Day 686: A Perspective on being; Under the Influence

The biggest drug, known but unknow to man, is not Pot or Cocaine or Meth or even Heroin, No it’s our Minds, simply because our minds presents a thought as an amphetamine that inspires us to take drugs in the first place, as sort of a taunting mechanism, like stop me if you can, and we do this (for most) to cope with our social Anxiety, meaning I ain’t got nothing to say unless I’m high, but other than that, we willingly take a back seat to the influence of our minds, in which case, and so, get behind the wheel of a car and drive under the influence, making it a fact that we all are guilty of DUI’s, I mean test it for yourself, try to sit there silent for a moment without thinking and watch your mind tell you to go do something else and /or bring up some form of a rebuttal of sorts, and you’ll then realize who has the influence here you or your mind.

S*** that’s why accidents happen, sober, because we’re under the influence of our mind, same as the reason why we get sleepy while driving and/or fall asleep during work, because we’re under the influence of our mind, the reason why we punish our kids for something that we haven’t corrected within ourselves first, because we’re under the influence of our mind, the reason why we make f***ed up decisions is because we’re under the influence of our mind, the reason why we miss the little things, because we’re under the influence of our mind, the reason why we’re late for work, is because we’re under the influence of our mind, the reason why we become so emotional and angry, because we’re under the influence of our mind, which is also how Wars and Starvation is created and perpetuated, because we’re under the influence of our minds, and it’s not only them or they that’s doing it, we all are, which begs to question the reason why we blame others for everything that happens to us in our world, because we’re under the influence of our mind and the reason why we can’t stand certain things in our world that we’ve created under this influence, is because we’re under the influence of our minds, the reason why we’re too picky out of self-interest, is because we’re under the influence of our mind, the reason why we love to follow instead of lead and claim that we’re in love with those that lead, is because we’re being led by our minds and so under it’s influence, the reason why we don’t want to face ourselves for what we have accepted, allowed and created in this world, our world and reality, is because we’re under the influence of our minds, but pray to God to come down and save us, instead of realizing that the influencer must be the God that we’re praying to, because our prayers are never answered, but would rather lie to ourselves that they are.

Which makes it so obvious that all killing and murderers are done under the influence of our mind, but when the person that did it, claims that they wasn’t thinking, we’re quick to throw them away, into an insane asylum, because of the wide spread non-acceptance of our mind being the problem, which influences us to not see it, look at it, investigate it, then realize “Hey, I can correct myself and take back ownership of my life and direct my world into being a place that is best for all life, in all ways always equally”, but one must first take responsibility for the point of being influenced, but something we can’t see, and think is who we are, and when told what it is, follow the influence thereof, by stating these people are Nuts. I mean I’m just saying and that’s my perspective. So the word play of the Day is to live to Learn and play as the Influencer today. And if you Like investigate

Thanks for reading.

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Day 685: Push Your Buttons

Only if the starting point from which you are attempting to explain things isn’t clear to you, meaning you are Not the living expression of what you’re talking about, can others push your buttons, simply because you’re fighting with yourself to explain something you’re Not living 100% and it’s evident to the person you’re trying to explain it to, and they’ll run with it, because they’ve been waiting for this, the opportunity to debunk anything you say, and now that it’s come, they’re going to pounce all over it, where one then become frustrated and react to them, after telling them that they shouldn’t react to the things others do or say, lol, then get the response, (In a way) of; “How is that working out for you”.

I mean, we’re dealing with a system that is us, that we can’t fight or walk away from, but must face, especially being that of a family member, boss or close friend in some cases, where we all have different ideas, understandings and perspective about an array of things, and have become adamant with sticking to our guns about what we know/think we know, so it’s imperative to live what you know, that way when tested, through the selection of getting your buttons pushed, the reactor doesn’t come on.

