Day 858: An Explaining Perspective

In physical reality it’s a pain, in layman’s terms it’s a shame, the attempt to explain what you see that others may not, that shadows the shallow with doubt, momentarily unable to swim through the deep end of the mind, in times when superficiality is needed, we bleed the impossible that’s deep seeded and not talked about, in disbelief of what’s coming out of our mouth, so to choose our words carefully when explaining how reality works, that works the same for everyone, if every One would work together. But getting another to see what you see is like pulling teeth, best to watch what you say, because the most commonsensical things (when explain) can be taken the wrong way, and thrown back at you inappropriately to save face, and turned around to fit a desirable feeling of the other, that fires up a reaction in you, if not careful and gives the other person the satisfaction of seeing you become agitated.

A bit complicated when trying to explain to someone that there’s more to life, when asked the question “what is life really all about, and the experiences you have, please explain them to me” , I mean some of the things we’ve seen and experienced (individually) is not accepted as a talking point in most circles, and would (in a way) hurt the sensibility of those whose asking, so to pacify their attempt to extract knowledge and information, is to classify oneself as being the point of crazy, I’ve experience in the sense of big eye and thought to be on drugs, then shrug my shoulder with a smirk and subject to go into, when a change is needed, it’s deep seeded to think that we really want to know about everything, all at once then said that’s something I didn’t want to know about at this time, that interrupts the location in which we stand, a designed Plan that EX-communicates us from our reality, to casually stay within the comforts of today.

It’s like ‘X the plain part and indulge me with your beliefs’, where if it feels good to you, then it’ll feel good to me, and if what you say don’t comes with a feeling, then rest assure I’ll be leaving the conversation, or debunk the conversation no matter how much it makes sense, not realizing how the mind loves to circumvent, and invent worst case scenarios that catapults me into fear, all the why’ll believing that this can’t be real, I mean why can’t I see it, and where did you originally get this information from, and lord help you if you say YouTube, they’ll turn and run, but then you have some that for most part accepts you for what you stand for, without judging you, but will tell you this information is only for you to see, which begets the question, in which way are we choosing to explain, is it the same way we would like to hear new News, no matter what question is asked to you, is the explanation of some use to them as you?

Lol, if you want to lose a friend, let it all out, go in head first, where it’s sure to be thought about, there’s something wrong with your head, but if you want to keep a friend do consider their location point, and pin point placement when walking their own process, where a sharing is what I realize for myself, not just what I heard, I can explain the experiences of me to assist with others questioning, and the lesson is for me to be able to see things in real time, in what I walked in alignment with the investigation I’ve done, and as the saying goes “anything else would be uncivilized”, in the eyes of a society that only sees what we want, and if we don’t want it, why look in that direction, that’s why it’s important to direct our conversations, where what come up is “give and little, take a little” we all are human beings, that’s pieces of you and me spread out infinitely, so just treat others as you would like to be treated yourself, without the shock and awe they may not be ready for yet.

Interesting the dynamic of testing ones resolve, where after realizing something we’re tested to see if we fall or fail to follow through with our points of correction, that bets the mind that I’ve learned my lesson, like when I first started writing this post, I was approached by someone who had a lot on their mind and wanted to talk about their child and the idea of being ungrateful in a sense, where a lot came up within me that would have made common sense, but I didn’t say a word and let this person talk them-self out, to then at the end just said a few things and before they left, told them, “Don’t forget to breathe”, real simple and that’s it, as they answered all their own questions, and left appreciating that moment of interaction, which showed me that at times simplicity is the key, and to be aware of what needs to be said or not.

On the other hand, telling someone “Oh you’ll be fine” or “Everything will be alright”, is not enough when one is overwhelmed by the stuff that’s coming up in their mind and can’t explain it, and so asked for some clarity on what they’re experiencing, at which time I only explained the specificities of what they said, that gave them a better understanding of what they were facing, that we’ve all faced the same at some point in time, where the cross reference then came after I saw the person again, who showed a different state from which they were previously in, that blew me away in a sense for being able to experience both sides of the “Explain” point in real time, to realize just how awesome process really is when understanding the mind, and applied correctly the corrections in real time, that I’m extremely grateful for, the walk into life, with more to come as I am a work in progress, and accept all that is me to be corrected effectively. Investigate it for yourself!

