Day 779: Nothing to Offer (Self-Perspective)

Where you’ll get kicked out of our church if you don’t pay your tithes, so offering are important, for us to keep importing into your mind how worthless you are, until you reach rock bottom in thought, conform and transform into the ultimate brainwashed parishioner you were meant to be, that’s real talk, in real time, as per what just came up when sitting here about to go into another direction, thinking I have nothing to offer to any potential partner in a potential relationship, if and/or when one surface, lol.

The excuse we give ourselves is the idea that we won’t excel in a new one, and so sink deeper into our shell, holding onto old memories of past relationships we’ve been in, and every now and then become emotional, thinking about that one good time we had, when I was really happy, hoping that we could somehow relive it again, and then sink into depression – that’s the demon in you pressing down on your own back, while knowing that you can never go back, and lack the steadfastness to move on and forward into new relationship, because of this stigma we have about the one’s we were in.

I’ve come to realize that it’s not all about what you have when going in, although that plays a role, but your starting point for entering a relationship from the one set, that set the guidelines in and throughout, where for most going into a new relationship after coming out of one, we are considered damaged good, lol and so walk into the next one, sensitively wanting to make this one the best, same as when entering the previous, and keep repeating this over and over again, to the point of thinking I must not have anything to offer, because all my previous relationships have failed, which is really not the case, but a point needing correction, by the way.

Being that it’s been a while since my last relationship, my personal excuse has come to be, ‘I need to make sure I have this, that and the other, before accepting a relationship with anyone, to have my house in order, in other words, which ok that’s cool, but thing is once I’ve achieved that, I became too comfortable being by myself, and when walking process it’s easy to excuse this as “I’m having a relationship with myself”, which is a given, where the longing for, is no longer there, but still think at times I have nothing to offer.

To just be (In the saying, ‘to be or not to be’) is the thing, what I’m doing right now, as an my everyday routine is something, and this something is a constant movement, and this movement in itself is an offer, unlike the stagnation I experienced in past relationship, with little to no direction, I mean being a director of sorts in my life is the best offering one could perpetuate in one’s own life, world and reality, where there are things that we’re doing now (in our lives) that we haven’t/didn’t do before, personal changes that’s been made for the betterment of ourselves, so the belief that I lack offer’ or have nothing to offer, is an offense to the stance I’m now taking, that makes waiting a past time, where in time if it is meant to be, the one will come.

So this, takes offering out of the realm of anything material, and place things into perspective and on the shoulders of who you are as a person and the drive you have, especially note to self, where I need to repeat this to myself, as many times as needed for me to see this, and BE the offering I think I need to have, and give, and that’s all I got to say about that for now, where the offering is now, just being who I am, as the ever so changing me, not who I was ‘stuck’, off in my mind, that’s for the better.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/perceive/believe that I have nothing to offer, if entering into a relationship, being that all the things and stuff I used to have (material possessions), I no longer have, that obviously made all my past relationships, superficial, and didn’t see this, only until way after the break up, that none of my material possessions meant anything, and couldn’t keep me and whomever together – that’s a statement of grandeur saying, look at what I got instead of who I really am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself in past relationships by what I had and could do, and not who I really am as a person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to leave the best of me, hidden for whomever I was in a relationship with in the past, not considering the who I am, is the real offering one could give in a relationship, not just my innate human nature.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to consider, the offense I was perpetuating towards myself, in the unspoken statement, thinking who I am is not good enough and need a cover face of sorts (A character), in the presentation of me, that took too much energy to uphold and maintain, when looking back at it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look back at my past, and hold onto the aspect of how I presented myself with material possession and elaborate stories, as an offering going into a relationship, to nowadays, in thinking if I don’t have these things, I have nothing to offer.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand, how the change in me, shows a more substantial offering on my part, being that my life is now filled with more substance, meaning there is now a purpose for being me, who I am now, on a Journey of becoming Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand that the word offering in itself should be an expression to be lived, instead of something to give, meaning to live who I am in every moment of breath, without any ideals of who I am presenting myself to be, to get the girl.