And stay on point, to not follow the jumping bean of a thought around, as the changing of subjects, that subject us to having our buttons pushed, as our minds is always looking for ways to get out of a jam and put you in it, point is we accept and allow our self-behavior, while trying to play savior and earn a favor from who we’re attempting to save, out of self-interest, that at times backfires, and creates a fire in us after things don’t pan out and we get our buttons pushed, where we shove out a reaction, instead of swallowing our pride, in admitting to ourselves what we didn’t do right, and spite sets in and start thinking in our head nasty ass thoughts, like I wish something would fall on their head and wake them up and set them straight, and in the end we end up getting a head ache.

On the other hand, the fascination of wanting to win in a conversation when something is asked and/or talked about, is where the claim of “my answer is the best” comes into play, and if all else fails, “It works for me”, so I’m going to push your button to make you see, and will say just about anything to belittle the other person which is belittling me, that can get personal at times, which creates a battle between two minds that’s working on the same page, while our beingness is not, and have taken a back seat to relax and watch this destructive interaction we think is who we are.

This initial uncontrollable feat is controllable in a sense, that we know exactly what we’re doing and/or getting ourselves into, hence the adamancy of rush, trying to hurry up and get across what we’re saying to not being noticed that I’m full of shit, where having your buttons pushed is then what you get.

But then you have others who can’t stand to be in disarray alone, and so look for company to not be in it alone, and will push your buttons in order for you to react, that becomes sort of a release mechanism as a sigh of relief, when all they really want to do is talk about it with someone, but don’t know how to speak up son, but let our minds take the leading role, and now you both have something in common to talk about.

Interesting how we allow this to happen to us in our worlds without realizing it, that sticks with us, to be used in our worlds toward others, when we’re feeling down and out, to pointing out the next persons flaws and infidelities as a remedy to not facing our own, which can really only happen if you know a bit about the person, outside of things being just a rumor, and if it doesn’t work we then try injecting humor into the conversation to suppress what we’re facing even more, that’s then stored in our flesh, that could create skin sores or better yet create aging lines, and wonder why we’re getting old throughout time, which is by design because we forgot to take self-responsibility on our own, but would rather “Push Your Buttons” than leave you alone.

Therefore, the nonacceptance of such interaction is the key to allowing a person to take responsibility for themselves, but if we fall victim to it, we’re enabling them to continue down this destructive path, and so, headed for self-destruction, which require the correction of;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in a destructive interaction with someone in my world who I allowed to push my buttons and reacted to it, without realizing that my reaction was the enablement/validation needed for them to continue down this destructive path, instead of gifting them with the key to self-responsibility, as my nonacceptance of self-involvement within such a matter. And so, within that and on the other hand, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to involve myself back into a self-destructive behavior pattern, I’ve walked through, but fell victim to, with a starting point (within a conversation) of wanting to make a point, that I wasn’t completely living as an expression of myself and so ended up reacting to getting my buttons pushed.

And for the button pushers; I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to push others buttons, simply because, I am/was feeling a certain way within and as me, that I didn’t want to face and take responsibility for, in my world on my own, but felt the need to invite company to my pity party, through pushing their buttons. And so on and so forth until all is corrected.

Thanks for reading.

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Day 684: The Little Things

Dropped keys and phones with dings, to cracked screens and bumping into things, I mean it’s the little things we chose not to see, and then get mad at it, because I scraped my knee, in the midst of a moment of thought or sneeze, all because we’re just dragging our feet and trailing along, to stubbing my toe, to getting papercuts and a runny nose, to rushing out the house and forgetting my phones, then driving 10 miles just to come back home, and when we’re at home we forget to leave, because we got distracted by what’s on TV, and end up getting to work late with hate looming in the background to seal our fate, and blame it on everything that’s going wrong, instead of blaming myself for what I did wrong, it’s the little things.

From dropping a penny and not picking it up, with no consideration that it all adds up, I mean watch out for that cup, “Bam”, “Opps” then “Damn”, man I just had it in the palm of my hand, to saying I knew that was going to happen, I knew it, I knew it, instead of taking responsibility for what you knew and thought not to do, to catching the flu, from not wearing a jacket or sweater on you, in the dead of winter in the middle of December, to getting a splinter in your finger from an old piece of wood, point is would you change it all if you could? Something to think about.

