Day 442: Compliments (continued)

Compliments-continuedPreviously on Compliments:

in looking back at it, it all stemmed from the repeated Compliments I heavily received from this guy in the beginning, which opened my eyes to the true nature of what we have accepted and allowed Compliments to be/become, almost like telling someone “I love you”, with a hidden self-interested meaning behind it, where in the end, you realize it was all a ploy/plot for something else, to get, to have, to obtain for self-interested reasons.

A polite expression of praise and admiration, is what’s tended or meant behind a Compliment, thing is one then becomes cocky/get the big head and/or think they’ve reached a level of dominance in a way, then become used to receiving these Compliments and limit oneself to the praise we receive from others, becoming self-righteous towards others, building oneself up to be let down in a major way, I mean, I fell for it hook line and sinker, then sunk into a depth of self-pity and disempowerment, once I stopped receiving these Compliment and was woken to the true nature of a Human being, this Human being and as things unfolded I saw the intention, how and why, things was being directed towards me and in such a way.

After I was then aware of what was going on, I saw this person do it to different people, one after another then another, where I had to look within myself to see where in my world have I existed the same way, where I would verbally praise someone the turn around and cut them down immensely in the next moment and although I didn’t find that I had done this towards other to such an extreme externally, I have Complimented someone and have had excessive thought about them internally afterwards, which is basically the same thing when you look at it, opening the door for it being done unto me, but worse.

From then on I’ve made it a point to watch closely when others would give me Compliment, if it wasn’t in relations to self-change or handling any situation effectively, but any other Compliments I am weary of and in some cases ask for an explanation as to why you’re complimenting me, and on the other hand, I’ve come to watch how/when and what I Compliment others on/about, as on both ends at times it may or may not be the best thing to do, in the moment.

So what I realized is there is fine line between giving and receiving a genuine Compliment to or from someone or it being that of self-interest, which has consequences, so for this;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give and receive compliments as if they were going out of style, where I would give a compliment only if it suited my self-interest, in example telling someone in passing, or even going out of my way to tell someone they look good and would accept all compliments no matter the reason behind them and would derive energy from receiving them, thinking “Yeah I’m better than others”, look better than other, which I now realize, I let my ego step in, becoming cocky and stuck up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to derive energy from receiving compliments from other, as this was my way of judging myself as acceptable or not in conforming to what society deems as good/bad, cool or no cool in social standing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I’m better than other, look better than other, as I let my ego set in, becoming cocky and stuck up, because of the compliments I was receiving.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for judge myself as acceptable or not in conforming to what society deemed as good/bad, cool or not cool, which shows that I was living for what people would think about me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live for what people would think about me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, in being gullible fall for the compliments I was receiving, from an individual I was working with, to the point of becoming comfortable and expected them to keep coming, as I really thought this person was a cool friend for all the compliment they were giving me, not realizing that I was being set up for the fall and fell right into the ploy/plot that was being perpetuated towards me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have expectations in thinking that someone is on the up and up, when they are giving me compliment and look forward to receiving them all the time, that is until I had a wakeup call and realized how I was accepting and allowing myself to be deceived. Within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be deceived by the compliments I was receiving.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have given someone a compliment verbally, then later on internally had these excessive thoughts about them, which shows that I was accepting and allowing the same to be done unto me, but worse.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that compliments are to be given unconditionally, with no expectations or hidden reason behind them, as this would imply that I am still wanting for something, looking for something that I haven’t given myself, and thus will accept the complaints of others and it’s now plain to see the amount of self-interest involved in giving and receiving compliments, so;

When and as I see myself giving and receive compliments as if they were going out of style, where in giving, I would expect to receive something in return, out of self-interest, and in receiving compliments I would derive energy from them and start thinking that I’m better than others, look better than others, separating myself form the compliment itself and becoming self-righteous as if I was dominant in the areas I received compliments on, I stop and breathe. I see/realize/understand that compliments are to be given and received unconditionally, without any expectations or hidden agenda, and as an expression of acknowledgement with what someone has done, that was an effective way of doing something and as a genuine acceptance and praise of a person’s personal self-growth/expansion/development.