Therefore, when and as I see myself / hear myself thinking I have nothing to offer, I stop and breathe, and let go of any ideals / memories I have of my past when thinking this is how things work, and so worded things the wrong way, unconditionally, to unconditionally live this word (offering) as a point of vulnerability and self-trust with NO judgements or assumption alike, but as a total package of my level of awareness, carefulness and Here-ness, simply put; “to just be ME”. I see/realize/understand that my standing for something substantial, is offering in itself, and as long as I stand, the decisions I make will make sense, when faced with any potential partner, or potential relationship, that may or may not come. I’m fine with that.

Thanks for reading

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Day 778: Slap Back (Backchat) Perspective

The slap back with spiteful intent, which ever way you put it/say it, internally kept that’s voiced in the mind as mumbles, used as a point of validating the question, “Why did you do and/or say that to me”, when not knowing what to say in the moment – that “I know”, but didn’t want to hear it from you, in any form, let alone in front of others, so in my mind f*** you for pointing out a point needing to be corrected in my own life, that I can’t say out loud, and call that being a better person, where the worst is yet to come and some would have fun with the fact that you don’t know what I’m thinking, which is insane, but the real insanity comes in when we use your own backchat and direct it towards yourself/myself, that this post is all about and some.

Some say, “Only crazy people talk to themselves”, but more like being caught in public talking to yourself, then Bluetooth came out and everyone thought you were being talked to, but the other was just on the phone, having a conversation out loud, and “Oh, next time let me know that you’re on the phone”, that’s always on, in a mind that constantly analyzing what others say, then talk back about what we see.

The feeling of feeling that someone can make you feel a certain way, is an excuse to backchat and the validation for it, more so during the soreness of our bubble being burst, and immerse ourselves within a downward spiral, and choose spite instead of correction, trying to pull ourselves out of it, but only sink deeper into it, because the mess we initiated wasn’t corrected correctly, but accepted as a point of blame and it’s ashame that we don’t see it that way.

But look who’s talking when bringing it back to self, where I’ve use backchat as a way to get back a those I couldn’t talk back to, starting with my parents and authority figures growing up, and continued up until this point in my life, without realizing the strife I was creating in my world and reality, without saying a word out loud, that has now been inverted towards self when self is trying to show me the things I don’t want to see but need to, at times, then say “I know” and don’t do nothing about it. Where;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have become so apt to perpetuating backchat towards others, that I realize the experience of talking back to myself, in a spiteful manner, that for so long have went unnoticed, throughout my life, and only now that I’m taking responsibility for the experience of me, see how this has affected my clarity in making sound/rational decisions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait so long throughout my life to decide to take responsibility for the voices in my head that’s not only directed towards others, but myself as well.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have backchat towards myself , in saying things like “I know”, when being shown a point I’ve had questions about and now when seeing the answer, backchat, “I know”, or “No, it can’t be”, then turn the other cheek in my mind, just to be slapped back on the other side, with the gravity or reality of the situation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to casually let this backchat slip by, while seeing the self-manipulative factor at play, and only when pain ensues from it, do I step out of it and into the correction phase, which shouldn’t take all of that, in order for me to correct myself, meaning that I have gotten so comfortable with not trusting myself, but judging myself, that has made it hard to me to see the support self is giving me, that hasn’t specifically been corrected correctly, completely, so as long as any another dimension of it surface, I will keep correcting myself, therefore;

When and as I see myself talking back to myself, within a version of insanity, called Backchat, as the slap back of emotions, not wanting to see what’s being shown to me by myself, when having questioned an occurrence in my life, and when shown, say things like “I know” spitefully and/or “No it can’t be”, in disbelief, I stop and breathe. I see the self-manipulation in the matter/realize how this is extremely detrimental to myself, more so than having backchat towards other (but not any better)/ and understand how I, myself is keeping myself chained and confined in my own mind, that hates the sight of me changing, which is mine, and so me, wanting to stay within the comfortability of living separated from myself in my own physical body, like Damn!

So, I commit myself to unchaining myself with the key of acceptance, in embracing and accepting and correcting what’s being shown to me, by my support system, that is this physical body, me in fact, to reach my utmost potential, that will only happen in time, as I continue correcting each point in form of backchat the comes up from within and as me, towards myself or any other person/place/thing or being of life, needing to be corrected, as I am responsible for it all.

Thanks for reading.