And now that we’re done thinking and spilling a confession, that’s all I have to say before I do the correction, therefore;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to miss the little things in my world that in the end may cause me a world of trouble, to paying for it in consequence, which in some case equals money, where like realizing that I left the refrigerator open for a period of time, enough to get some of the contents in it wet, to the point of having to throw them away and pay for them again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be unaware of the little things that I do, forget to do, drop and don’t remember at times, then wonder why things in my world is not going right.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tell myself that I won’t forget to remember to not do and/or do these things and soon forget, because I didn’t remember to do or not do these things.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that the little things I do, like dropping my phone and/or forgetting it when I walk out the house, is normal and not worth correcting all the time, nor mentioning it to anyone, because we all do it and accept it as an ‘oh well’, until the screen breaks then say ‘oh hell’, and by that time it’s too late, but still don’t do anything about it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seem as if I’m always in a rush, then spill a coffee on me while driving in my truck, then have to clean it up, like stay out of your mind, then tell myself, you won’t do this next time and hope to remember.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give myself a splinter from building things too fast, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have broken a glass on the kitchen floor before. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have stubbed my toe on the frame of a door, when walking in the bedroom and saw it before it happen, but kept dragging my feet because I wanted to take a nap. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself have hurt my back, from sitting the wrong way, then stressing too much, instead of sitting up straight and standing within stability. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I’m silly for saying self-forgiveness out loud and someone heard me, then looked at me crazy and took off in a rush and drove away, I mean am I crazy? I forgive myself for thinking I’m crazy while knowing that I’m not, but maybe a little bit lazy, because I keep forgetting the little things.

And so on and so forth, as a continual application, because at times we will forget to do things, drop things by accident and misplace things, but thing is to continue to forgive myself for the mishaps I happen to miss, consisting of the little things. Point is to be self-honest with yourself by yourself and correct yourself, and if you need help, go HERE to learn what makes you tick and how to correct it.

Thanks for reading.

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Day 683: Internal Conversations

A feat to be reckoned with is how most often we tend to go into our minds and have a conversation with someone whose not there, which is usually triggered by a previous conversation we had with this person, in our world who’s given us good grief in a way or a facsimile thereof, in person and/or over the phone or internet, which spawned a late reaction within us, because we took to long to say what we wanted to say, but so now, since the words are coming up, we revisit the conversation in our minds, all alone, and actually see the person there too, and say what we wanted to say, but in an aggressive way, simply because we didn’t say what we wanted to in that moment, which was the perfect opportunity to get it all out and in the open, but mad at ourselves that we didn’t, and so projecting this madness onto the other person, then later on when/if the opportunity arise again we already have this self-preprogrammed dialog lingering in the back of our minds in the form of reaction, that’s waiting to come out at a moments notice when seeing and or speaking to this person again, and depending on how we either revere, see or look at this person, (meaning who they are to us, in our world and what status do they hold over us, or to us), will we determine how much emphasis we put on what we now have to say to them.

And interesting how it doesn’t have to be a point within a conflictual situation, but a simple reminder of what you once did for them before, to be remembered, that in return their adamancy could become a bit overwhelming, and shocking to say the least, hence the loss of words in the moment, that’s now triggering the internal conversations I’m having in my mind, that for so long has been this way, to the point of sometime talking ourselves OUT in our minds, lol and when we do see this person, there’s nothing to say (in relation to the previous conversation we had with them) because we both said all there was to say to each other in our minds when alone, and all else forgotten, “So Hi you doing”?

Like WOW did that just really happen, in hindsight, that’ll happen again and again if not correct. The lack of self-directedness and half assed, because I don’t want to be Frank and Honest with myself first, and then the other person, but would rather leave it to chance that they know how I feel, but they don’t and so walking around with a chip on our shoulder, because we’ve suppressed the voice within us, to not say anything about it, to them, in person, and would hold a grudge against this person for something we didn’t do, SPEAK UP, SON and stop having internal conversations about it.