I commit myself to redefining the word compliment to that of an expression of acknowledgement with what someone has done, that was an effective way of doing something and as a genuine acceptance and praise of a person’s personal growth/expansion/development, to be given and received as such.

I commit myself to no longer placing myself in the position of being and accepting random compliments from others for self-interested reasons, as I see/realize/understand, this is only a fall waiting to happen, where I then tumble down the rabbit hole of emotional turmoil, with is not cool, so;

I commit myself to being aware of when receiving compliments from others, accepting them if in the context of being genuine and to question what I may see as a less than genuine compliment.

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Day 441: Compliments

ComplimentsFor what, is the question one should be asking, when one is quick to give a Compliment, I mean what are you really saying, when out of the blue; “I like the way you did this and that or the other”, but… doesn’t constitute a Compliment, “Girl you look good”, because I want you to say the same thing to me, no genuineness, which brings up the starting point of what do you really want, but don’t get me wrong, there is a such thing as a genuine Compliment, given far and few in between, I mean you’ll know it when you see it, such as “I like the way you handled that situation”, one of the few but rarely given Compliments that means something (if it’s what’s best for all), almost everything else is you Complaining to me, but what you Meant to say is, “I still exist at a leave of jealousy, Envy, Spitefulness, which causes me to be angry with you, because I don’t like you and don’t want to tell you that, so instead I’ll say; Hey I like the way you did this and that, to make you feel comfortable, while I devise a plan to put you down at the right time and in front of everyone we know”.

I mean wow, this I have experienced being done toward me, where it’s like the honeymoon period in a relationship, where you meet a friend through a mutual friend and during the time you spend with this friend all he does is give you compliment on everything, the way you dress, the way you look, that way you act, what you buy, what you I have, to the point of you becoming wayyyy comfortable in letting your guard down and thinking; “Hey this guy is really cool and a good friend”, then all of a Sudden, BOOM, things start going downhill, let me explain. Say you guys work together, live together, which in this case we worked together in a Music Recording Studio, where his friends (during the honeymoon period) became my friend, then all of a sudden one day they started looking at me crazy to responding to me crazily, to not responding to me at all, then to top it off our mutual friend who owed the studio came to me saying that I need to get along with this guy (out the blue), now my response was dumfounded, in saying “Huh”, which he then proceeded to tell me, this guy said, I don’t like him and that I was jealous of him and so on and so forth, (in a nutshell) which wasn’t true at all, but the thing is , in looking back at it, it all stemmed from the repeated Compliments I heavily received from this guy in the beginning, which opened my eyes to the true nature of what we have accepted and allowed Compliments to be/become, almost like telling someone “I love you”, with a hidden self-interested meaning behind it, where in the end, you realize it was all a ploy/plot for something else, to get, to have, to obtain for self-interested reasons.

So within this I had to look within myself, at where have I given a Compliment to someone with a hidden reason behind it for doing so and will continue in my next post.

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Day 440: Control Vs Communication

cONTROLvS-cOMMUNICATIONIt seems that the only thing we say to one another these days is; “It’s either my way or the Highway”, meaning take a hike buddy, if you don’t do what I say, it’s my rules under my roof and if you don’t like it, get out, and if you’re down and out, you have no choice but to follow suit, I mean what a hard way to live, where (once again) damned if we do and damned if we don’t, in using control as a method of reasoning, which is not conducive to an effective relationship of any form , girlfriend/boyfriend, husband/wife, friend or foe, we spend most of our lives, looking to control a situation, when all we have to do really is ask a question to the person/people/individual you’re trying to control, guaranteed the outcome would be best for both parties involved, but we don’t see it, being that the control factor has been embedded within and as most of us since childhood, which then become hard to break.