Day 777: The Numbers (Perspective)

Perceived as a God thing, but a God thing in fact, stacks and increments of occurrences, from personality building in the construction of a mind consciousness system within our human physical body, that we don’t realize and call a mastery period, to attain to heaven, which for me was ‘Havens Rest’ every summer, during the seventh month of the every year, growing up, that our church had a 49 acre property in the middle of nowhere (that’s 7×7), out in the woods up North in Baldwin, Michigan, that we went to religiously for two week, as a Godly Vacation, lol, and so viewed 777 as the point of attaining a Sainthood of sort, meaning I had to live ‘saved’, act and believe only certain things, for things to work in my life, to so when ‘Jesus’ came back, I would be caught up in the rapture, leaving the rest behind, because I was a good believer and a follow, while the rest of the world outside out church, followed ‘Satan’ with the mark of the beast to be placed on their forehead, and so marked to burn in hell for eternity. Like REALLY!

But a man-things, this is, to Conjecture numbers and words to mean different things, that houses loopholes as escape routes. Stating “No this is what I meant”, when caught in a conundrum, just to suit our own self-interest, and gain followers to validate our own pre-programming, that we took from our parents, when creating our personal personality from years 0 to 7. Ha

Lucky numbers ‘777’ will help you win the jack pot at the casino, but first you may have to play Seven Hundred and Seventy Seven dollars to get it, then you’ll be lucky, I mean interesting how it always takes something to get something, but takes nothing to fall into the trap of thinking I can win, then lose and try it again, until your luck runs out, and pout about how life is handing you lemons, as a sign of being Unlucky, that’s not a pretty look, when going after the lucky numbers 777, but just another form of heaven, because money is involved.

Seven days of ‘Fasting’ will only help you to realize how skinny and hungry you’ve gotten, and now weigh 70 pounds soak and wet, waiting for the world to change, or your problems to just dissipate , thinking that it will all be fixed and go away through longsuffering, to starve yourself in hopes to get a sign from God, telling you that “You can rest now”, as a test of your faith that only takes place in the mind, within the design of manipulation for attention, in fear of sinning or better yet in fear of having the figment of the life we’re living stripped away.

777 an Angelic number, meaning I am attracted to intelligence, a witty sense of humor and an Adventurous outlook on life, lol given to me by some invisible angel, that want to help me move towards the path of my Dreams, that in the past were unrecognizable and went by in a blur, and not sure if I really want to experience much more of a blurry life of lies and deceit, but that’s what it says in the dictionary, but “Should” it be believed? Hmm.

I saw the signs and they all said STOP, but in the search of deciphering a deeper understanding of our lives, the deeper I went into it, the further away from the truth of things I got, until I realized what STOP really meant – to take a moment and look right in front of me to see everything that I’ve been searching for is and have always been HERE, in everything I see a round me, in my world and reality, that is me.

Therefore, a form of escapism that won’t ‘Save you ‘Even ‘Vicariously through someone ‘Else’s ‘Nonsense, = 7 x three, and that’s all I got to say about that. Where a solution is to investigate why haven’t we’ve gotten it right after the Seventh time of repeating the same things over again, and take it from there and back into your own life.

Thanks for reading.

Day 776: A Dark Perspective

On many levels this word is a hush hush topic, outside of the statement; “It’s Dark outside” and/or Dark Chocolate candy, lol, where we love it at times, and others, dread being associated with it, so pardon me if I offend anyone for what I may have to say, about what I see as a point needing to be corrected, in my own life, world and reality, enjoy.

Spooky it is, with Big eyes piercing through the dark with black skin, and called a jigaboo, because I like to dance and look different than you, but don’t get offended, I blend in with the darkness of the night, but just as scared as you, in fear of something or someone darker than me coming to take my life, that I can’t see, but Believe have it in for me, because we were raised Afraid of what we couldn’t comprehend and that’s just the beginning, but eat, shit, think and sleep all the same.

“Step out of the darkness and into the light, so I can see you”, (they say) or better yet the illusion of who we’ve made ourselves out to be and hide behind, as an acceptable picture that’s pleasing to the eye, connected to sockets of lust, and addicted to frustration when I can’t have what I see, and so the dark side of me comes out, that scribbles all over the picture, because if I can’t have it nobody can, no matter what color you are, we all have done this.