Recently I’ve face such a situation with a person in my world that’s considerably close to me, that something arose between us that wasn’t necessarily conflictual, but could be if I let it persist, the point being is how after the fact of our initial conversation, this person came back with sort of a rebuttal (for lack of better words) on the agreement reached, that threw me for a small loop that I wasn’t expecting, and didn’t react to it, but after the fact the thought came up within me, but instead of reverting back into an old pattern I’ve used plenty of time of going into an Internal Conversation about it, I looked at it and told myself; “You’re not having this conversation right now”, and it stopped in one moment, which surprised me and opened up a realization within me, in see how all I ever had to do with things was to tell myself that I’m Not have this conversation right now, with myself, simply because the person is not Here and so defeats the purpose, and obviously the thought came up within me a few more time after that, but instead of reacting to the thoughts, I now use them as a gift/reminder that the conversation needs to happen but Not here, Not now, alone, by myself, and so applied Self-Forgiveness in the moment and will in every moment it comes up, to Not go into Internal Conversation about it, but to Have the conversation at the next opportune time with this person in person, and will do so, and so saw this as a cool realization for myself, that’s assisting me while walking through this point.

Thanks for reading

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Day 682: Go Figure

“Just my luck”, but this is just not that, when having to go figure things out for yourself, you get to a point of congratulating yourself with praise, then want to tell others how to walk it your way, which is an act of creating a slave, and mini me in fact, that may someday back lash, because you’ve limited their expression in a way, because they didn’t have the chance to figure it out their own way, so I had to tell myself, Stop it, when realizing my past experience of figuring things out on my own, and although it was hard, the thrill was coming to the point of realization that “Hey, I actually did it”, so why not gift that to another in your world and reality.

Throughout my life, I’ve scratched and clawed to learn things, looked for assistance and support, or someone to tell me where I’m falling short, in the sense of having a feeling, to know that things just didn’t add up, but yet and still, no one in my world had any answers for me, and at times I was too scared to ask anyone, why did we went through things, that others seem to not go through and seem to be better off for it, but feared the back lash I would receive from them, my parents and the church, stating to don’t ask question, just do what you’re told and everything would be ok, because this is the way life is, that didn’t sit well with me, therefore, Go Figure.

Anyway, once I got to a point of being out on my own, I told myself that I would never do that to other people that wanted to know things, (Although at times I did out of the self-interest of wanting to keep them around and coming back for more), and for the most part I learned to explain the things I knew to a “T”, the way it wasn’t done unto me, but still kept the sense of wanting to be the all knowing one, that of course didn’t work out to well, because at the end of the day, I really didn’t know anything outside of what I grew up to believe.

What I really enjoyed figuring out at the time was music, how to create, make my own music, and spent hour, upon hours, learning machines, then software, (once I got into making music on a computer), but oddly enough wanted to keep this knowledge to myself and only share bits and pieces to those around me, but this also came with a stench of fear as well, that I wanted to be the only one in my group doing what I could do with music, and believed if I shared all that I knew, there would be no reason for me to be around, as if I would then be ostracized or something, lol, which in fact was a mind possession before I knew what it was.

This continued for a period of time, until I realized that I wasn’t going nowhere and the music I created was well like by all, so ended up showing a few of the guys how to operate the music equipment, but was still a bit partial in my sharing all that I knew to most who asked, all and all, and in the end, I really had no problem sharing what I knew, but also became a bit overzealous in wanting them to do it my way and not figure it out on their own, which created some conflict, but resolvable, being that I would fold to them doing things their own way.

Another interesting dimension within it all is when things are initially complicated, where when we’re not grasping it for first face bases, we tend to want, long for assistance, instead of figuring it out for ourselves, which some assistance is cool, but to leave room for one’s own self learning process.