We believe if we don’t take control of the situation, everything will fall apart, not realizing that we are already setting ourselves apart from ourselves, seeking to control ourselves as the face of our friends, partners, associates, family members, animal or nature. I mean it’s something how when fear creeps in, we try to control it, but ends up suppressing it, then project this onto others, where we then yell and scream at one another, which is our way of dealing with this fear, but when the deal is done, we lose that someone/something we cared “so much” about the most.

Odd isn’t it how we automatically assume someone to be a certain way, do a certain thing towards us, that we then take personally and not communicate about the matter with them and when asked, what’s the matter, we say Nothing, we then revert back to this fear and want to control the situation, we’ve just created in our mind, by let’s say ignoring the person we believe is ignoring us, which when we finally get around to talking to them, we find that we we’re completely wrong for thinking such a thing, I mean shouldn’t control be directed toward self. Get a grip, control yourself, is what I remind myself when going into such a mind possessed state of wanting to control someone/something or the situation.

Ok so the other day I was on a chat with some people and the topic of discussion was Control Vs Communication, which was really cool, but what was interesting was, later on I was R.S.V.P’d to a function, where almost every person I talked too, in some way or another brought up this same topic of Control Vs Communication, I mean a pretty fascinating evening, where this guy was telling me how he likes to be in control of the situation, in relation to being ignored by his daughter, where he wholeheartedly believed she didn’t appreciate what he had done for her throughout the years (just now) and thought she didn’t want to spend time with him and so on and so forth. What brought things into perspective for me was, his daughter had just got a job, so the spare time she had was slim to none, realizing this, he couldn’t stop, bringing up one thought after another, in thinking something is amiss between us, I then asked him, did she tell you this? He said no, but I feel… I then showed him how he was creating all of this in his mind and that what’s up here in your head is the illusion, but what’s Here in front of you is real, meaning to communicate, go and asked her, schedule something with her instead of letting your mind control what you think, so later on he then walked her to her car and came back like; “Man you we’re right, all I had to do was to communicate with her” and it worked out, which was cool, but being that we are too attached to our mind, a moment later, he them brought it back up again (with a new twist), unaware that he was doing so, but understood, what he had done.

I mean wow in real time how our lives have come to the point of being controlled by our minds and not realize that we are, this is where Self-Communication is warranted, but when these words come up (Self-Communication), we think, “Crazy-Person talking to themselves”, so how do we expect to be able to communicate effectively with one another, if we don’t know how to communicate with ourselves.

The down fail of most if not all my relationship, was wanting to control what others did, said and/or the way they behaved, instead of communicating, I made demands, in which I Damned myself right out of the relationship and ended up alone. Goes to show that control should never be an option when dealing with oneself in another, but as I found out the hard way, after the fact, if I would have only opened up and effective line of communication, then the controlling factor would have been subsided within me in a way, where I would have probably saved more of my relationships. Thanks for reading

Learn how to Communicate and take Control of your own life HERE.

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Day 439: The Whole of Existence Is Watching

The-Whole-of-existence-is-watchingSo there was this movie that came out a while back called the Truman Show, where the main actor (Jim Carey) was born in a world of his own, unaware that he was being watched, by the rest of the world, (which actually kicked off the whole reality show craze). Then he started to realize certain things being repetitive and out of place and to make a long story short eventually woke up to the fact that he was being watched and found his way out of this world and into the real world. Goes to show that you never know that you’re being watched.

I mean have you ever had the feeling that you’re being watched, when no one is around? Do you think that everything that you think about is a secret and what would you do if you found out that the thoughts you think in your secret mind are not a secret, being that everyone in existence has had the same thoughts to come up in their minds at one time or another throughout their lives, the same as you?

I mean we look at each other and not say a damn word to one another, but think the same thing about each other, standing there in each other face just smiling, but talking towards each other internally, of course no one is a mind reader, but you yourself know what you’re thinking. Have you ever been wrong about something then told yourself; “Why did I just think that”, so if everything as who we are comes from the earth, the it should be obvious that everything around us is us and aware, which means the whole of existence is watching.