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have been an over-explainer at time when it wasn’t needed, then at time when it was, only said things like “Everything is ok”, and/or “You’ll be fine”, unable to differentiate between the times when deep explanations was need and simplicity should be at play, and so intermixed the two, that begets the question my starting point for wanting to explain to deeply and/or keeping it simple when more explanation was need, that showed my partialness or sorts along with the point of seeking attention, that keep me on the reverse side of things until, I learned to listen to what exactly was being said by the other, to then breathe through my explanations.

What I realize is that an effective explanation comes when one has listened attentively to what is being said by the other, without interruption, giving them the space and time to answer their own questions, in the sense of seeing what they’ve laid out for themselves – to then add onto it if needed, as this for me is and effective motivation point for me to continue walking my process of becoming the living words, so that I’m able to live what I speak about and so explain.

Thanks for reading.

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Day 857: All my Imperfections

Look at me and what do you see, is it perfect to think we deserve to be flawed, or is a flaw to think that we’re flawed in the first place, externally speaking, where we’re all born with birthmarks and marks that signature our individualism, from the way we walk when walking the way we do, to how we’re shaped and molded by our environment, what’s wrong with that but a hat too big to fit in the eyes of society, that constantly lies to our external appearance, I mean what’s the difference in being “too old for me” and/or wet behind the ears? Is it the fear that onlooker will classify me as a basket case when I’m with you, in any case why bask in what we think others will think about us, which is the flaw of judgement in itself, that rubs shoulders so carefully with consequence, it’s obvious that common sense is neglected to protect the idea that I must be imperfect because of the way I feel about what I think you think about me.

Not good enough or ever so ready to step into the ever so changing me to once and for all experience my utmost potential, that was laid out before me on a silver platter of sort, to sort out these infractions and get to the good part, the part of me that barrows the scream for acceptance and accept all that I am, without a proud look or cocky demeanor, I mean I’m-perfect-on being satisfied, with a status that’s only defined in character, narrated by my imperfections, without really questioning, “Is there really more to me”, seeing it and walking into it confidently that would support me to achieve the reaching of my utmost potential.

The consequence to this is a life unfulfilled, lived at half best at best, or better yet like a flag at half mass, that honors the fallen soldiers that never had a chance to get up, and/or gave up in mid stride, it why we impose a rose for the things we love and the things we love we soon forget, and the rose we gave soon wither and die away, to return back to the earth from which it was seeded. The same as a thought that can also be deleted, after gifting oneself the correction that could be symbolized as the rose, where I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to impose upon myself a life lived at half best, at best believing in the thought that I’m imperfect and so would never have a chance to experience the best of me, then simply say “Delete” and walk the correction of, “When and as I see myself thinking/perceiving/believing that I have too many imperfection to experience/reach my utmost potential, I stop and breathe”. And within this comes a seeing, where then, “I see/realize/understand that the flaws I assume define my external appearance, is the flaw of self-judgement in the service of other, that I allow the idea of others renting space in my head, is the acceptance that I am imperfect and should just accept this idea”, in which case a commitment is a life-long agreement that can stand a lifetime if we let it, that “I commit myself to no longer accept and allow myself to ever go back to this way of thinking again”.

It’s needed to understand what flaws really is and imperfections that’ll never be perfect in a sense, when in the words it says, ‘I’m-perfect’ that only make sense, but drawn away from just how perfect one really is, when seeing what it is that we’re facing as a flaw, and look forward to correcting exactly what we saw, (internally speaking) that’s certain to change our outside appearance, and the experiences we have when strolling alone in our worlds.

Where every thought is a dislocation from the location I’m in and every location is a pin point placement of the experiences I have, knowing that my experiences most of the times change with my mood, it’s rude to think that I’m fine exactly where I am, outside of impressing “comfort as and enemy to progression”, it’s uncomfortable to think I’m progressing with imperfections, so the thing is, to lose the idea that I’m not good enough, and replace it with “For who” am I living in this world for in the first place, that’s (me) being perfectly capable of placing a stop to this diminishing way of thinking, and see that all of me is in perfect progression in line for what’s to come, just as long as I continue walking my process accordingly, and absorbing into acceptance all that I see needs to be reversed, and reverse the curse of holding onto ideas/perceptions and beliefs, that steals away my chance to live the best of me. Therefore;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to encapsulate the idea that I’m imperfect, instead of asking the question, “In who’s eye’s and what for”, meaning how (so) can it be, when all that is here, is as I am here also, experiencing this existence in some way or the other, which make our individualism a point of self-creation and the ideas I have is just a point of projection, that obviously came from me through the soaking up of societal media, that medians the connection between me and my utmost potential, in which case it’s simple, I must be the point of correction, to reinsert this connection and cut out all distraction, to have a direct line to Self as the ultimate satisfaction, and I won’t be satisfied until I make this happen, and pass it on to others to see how perfect we really are, it’s a notice in awareness to see how perfection really starts, which starts with correcting the separation between what I think and who I am as life, and that’s all I got for now, as I am a work in progress.