Let’s open up the Darkside that’s sparked by anger, in looking to take revenge out on something or someone, we feel has threatened our self-interest, and existence of an Self tainted with fear, thinking that it’s healthy to be scared of change, and so remain light hearted when walking through the dark times in our lives, that’s filled with justification in spite of knowing this is not the best of me, where the rest of me is spread thin throughout memories of a past I still hold onto, and haven’t totally let go of yet, unconditionally, to simply just be with me Here.

Seen as shade or a cover of sorts, is the perception of hiding something behind it, ‘the dark’, which is really in reverse, because in the day time we put on a façade, to not be seen as we are when letting our hair down in the night, with no makeup, where the true nature of self comes out behind closed doors.

That’s why some of us enjoy the sunset so much, because it’s the point in between the façade and showing our true nature, because of all the energy it takes to keep up this façade (the hiding point) throughout or day and how easy it is to just show our “ass” so to speak at night, where within the space between awareness and “I could care less” is where we transition, because when darkness falls, all hell breaks loose, and this is one hell of a way to describe having fun.

When happy times are interrupted by the reality of what someone is or has said, we call them Dark and Deep, stating ‘why are you so negative’, ‘I don’t want to talk about that dark shit’, but asked a question of interest and couldn’t stand to see/hear the answer to what was asked, (as I have experienced on both ends), simply because it was showing me the nature of my ways, plus it was still day light outside, lol, (hypothetically speaking).

A ‘Dark Spin’, as a over tone to insinuating a point we want others to believe wholeheartedly, so we attach a negative connotation to it, to excite the emotions of the listener, in order for them to feel how we feel about the issue at hand, so we can stand within the ignorance of our own perceptions, that lessen the possibility of correctly correcting the issue.

[Caution] Dark Matters, or better yet Black Lives Matter, but so do every other LIFE on this planet, I mean if we continue to plan out our future in separation, separation will keep happening, but I guess we enjoy the blame game so much – that if we saw each other as equals, we would then have to take responsibility for the mess we’ve made of this existence, so if it’s they’re fault for putting me down, then it’s mine for staying down, where a movement or revolution won’t change this, until we move to change ourselves, but wait, Don’t get offended, because in the end we’ll all get through this, to see that WE all have made a grave mistake, by saving face and coveting one another’s space.

A Dark Perspective that shines light on all that we/I have become in connection to the word Dark, my relationship towards it, seen as something negative and rarely spoken about or mention, that runs ramped in a mind filled with Dark thoughts, that alt to be erased (through correction) from a memory bank, filled with lies about who am I, and why I’m here and so on, that was taught to me in fear of the unknown, that’s now know to all, that we have separated ourselves into oblivion, therefore the word ‘Dark’ is the Matter of You and I, being that from which we came.

Interesting how when seeing the words written by others we often times drift toward/gravitate to the conflictual gossip within it all, to make ourselves feel better, in comparison to what’s being said, that at times, put a halt to our point of correction, thinking that the Dark cloud is now lifted off of us and onto the next person, but not so, it’s just an energetic experience, going from feeling down, to a sign of relief that I’m not the only one who’s f****** up in life, but shouldn’t postpone the correction any longer, therefore;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself within different forms of dark/darkness/the dark/the dark side of me/dark matters/a dark spot/dark thoughts, and in relations to race a darkie (lol), as in black/skin tone, believing that these ideals of dark is just the way things are, that can’t be corrected and I have to accept it, because I didn’t realize the solution to the darkness in me, is Me, but chose to blame the world for being a dark place, without taking responsibility for my participation within it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, how I accepted and allowed these ideas, as dark thoughts to fester in my mind, and continue to push them down, hoping they won’t surface, that would show the true nature of me, in public or around any other person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put on a façade in the day time, so that the darkness within me won’t be seen, but when the sun goes down, let down my hair, so to speak, and it all comes out, believing that we’re really hiding something, and when the next day comes, act like a ‘faithful Christian’, that has done Nothing wrong, without realizing myself to be the point of correction and needs correcting – that’s best before the Ego takes its revenge.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as a collective and myself, succumb to the labelling between the races, with a heart racing into a reaction when called certain names or titles out of my name (that was given anyway), but when I use it, it’s ok, which is really asinine, being that we are all human from one race, humanity, that eat, sleep, shit and think the same, that needs to realize that the point of “Thinking” in itself is the problem in fact, needing to be looked at and so corrected within each one individually.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think what I keep in the dark is my secret and no one will ever know, which is not the case, being that if we’re all connected, we each one have experienced the same coming through us, but would rather blame each other for being the only one, until we reach the grave and realize, ‘S*** I was just the same’, so why not correct it right here and right now.