A fascinating thing that we do is, try and hide what where thinking from ourselves, where let’s say a bad or dirty thought come up in our mind that we don’t want to see, we then blink our eyes and shake our heads like “No” I don’t want to think that’, well if no one is watching, why do we feel the need to stop ourselves from thinking this bad/ dirty thought, what this shows is that (simply put) there’s something within us that knows that we are being watched.

I mean take the God thing for instance, where in religion. We say, God sees and know all/everything, so we better watch what we Hear, See and Say, I believe the saying is “Hear no evil”, “See no evil”, “Speak no evil” and whole heartedly believe that someone/something is watching our every move, well guess what there is, but this is, is yourself outside of you, assisting you to stay Here, out of your mind, and if you don’t believe in any God, the same ting applies to Santa Claus, where we teach our children this illusion of a story, as the song goes; “You better watch out, you better not shout, you better not cry, I’m telling you why, Santa Claus is coming to town”, then “He SEES you when you’re sleeping, he sees you when you awake” and so on and so forth, so in a way the evidence is there in all kinds of way for you to see, that the whole of existence is watching.

Once I started realizing this, my whole perspective on things changed, where now not only do I watch what I say, hear and see, but what I Think as well, which I would say is the most important of the four, and where self-honesty comes into play, where even when you’re alone by yourself and those bad/dirty thoughts come up, just remember the whole of existence is watching and you can’t really fool yourself, so you have to deal with them. What I realize is that if I let them persist, I then start feel pain in different places in my body, showing me that I’m in my mind again, so I had to write it out, find out what I was still holding onto that triggered these thoughts to come up, then release them with self-forgiveness and walk my corrective action, meaning to live what I will and will not accept and allow myself to continue to hold onto (As per my commitment to Self), that at times trigger these thoughts from coming up within and as me. The point is that I had to ask myself am I going to keep trying to manipulating myself or not? So now when I’m around people or if I’m by myself, as a reminder, I tell myself to remember, The Whole of Existence is Watching.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and manipulate myself into thinking that I could hide from myself in the corner of my mind, thinking that I can get away from admitting to the bullshit that comes up in my mind, which doesn’t work.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that the whole of existence is watching, from the perspective of being that I came from earth along with everything else that’s Here, means that everything around me is me, which is the rest of existence, hence the whole of existence is watching.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I can get away with the little thing that goes through my mind, without stopping it, that there is no consequence, which I then would feel pain if I let it persist, as my body was showing me that it was aware that I’m in my mind, that I should get out immediately.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand that, being that everything we do has consequences to them, shows the fact that we are being watched as the guardians of ourselves, by ourselves, so that we may wake up and realize who we are as life as everything around us, which is standing up for ourselves and forever doing that which is best for all life…

Thanks for reading

Desteni.org

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Day 438: Anything can Trigger a Memory

Any-thing-can-trigger-a-memoryFor the longest, I’ve always wondered how I would have all these memories popping up what seems out of nowhere in my mind, I mean I would be standing there, walking somewhere or sitting, doing what I’m doing, then all of a sudden a sound or a random thought, a song or a picture, something I see would start my mind to racing and generate/trigger a memory that I have stored somewhere within my body to come up and replay over and over again in my head. Being that I am aware of this, I then become frustrated and start saying Stop or No I Stop, but by that time it’s too late and the memory becomes stronger and louder (with sound effects and everything) all the bells and whistles, to where my frustration turns into anger, where I get mad at myself, because they’re just not stopping at my command, so I’ve been doing it this way for the longest time, which obviously never really worked, Hmm.

So then I started doing self-forgiveness out loud, but only after the memory would come up, which would work, for most part in stopping the memory and releasing myself from it, which was cool I might add, but how am I still allowing them to come up in the first place, where does it all start from, in other words, what’s they’re point of origin, because although I’m able to release myself from them in the midst of them already be ing there, I would save myself from a lot of headaches, if I could stop them before they got to the point of me having to do self-forgiveness in the midst after they had already came up.