Thanks for reading.

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Day 856: Fear of Vulnerability

There’s an old tale that the boogeyman hides in the closet and at any moment, in the middle of the night, could jump out and get you, so you better go to sleep, and as the child goes to bed in thin cloth pajamas, feels vulnerable and use the blanket and covers as a shield, form of protection to not get caught by the boogeyman, thing is, the damage is already done that creates a lifetime of fear of being vulnerable and so close oneself off to the rest of the world in introversion, but interestingly enough within this, we create this idea that wearing a lot of clothes will protect us, thinking that the body is now protected and hopefully so is my mind, which is an illusion and makes being humble and meek a point of self-deceit, because (internally speaking) we’re just plain ole scared and to beware of the decisions that a scared person makes.

It’s a share that most don’t really want to talk about, out of fear of being told, “You don’t know what you’re talking about”, and scolded for talking out loud about the fears we have in the first place = Fear of Vulnerability, that’s clearly a tear drop away from crying a river for being Booed, but the truth is, we’re so used to being closed off and secluded, the mere thought of being open with someone is a red flag to our personable Ego, that’s comfortable with being a loner, just as long as we’re not second guessed for our beliefs, to then run away and even if we stay, it’s more the reason to not say a word about what I know and /or experience, that stems from a decision I made (with myself) way back when, that no one will understand me anyway, so why say anything.

An embarrassing laugh is the pathway to suppression that lessens the possibility of reaching my utmost potential, so keep to myself on the shallow end of things, when wallowing neck deep in deed/thought and belief, that all I am is a sheep, grazing with possibilities that’s promised to change me, but this weakness was hard to see, because I always kept my head down, never Shepherding responsibility to only focus on me, and so my distrust of others became the distrust of Self, I couldn’t stand with others nor the Self I wanted to be, because of the memories I had, I still let haunt me, the idea of get hurt and being brokenhearted, not making it in this world, which was so f***ing retarded, but the smartest thing I’ve ever done was to ‘Not Give Up’, because I knew/know there was/is something there (inside myself) that defines my purpose, my purpose for being Here, that untapped potential I deserve to know about that’s clearing instrumental, but if I’m always letting this embarrassing fear hold me back, I wouldn’t be aware of what comes after that, so;

To pay attention to the tendencies I have in my mind, that tentacles my expression to the self-sabotage design, with this crazy Idea that I’m not Valuable, which is being able to create value in my life, and then share my life’s worth value with all in my world, that’s really limitless for all of us in this world as a whole, but for me, it start’s with walking the corrections to the point of fear of vulnerability, of getting hurt and letting go of memories of the past, unconditionally in my past that passed along the gift of me being aware of it, and having the tools and sense to do something about it, it’s now beyond the point of figuring it out, but more so walking into the define Life Path that was laid out, in pin point for me to embrace and strap myself into, so that I can get to the point of experiencing that, that which has always been there waiting for me to embrace it, as all that is me, that is = ‘My Utmost Potential’, as life itself.

Thanks for reading.

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Day 855: Deflecting my Direction (Flipped Perspective)

I’ve spit myself into so many ways, spread thin into intersections of dismay, and so deflected the idea of bringing myself back together, because I detected the comfort-ability that lies within resistance, and so enjoyed the rest of being a bum to responsibility, which is obvious, I clearly didn’t know which direction to take or what direction was for that matter, that defeated my purpose and posed a threat, to my sense of forgetfulness I never forget, or forgave myself for in retrospect, I’ve only perpetuated direction as an external thing, when giving it to others without first giving it to me, but I was good at it, I knew exactly how to lead, with what I did know I thought complemented me, I could follow orders on how to give orders to others, but never ordered a change to the imbecilic me, back then I was betting on concealing my flaws as much as I saw that was externalized to, like the way I dressed if something was out of place, I would cover it up to look a different way, or change the direction in which I stood, as if to point out the flaws of somebody else, which eventually made me the point being talked about, because of the way I sought out deflecting my direction.

