only treats the mind. To me it’s not worth given up my point, position and placement of progress in my process, period.

The overwhelming affect of being defined by friends all our lives, plays a major roll in whether or not we stick with what we choose to do or not do any longer, in our life of survival, where because of a moment of being overzealous and blabbing our mouths about what we were shown to see then realized as us, to others in our world, we lost a lot of friends, so when the next one comes we choose to say nothing that somehow lessen our participation, to keep this person around, but leaves a bad taste in one’s mouth, as I have experienced and found myself rushing back to my process again, but yet and still if not careful, it was said that the Ego will take it’s revenge, but I choose to no longer go where the Energy Go, but to face everything that I’m seeing and experiencing as the consequences of me and come out on the other side all the better for it, but boy it’s a lot. Lol.

Thanks for reading.

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Day 741: I’m Good

The thinking of Godhood in a way, where just as long as I do my good deed for the day, and take heed to the laws of man, places me one step above others, but in fact veils the 99 percent of bad that goes on in one’s mind on the daily basis. But “I’m good” as in I’m alright, means I’ve become comfortable with spiting others with all my might, to not uncover what’s really going on inside me, therefore they can’t be trusted, in my eyes and believe the lies I told myself to justify my own lack of self-control, and so want to control those in my world who scares the s*** out of me, because I can’t read them like I do all the rest, instead would rather deceive them as a form of test, with my goodness, then kill them with kindness, just to find the weakness within.

We’ll do just about anything to get what we want, and feel there’s a need to be good to get it, which stems from childhood saying “I’ll be Good”, when your parents threaten to take something away, and when you do something good you’re told ‘Good boy’, that we now tell dogs who looks at us crazy, but unconditionally conform to what we’re saying, in light of a treat as we were treated, to following commands and don’t ask questions, when following the carrot on the string hanging over our heads.

They say “Good Boys” finish last, while ‘Good ole Boys’ run things and every girl wants a “Bad Boy” to even them out, as a protection and defense mechanism to lessen the threat, just as long as they keep being good to me, but we was trained this way to protect our vested interest, or better yet to protect the feeling that’s being given to us, and if the feeling stop coming, then your goodness was for nothing, followed by the claim that you wasn’t good enough for me.

After the change we want to stay in their ‘Good Graces’, just in case we can go back to the ‘Good ole days’ of reliving the past and get a second chance again, to find in the end that things are just the same old way, of perpetuating the good to get what we want, but this time being taunted the whole way through, and desperation is what keeps us freebasing for Love that somehow never comes through.

So we start to question the decisions that we made and want to do something about it, saying “My Goodness”, I mean “Goodness gracious”, why did I ever allow this, and where is karma when you need it the most, for all the good things I did for them, and stay stuck within the idea that Ima stay good to attract somebody better than them, and remain that way, good karma never comes until we’re blue in the face, because we didn’t face our facetious Mind and all the deceit that has taken place.

Moral of the story is, all the good you do won’t make a place for you in heaven, when heaven is but a program within you, that’s a spam of deceit, when deceiving yourself into believe we had good intentions, when all the while what we’ve done is limited ourselves from living good as an expression, that’s treating others as you would like to be treated, to give your life a new direction.

Then life would be good, because I’ve placed myself within and as the goodness of life, by investigating all things and keeping that which is good, and eradicated all my spite, but obviously I’m still a work in progress because I’m writing about it and will continue to write to right my wrongs, as a stand to doing something about it, without a doubt to experience change when all said and done. How about you!

Thanks for reading.

• Cool Interview – Reptilians – The Force of Good (Part 1) – Part 94

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Day 740: Things Unseen (Perspective)

Are the things we cling onto from our past that comes up in moments of passing time, as far back as we can remember that seems harmless, but harness the truth of what we have accepted and allowed, from what we’ve said and/or did in elementary school toward that kid in our class, that we still do today towards others in our world, that has now become second nature of our human nature of separation, where in spite we stay, despite feeling indifferent about our actions, to what we thought yesterday about someone halfway around the world, to wanting to see what the future holds for me, and if thought about too much could alter the present, that creates our future from a past tense perspective, and lessen or chance for expansion/growth and development.

What we don’t see with our eyes is often time shown to us through pain that we didn’t see coming, but feel it extensively, that causes a reaction as a defense mechanism, that in fact stop the thoughts we were participating in and redirects our focus back on me, to start the process all over again in the next moments to come, how am I experiencing me, now that I’m seeing these ‘unseen things’?

Meaning all pain doesn’t come through not eating right, but not thinking right for what it’s worth, where from a thought could manifest calcium and plague build up in the arteries of limbs, that’s called Atherosclerosis, where over time plague hardens and narrow the arteries, making it hard for blood to flow through your veins, and if your heart stop pumping, so do the systems inside you, so why not correct if from a different point of view.

Where if I’m the thinker of what I put in my body that react to it in a certain way, makes me the thinker of my own demise = the thoughts I think are not healthy for me, which encompasses all past memories I still bring up today, including the ones I wish would fade away, that has position themselves in a peculiar space within my mind and body as the things unseen, which means I have the power to correct that to, making the statement ‘you did it to yourself’ the truth of things, and if the truth reside within me, then the answer is me and all I have to do is lay it out in front of me, to see the real me that’s not only seen with my own two eyes, but subtly felt inside whenever I focus on me.

So, the point is to focus more on our breathing when thoughts and old memories comes up, to not live and let live the recreation of a past that’s long gone and should be forgiven, and unconditionally let go of, to get the most out of the present, when now seeing clearly the way things is, that has bogged us down and falling down within it, then looking up from in it knowing that it is possible to figure a way out, without doubt as an obstacle or some sort of spectacle, that’s correctable when seeing things from an inverted perspective, meaning what am I not allowing myself to see, when looking at ways to enhance the best of me to reach my utmost potential and blend in with life, that’s our inherited right when realizing to live what’s best for all in Oneness and Equality, which starts with me seeing and correcting the ‘Things Unseen’ in my own life. As we all are, a work in progress.

Thanks for reading.

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