Interestingly enough I saw and realized this the other day, where I was in the bathroom and had just finished taking a shower, at the sink having a shave, so when I turned the facet off the water drips, (with timing) sounded exactly like a sound that I used at the beginning of a song that I had created for this artist a few years back, as if the song was playing in the sink, which really got my attention, when the actual song popped up in my head the very next moment and started playing from the beginning through, as I watched it a lightbulb came up of, I’m having an “Ah Ha” I see moment, ok this is where the memory stems from and so now that I see this, I’m able to do something about it, which is, whenever I hear something, see something/look at something that brings up the RE-Mind me of… factor, where one re- MINE they’re physical body looking for a memory that fits the description of what you just saw and or heard, I do self-forgiveness at that point, the point of no return, where the memory won’t come up and won’t return because you’re cutting it off at the roots, and being able to see that just blew me away, so in that moment I applied self-forgiveness out loud and then in written text a bit later on, and haven’t heard from that memory since, it funny because even right now I couldn’t tell you how that song started if you were to ask me, I mean I just can’t remember for real, so that’s the realization I had.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand that memories are triggered by what you see, hear or think.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/perceive/believe that by doing self-forgiveness in the midst of the ongoing memory, that it would stop the memory from coming up, not realizing the I needed to go to the root cause/point of origin of the memory and eradicate it from there.

I forgive myself I have accepted and allowed myself to be baffled as to why these memories wouldn’t stop on my command of saying Stop’ or No I Stop, then become frustrated that they wouldn’t stop and angry at myself for not making them stop, as I see/realize/understand that my mere frustration and anger was fueling the memories and making them stronger and louder (with sound effects and everything), all the bell, and whistles.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize to slow myself down enough to be able to see the origin of these memories and how they would formulate, so I could get to the root cause/point of origin and stop them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let what I see, hear and think about, when standing, walking somewhere or sitting down doing what I’m doing, to trigger memories to come up within and as me in relation to what I see and or heard.

And I know this may sound foreign to some, but memories only keep us in a perpetual time loop of going back/wanting to go back and repeat the past, skipping over the present/the Here and Now to re-live our past as our future, that’s why nothing New is ever being made, but only re-invented, for example, I was driving yesterday and saw a billboard coming soon another Ben Hur movie, I mean, how many times have this movie been made and remade, only with a different twist, keeping us stuck and used to the past, so by allowing these memories, we’re limiting ourselves to what has been and not seeing where we’re head, which makes the evolution of self, but a figment of one’s imagination, there is no self-expansion, no self-development and no self-growth, because we’re stuck within our memories.

One must remember that these memories are not who you are, but what you’ve been through, to get to where you’re going. They show the patterns of what we have accepted and allowed in our worlds and reality and in this world and the reality that we live in as a whole, so that we may change the nature of our ways, to be able to see how we created this mess, to stop reliving the past and Create and live in a better Future that is best for all of us, all life.

Desteni.org

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Day 437: On the Ropes

On-the-ropesIn boxing when a guy is on the ropes, it may seem that the fight is about over and if the guy is not strong enough, he might give in/give up before being knocked down, what happens is the crowd that was rooting for him then turn against him and start looking for a knock, while Booing the person on the ropes and screaming/yelling “Knock him out”, “Knock him out” to the aggressor in the match., insinuating if you’re going through things, who’s going to stick around and support you all the way through, seem as if people have a quick change of heart and don’t want to be seen on your side (per se) when it’s not looking good for you, but on the other hand, (Contextually speaking) as soon as you say “from here no further will I…” then bounce back off the ropes, the tides in peoples mind will rapidly change as no one wants to be on the “losing end of the stick”, but be seen as and with the winner..