Like when I first start my process and got to a point of seeing that there was work involved, oh how I resisted the point of self-investigation, but knew I had to do it, and that’s where the ‘whining me’ came into play, simply because I just wasn’t seeing things like everyone else, lol, I remember one time while walking the Agreement Course, the part of taking 50 words and redefining them, I thought I had it down and completed it, then turned it in, like “yeah, I got this shit”, then was simply told by my Mother Buddy and Buddy that I had to do it all over again, which brought up the blame and but, but, but.., I mean I almost wanted to cry, thinking “Man how much work I have to do, again, BY Myself, but was surprisingly assisted by my Awesome Buddy who had the patience with me to walk me through each word over again, until I got every last one of them, which blew my mind with seeing how to really assist someone without giving them the answer, like WOW, thanks Buddy.

That then stuck with me, even now, where the other day I was tested with the point of letting others figure things out on their own, with let’s say a little nudge here and there, where my cousin recently, upgraded his music studio and during the process would call and ask me different question about what’s needed for what he wanted to do, so I told him, then after he set everything up, had questions on how to simplify his workflow, because it was frustrating how complicated it was, and so I begin to give him the knowledge I knew about things to do that would simplify his work flow, which he wasn’t initially seeing and kept complaining, but I didn’t say anything and everytime he would ask the same or another question I would give him the same answer and/or different answer that suited the question.

So after a few day I got a call from him tell me to come over, he then showed me what he had did, but started saying, “I figured it out” and “All I had to do was, this, that and the other”, praising himself for everything I just told him, but now he came up with all of this on his own, so at that moment I had to smile, because I saw myself, the old me that would have reacted, stating, ”I just told you that”, but didn’t react, and the old me that has been in the same position of claiming the all me, I did it, I did it, syndrome, but also realize, this is how assisting others work, that’s not walking process as I am, but in their own location within their own process.

So, but a cool realization for myself, to see a past, present and future playout of an old behavior I once perpetuated, into stabilization so, Go Figure.

Thanks for reading.

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Day 681: Re-Memory

Like remember me, I’m still here, for every time we try and/or achieve being Here.

In the mine field of the mind, memories lie in wait to be awoken, brought up in an explosive manner when stepped on/thought about, in the midst of seeing and/or hearing something in our world and reality, when going throughout our day, where a spark or flash can trigger this mine to explode into a memory at any time and almost everytime, during our downtime, when not immediately focusing on something, hence the saying; “An Idle mind is the Devil’s playground” , but it’s the devil in us that’s playing in our own minds, afraid to let these memories go, in fear that we’ll lose ourselves, believing, this is who I am, and so, all that I have.

But not true, when realizing one’s self ability to stop things in our world, i.e. eating sweets, smoking cigarettes and so on, under the belief that these things are bad for us, for our body, and for some, we feel all better for doing so, stopping it, without once considering the memories we suppress/hold onto, is that which depletes our body unequivocally, equally or more so than the food we eat, then fall asleep to rejuvenate our minds into bringing up a memory from yesterday again today.

But hay whose keeping tabs but myself, when being dishonest with myself, that I felt or still feel a certain way, about these memories I still chose to replay over and over again and want them to stop, but keep reminding myself of them, non-stop, everytime I see something remotely close to anything in which this memory entails, I mean on the inside of me it’s a living hell, like an ocean swelling up, that then swallow me whole, I mean some of these memories just got to go, so I can move on with my life, as a factor of blame, when you should be ashamed of yourself.

In the sense of bringing it back to me, interesting how even within walking my process I experience seeing these memories coming up more ramped, connected and/or attached to a word said, or sign seen, physically when driven, sitting or listening to the public speak, that I then take and re-memory, if not careful, like the other day when doing something, I initially couldn’t help but to follow an old way of doing it, that would achieve the same outcome, but doing things this way is also compromising in so many ways, where the judge of the matter is ultimately me and I’m not trying to continue being the me that I used to be, therefore change is in order.