I commit myself to correcting my relationship with the word dark, through redefinition, that of being something negative, in separation from all that is me, to a gift of acceptance that allows me to see the negative in me, in the thoughts I bring up, that spawn any action I taken that’s not who I am, so that I don’t Doit-Again-Repeating-Karma (so to speak).

Thanks for reading.

Day 775: Being Left in the Dark (Self-Forgiveness)

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/perceive/believe that it was others fault that I wasn’t aware of what was going on in my life in the past, and so believe that I was being left in the dark, when it was me who turned a blind eye to different situations in my world and in my life, not wanting to see what was being show to me in different way, until things in my life started falling apart.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a dark spot for me to live in in my life, back then, hiding away from any situation that needed to be shaken up, my detailed attention, but tended to my own self-interest, thinking things would just work themselves out and found myself out of a few friends and sabotaged a few relationships I was in.

This is not to say that anyone from back then is exempt, but my point of responsibility, is to correct my fault in the matter, my participation and self-positioning placement, to not repeat the same again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how the dark serves it purpose, for me to investigate what’s going on within me, in back tracking to the root cause, why I experience myself the way I did back then, that lead to what I am experiencing in my life today as this belief.
On another note, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get to the point of realizing all that I knew was not the truth of what was really going on in this world, and so believed that I was left in the dark, without investigating for myself the truths I come to realize and was assisted to see.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, how being left in the dark, was in a way good for me, because if I wasn’t, I would probably not have moved passed the point of comfortability, staying within ignorance is bliss, which would have made my process that much harder.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others for the dark side in me, when I should’ve been looking at and within myself, to see these dark spots that needed correcting as in the good, bad and ugly that resides within me, good being that of the positive energetic feeling/chasing after an energetic experience, fix and rush, in the rush of things, and correct them myself, because the time I spend blaming others only created more consequences for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted an allowed myself to purposely leave myself in the dark about things I need to see/look at and correct and experience resistance toward, thinking these things will just sort themselves out, which never did, and so found myself in a poor spot in my life, to becoming emotional wondering why I didn’t take the opportunity to correct these things earlier.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to push things off till later to be corrected, then when later comes, believe I have no energy to do this – but let something come up, that motivates my Ego, the energy would somehow magically come out of thin air.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait until the last moment to move myself about things that are pressing in my life, that causes me to believe that I’m being left in the dark about things, from others who see what I choose not to look at, when it’s me whose watching things crumble in front of my eyes, but don’t want to believe what I’m seeing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the crumbling effect in my life, by not wanting to see things, that was blatantly happening in my life, outside of an Egotistical point of view, until my Ego took its revenge and found myself looking from the outside in.

Interesting how we have defined anything associated with the word ‘Dark’ as something bad or evil, therefore this correct was in relations to how I had defined the word ‘Dark’ as such. In post to come I will correct my relationship to this word, but for now, thanks for reading.

Day 774: Being Left in the Dark Pt.2

They say that you can see better in the dark, then in the light. I say turn the lights out and test it out for yourself, but not only that, the premonition that something is going on, opens the door for investigating what it is that you are, or think that you’re missing, especially when walking process, that couldn’t have came at a better time for me in my life, internally hooping an hollering around the bothersome idea that all in my life had it in for me, my friends, family and the relationship I was in, that didn’t bother to tell me what was going on that involved me, which ended up being me wanting to hear about what I perceived, instead of what did or didn’t happen then, in essence placing myself in a dark spot in my life, and blamed others/them for leaving me in the dark.

For me what opened up when questioning my life, was the resounding question of; “how did you get yourself to this point”, after the blame stop working and started working on me through the DIP Lite course, that showed me the importance of writing and taking responsibility for my participation, and point position placement in my life, where I was at, at a dark time in my life, that only being left in the dark spawned my search for answers, and so expounded more on what I had found when discovering Desteni.