There’s this song by Nina Simone with lyrics that goes; “Nobody wants you when you’re down and out, but as soon as you get back on your feet again, here the all come running like they’re your long lost friend”, which is a testament to what I’ve been through a few times in my life and I’m sure a few more of us have as well, where there’s time when we’ll find ourselves on the ropes financially and then get Booed (per se) by our “Friends”, Family members, Associates and so forth, where even if they had the longevity to stick it out with us, they still don’t, I mean very few do, but it’s a small few and the majority will chalk you up and leave you where you’re standing, I mean forget about it, you’re on your own, but as soon as you show signs of life per se, meaning you’ve found a way to bounce back off the ropes, they then want to take credit for you come back, as if it was them bringing you back, by saying things like; “See I knew you would come back” (Which wasn’t the case) or “See I had faith in you and was always rooting for you” (Which is a bold face lie) or “See if I would have helped you, then you probably wouldn’t have bounced back” (Which is a slap in the face), and a note to self, this person never gave two fucks about you and you shouldn’t trust them.

It’s funny all the call you get when your back on your feet again, off the ropes, back into the fight/survival so to speak. “Hey man, I was just touching bases with you, haven’t spoken to you in a long time”, “How are you doing” (knowing Damn well you’re good now), then say, “If you need anything let me know”, as a plea for acceptance again, because you’re doing good. I mean that’s the way it goes, or might I say how we have made this life into a Spite filled Mine Field, where everywhere you turn you’re being Spited in every which way possible.

Oddly enough, It’s not about being helped or not or that people will leave you when you’re on the ropes and come calling back when you’re back on your feet, it’s about your reaction to what’s going on, will you react to what others think when you’re on the ropes, will you react when they leave you, will you react to when they come calling back, because two (2) Spites don’t and won’t make it Right and if you know that people are this way, from being this way yourself, why react to what you’ve done towards others, that’s being shown to you through the mirrored imagery of someone else action, you must take responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have been on the ropes per se and have realized that people really didn’t care about what I was going through and left me to go through it, but when I got back on my feet again, they came calling back again, as if nothing ever happened, where I then reacted with anger to them leaving me and resentment to them come back and calling me as if nothing ever happened.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize my nature being shown to me, as having done the same to someone else before in my past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have done the same in relations to leaving someone on the ropes, in not having the longevity to stick it out with them, but only came back after they were doing better.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry for being left on the ropes, when going through a situation, where I expected others to be there for me, and they weren’t, within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have expectations of other being there for me, when I was on the ropes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have resentment, to resent others for coming back, calling me back, when I was back on my feet, and having backchat of; “How dare they, even have the audacity to even try and reach out to me, when they left me hanging”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand that my reactions make no sense, especially since I know my own nature, the nature of others and should have realized what goes around comes around and that my reactions are to my own detriment, forgetting the fact that I need to forgive them as I have done the same towards others and the cycle needs to stop by my hand and get past this point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perpetuate a cycle of anger and resentment, towards/unto others in my life who’ve left when I was down and out/on the ropes and came back when I got back on my feet. I see realize understand that it’s not their fault for leaving, but my fault for reacting to them leaving, it’s not their fault for popping back up out the blue, but my fault for harboring resentment towards them when they came back, so

From there no further will I accept and allow myself to react to the actions/inactions of others, but instead to see myself within and as them and remain stable in what I’m going through.

When and as I see myself becoming angry, when I’m on the ropes and realize that others don’t really care what I’m going through, but when I get back on my feet, harbor resentment towards them for leaving and coming back and calling me, then having the back chat come up of; “They have the audacity to come back after what they did”, I stop and breathe. I see/realize/understand that my reactions are not warranted and that it’s not their fault for leaving, but my fault for reacting to them leaving and it’s not their fault for coming back but my fault for harboring resentment towards them when they came back.

I commit myself to no longer react towards other, for what their actions towards me has been, because of the situation I’m in, but instead to remain stable in walking through what I am going through, as this will keep me focus on resolving the situation more quickly.