And self-honesty comes into play, I mean who’s directing who here, it doesn’t have to be this way, that everytime we chose to direct ourselves into doing something, a memory of the way we used to do things come up, therefore;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to everytime I go to do something bring up a memory of the way I used to do it and so follow suit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to bring up a re-memory and attach it to something that I saw and/or heard in my world, that was remotely close to what the memory entailed and so ended up reacting to it in a Positive way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to bring up a re-memory and attach it to something that I saw and/or heard in my world, that was remotely close to what the memory entailed and so ended up reacting to it in a Negative way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that these memories define who I am, that I allow to keep me trapped in the idealistic way of doing things from the past.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to let these past memories that comes up within and as me (as ways of doing things), go unconditionally, or else they wouldn’t come up at all, and so commit myself to seeing these re-memories as a gift to be walked through my correction process, corrected and let go of, so that I am able to experience things for the first time, without any collaboration of the mind, but as a part/piece of me. And this be my Self-Remembering.

Thanks for reading.

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Day 680: Noises, the Fear of, to Expression

Interesting how any noise can be a trigger for one to look, see, then think, and depending on the frequency and velocity/volume of the noise, will one go into a state of panic, which creates a pain in one’s neck, outside the neck jerking, head turning motion one perpetuates when experiencing a fright, as if to say who’s coming to get me, and if one lives alone, in some cases will ask the Air; “Is somebody there”, “Who out there”.

But commonly in one’s day to day, the sound of cars passing by, Airplanes flying overhead clicks/bangs and dings, places one within the space where the noise/sound is initiating from, in wonderment, as the next thought goes into thinking about how the sound/noise was created, and if a familiar sound, such as an Airplane, one then place oneself on the plane itself and or bringing up a past memory of when one last flew on an Airplane, which opens up a can of worm, (so to speak), in the mind to revisit the memory collective, which spawns a Positive or Negative reaction, all in a split moment/second, which is the time it takes to See-Consciousness, while not realizing what just really happen right there.

From a young age, I conditioned myself to not show any external reactions when hearing a loud noise, such as the Thunder and Lighting that would shake me to the bone, whenever we had a storm passing through the town I grew up in, and obviously the fear came from a point of not wanting to die because, I believed my life wasn’t in order, so NO I can’t die before I reached the good parts of life, I mean self-honestly, this was my actual thinking, so every time I would hear a loud noise/sound, I would become jumpy and/or even if someone would come up behind me and say BOO, lol, I was close to swinging on them, as the embarrassment set in, and I didn’t want people to see me like that, so I started practicing tightening my stomach during loud sound/noises, and thought that I was on to something, because now I didn’t react (externally) to them, but what I didn’t realize is how I was just suppressing the point of fear, and this suppression would stick with me throughout my life, where I started experiencing pain for holding in such reactions.

But interesting how within this suppression, I started making noises and sound, as if to explore different noises and quirks that would come up within and as me, so whenever I would hear a loud noise/sound, I would combat it with a noise/sound of my own, and did this for quite some time throughout my life, where the only thing I deemed good coming from it was being able to hear thing to add into the music I created, which was a point of suppressing the suppression, making for many suppressed point layered upon layer for me to have to face nowadays, walking my process.

Opening up my relationship to noises, I now realize how the noises and sounds that came out of me is/was a point of fear, that I projected into my world and reality in everything I did, and so lived a life in fear of noises and loud sounds, but not until I found Desteni and realize the Tools they presented actually works, in stopping this Fear/Suppression of fear I existed as when hearing loud noises and sound, that is the Tool of Self-Honesty, which is the actual recognition that I do have a problem with my reactions, then pointing it out to myself everytime they come up, then the Tool of Self-Forgiveness, where I then forgive myself for accepting and allowing such reaction to exist and come up within and as me as the point of fear, that is the initial release of such fear, then the Tool of Self-Corrective Application and Self-Commitment Statements, which is the point of; When and as I see myself (Self-Honesty) accepting and allowing myself to react in fear of loud noises and sounds, I first stop everything within me, and breathe, because I then realize that this fear is not who I am, and so commit myself to no longer accepting and allowing myself to accept this point of fear within myself, my world and reality, for starter, then walk/live the corrections, which would then make the Noises I hear and speak an expression of Me, that way when they come up within and as me, I know exactly what and what not to do, and more focus on the experience of me within the midst of it, then rinse and repeat, until one has completely transcended the fear of loud noises/sounds.

Thanks for reading.

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