It’s like the greatest gift from a curse, and so was able to see through the darkness that had immersed itself upon me and looming in the background of everything I thought myself to be, and do, you see the belief that I had, that others was at fault for not telling me things, was my fault for not investigating me, long before any problems came to be, which veil any insight I may have had shown to me, by brushing it aside, hiding behind the idea that ‘this couldn’t be’, not wanting to hear about what may have been busy taking place, and so remained in a space of ignorance is bliss, because looking back on it, I remember the person I was in a relationship with wanting to open up to me at one point, but told them they were tripping and didn’t want to hear it.

Thing is, the darkness cover/veil we place over problems and situations in our life, ends up manifesting this you believing you’re being left in the dark, then wonder why this is so, after countless amount of times jumping over the fence away from things/problems/situations we should/need to face in the moment, but don’t and won’t, like in this case, until you find yourself alone wondering why no one wants to tell you anything, because obviously we ‘cry wolf’ too many times, when others have attempted to show us the signs, that things are getting out of hand.

I mean this could apply to anything in your life you choose not to see/ look at when being shown it by anyone in your life, for any reason or another, therefore my suggestion is to embrace the dark spots we put ourselves in, that has everything to do with the belief that we’re being, or have been left in the dark, which is not really possible, because the truth of EVERYTHNG is out there, but have always been right here waiting for us to walk into it, on so many levels, and so a point of realization is to not put off what one can face today (when being shown something), thinking that you don’t want to see it, then later on believe that you’ve being left in the dark about it, and find yourself alone in a dark spot in your life, forced to investigate what’s going on with you, as it was for me, where self-forgiveness was key and instrumental to opening up my self-positioning placement, my fault in all matters concerning me, that I brushed aside and had to do with my life and the way things turned out for me. Don’t make the same mistake I did.

Thanks for reading.

Day 773: Being Left in the Dark

Close your eyes and cover your ears, so the boogey man won’t get you, as the stork did when sticking it’s head in the sand, where he didn’t want to see, hear or even think about the danger that had behest him, thinking, just maybe, possibly it would go away, that didn’t always, to never happening, then realized once he got to the other side, “shucks” what was I afraid of, (Hypothetically speaking) Lol.

Not knowing can bring out the worst in you, until you simply immerse yourself with purpose to find out what’s making you nervous and deserve to know what you’re being left in the dark about, without realizing that it might not be in the best interest of your intentions to know or even mention to someone that you would like to know, when you really don’t, but on the other hand, when not being told by those around you, what happen with things that concern you, that they knew, but not you that could have changed the way you viewed things and decisions you made in your life, that changed your life forever more, is a hindsight headache, in hindsight thinking how big of a mistake I’ve made by not insuring everything was in its proper place and so missed out on what was pressing in the moment. Hmm, think about that for a second.

As the hours, months and years just drifted on by, stuck in the thought of ‘what was it’, back then that ‘what is it’ couldn’t answer, knowing that you was purposefully left in the dark, by those who you’ve come to know and gave up a chunk of your life for, that’s now being brushed aside, as they smile in your eyes, believing that all is forgotten, but forgiven it was and remembered it remains, but ashamed on my part for not being aware of such occurrences in my life, when seeing the signs that was evident.

Where the details of the matter don’t really matter at this point in time, but a sign it was, to be aware of every aspect of the relationships I’m in, and have, because, being left in the dark, such as what happened in this case will happen to you, if you are not aware of all who resides in your world and their true intentions.

Ignorance is bliss when the statement; “Nobody told me” comes to mind, believing that you were left in the dark on purpose, but purposefully stayed within the darkness of ignorance while seeing the signs and turning a blind eye, being that it didn’t fit your standard hard drives ‘Operating Systems’ protocol and procedures at the time, and so called it beyond your comprehension, that distracts our attention away from the comfortable front roll seat in the theater of our minds, detached away from what’s really going on. Let me explain –

The pain staking realization that all we know is not the truth, that’s backed up with facts, when seeing things in reverse, that instead of blaming ‘them’ as the problem, to look at you first, that’s I hear all the time and sounds good, saying, “I know it’s me” but doing Nothing about it, until the consequence thereof comes to the light, and might just have an epiphany about it, before wanting to fight, (being left in the dark)…

To be continued…