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Day 436: You Can’t Breathe Your Way Out of a Thought

You-cant-breathe-your--way-out-of-a-thoughtAt times I find myself stuck in my mind, bringing up one thought after another, mostly being old memories, I mean anything New coming up would falls under my imagination, which is fascinating, because it shows that I’m not directing myself enough to create any New thought, which brings to ponder what would one think about when creating a New thought? In the moment of thinking I see that there is a lack of self-directive-ness on my part, but what do I do, I find myself saying stop in the middle of the thought and try to breathe my way out of it, then catch myself after the fact like “Really, you just tried to breathe your way out of that thought, and think it’s going to work”; By that time it’s too late, in which case I find that I am continuously letting the same thoughts/memories loop over and over again, then become frustrated that they’re not stopping, until I stop myself and take a breath, apply Self-Forgiveness, then take another breath before proceeding with what I am doing in that moment.

Within that I see myself over exaggerating my breathing as if I’m trying to catch up for lost breaths or something, which only makes me think more, it’s funny because hurray if you do, and damned if you don’t do it the right way or not at all and then you die. I mean there really is no catching you’re breathe, if you’re already breathing, but to breathe to slow your heart rate down.

The point is to realize your breath in every moment, and what I realized is that you can’t breathe your way out of a thought, but in realizing your breath in every moment you stop the thoughts from coming up in the first place, so for this;

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to think that I could breathe myself out of a thought, in the midst of thinking and it would work, without going through the correct steps in stopping the thought completely.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I find myself stuck in my mind, bringing up thoughts/old memories, not stop them in the moment of realization, but let them persist almost to the point of reacting, then try and stop them with an exaggerated breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exaggerate my breathing, when I found myself stuck in my mind about to react to what I was thinking and/or the memory that came up in that moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lose track of my breathing and find myself stuck in my mind, as if what’s in my mind is more important than being Here, focused on what I am doing in the moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be distracted, by the thoughts going through my head, while writing my self-forgiveness on this point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not direct myself enough to create any New thoughts, but instead let my imagination take the place of my expression. Within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed m imagination to take the place of my expression, in relations to bringing up any New thoughts, then believe that’ was me expressing myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not know the difference between self-expression and my imagination, as self-expression would be self-direction/movement in the moment, but if there is a thought coming up before hand, it’s the mind and my imagination.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continuously let the same thoughts/memories loop over and over again, while doing physical work, then become frustrated that they’re not stopping, as if they’re there for my pass time enjoyment, helping me to get through what I’m doing, which means that I’m not directing myself within the moment to choose what comes up or not.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to direct myself in the moment, by choosing what comes up in my mind or not, while doing physical work, working.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become frustrated that these thoughts and memories kept looping over and over again, not realizing the more I became frustrated the more they would continue.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that frustration escalates the continuation of any pattern that you’re dealing with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my breath incorrectly to try and correct myself from thinking too much, which didn’t work, but only made matters worse, meaning more thoughts came up.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted ad allowed myself to see/realize/understand that you can’t breathe your way out of a thought, but in realizing your breath in every moment you stop the thoughts from coming up in the first place.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I was catching my breath, when exerting a lot of energy, instead of realizing that I was already breathing, but only slowing my heart rate down, to stabilize my body.

When and as I see myself, thinking that I could breathe myself out of a thought, in the midst of thinking, without taking the correct steps to stop my thoughts completely, where when I find myself stuck in my mind, bringing up thoughts/old memories and not stop them in the moment of realization but let them persist almost to the point of reacting, then exaggerate my breathing and because my exaggerated breath didn’t work, I end up reacting any way in frustration that the thoughts/memories keep coming back up, I stop and breathe. I see/realize/understand that I am fucking with myself extensively, by not correctly releasing myself from these thoughts/memories, through self-forgiveness, but trying to cut corners (per se) and breathing my way out of it, which of course doesn’t work. I also realize that you can’t breathe your way out of a thought, but in realize your breath in every moment you stop the thoughts from coming up in the first place.

I commit myself to stopping these thoughts/memories from coming up in the first place, by realizing my breath in every moment.

I commit myself to when and as a thought or memory come up while doing physical work, to stop, breathe and apply Self-Forgiveness in the moment, then breathe again to release this thought/memory and no longer accept and allow myself to try and breathe my way out of a thought.

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