It’s hard to mustard up the courage to do something else, especially when what we’re doing seems to be working so well, so we block it, trying to blot it out of our minds, just to find it was really something we needed to see, like a second chance at directing me, that we long for but think it’s too hard to achieve, so instead of rolling up our sleeves and getting down to business, we complain, I need to know a little more about it and let doubt set in as the consequences accumulate, and hopefully it’s not too late to start right now, in telling oneself, I am the point of direction, and dictator of defining my life accordingly, according to living in an orderly fashion, and fashioning my mind to doing what’s best for all, so when all else fails I’m standing tall, in the sense of having molded my foundation out of bedrock.

I’ve placed myself in such a tight spot plenty of times, squeezing through my imperfections, because I’m perfect at disconnecting myself from taking the point of direction in action, that’s a massive disconnection from me, to supplementing it for the desire to feel free of responsibility, that’s the acceptance in design of doing nothing, but noting down how we don’t really feel like it, in spite of knowing it’s something we need to do, that clues the direction in which we should take, for each one in our very own way – to pay attention to the details that swells our understanding on how to stand as director in moments of panting and pacing around with our hearts racing, that mostly take place when anxiety strikes and anxiety strikes when the tight spot becomes a restriction, we simply make it hard for us to listen and breathe, when allowing our mind to dis-ease our direction, that actually starts with a more simpler point of deflection.

Where with word, we’re so apt to question a question in conversation with others in our worlds, where if it’s something we’re not ready to answer, our answer would be the same question back to them, the spotting of spite despite the importance of knowing, that what they’re asking need to be talked about, especially in relationships with careful consideration, do consider our best interest might be at play, and although for most part it’s out of concern, a wall of worry sometimes dampens our starting point, which allows deflection to come up rampantly, uncontrollably because we’re not directing ourselves, on both ends our direction should be the clearing of points, and walk away leaving no stone unturned, that way when the mind sits in a director’s chair we make sure “Assistant” is in front of it.

Standing equal to and one with the point of deflection in self-honesty, is a point of directing the context of what’s being presented, like getting to a point without being interrupted, because we all know how we like to take thing out of context, before they’re finished being talked about, before the point is made, and so need to be reminded to stay away from our beliefs, that thieves our understanding of what’s said thus far, so the deflection is “Hold on one moment” and to “Here a person out”, that way we can then direct the information we received, in it’s entirety to choose the best value for me, in which case deflection can be used constructively, as a point of directing what we’re trying to get across in all honesty.

What I realize is (At times) both directing and deflecting goes hand and hand, in certain situations where both are required, and if we’re directing each situation to the best of our ability, we’re accepting all that we’ve deflected, to see within others, who shows us a replicated mirrored image of ourselves, and to deflect this is like turning a blind eye to our self-growth potential, that’s instrumental to the process in which I’m walking, learning how to be the sole Director of me. And that’s all I have to say about that for now, as I am a work in progress. Direct Yourself!!

Thanks for reading.

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Day 854: Direction Vs. Deflection (Perspective)

Sitting on the throne of my own self-will, I will myself to direct my interactions, especially in situations full of distractions, infiltrate the impermeable with the call for action, but what tends to happen is I start to deflect points, instead of directing them effectively through introspection, where things would come up for me to see, then turn my head before they peak, in a motion of saying “No” to not see, as if to swat away flies that bothering me, but if you notice one thing, the “Flies” still remain, until we change the way we’re directing ourselves, without protecting the states in which we love to be in, that’s ‘ignorance is bliss’, and ‘I don’t give a f***’, that’s Flushing away the Creation of Kindness, unaware that this deflection is by direction of the mind. And when asked how are you we’re quick to say fine, just to appease to one another’s sense ability, which is clearly a defect that deflects our direction, to longing for recreation instead of correction.

Where the sense of happy times, keeps us on the edge of our seats, to where then everything we look at brings up old memories, to going into it as if it’s the present, that’s a point of deflection instead of direction, that messes with our focusing on what’s at hand, and can’t stand the mess we’ve made of what we’re doing, abusing the moment we had to be here, in fear of missing out on something we thought about, I mean it’s not really that hard for us to cut this out, where all we have to do is simply slow ourselves down, when thought after thought begins to compound, just take a step back and continue to breathe, to see how can I direct myself effectively.

Where breath is like a cured potion when done correctly, aware of the 4 count in and hold for 4 counts, then breathe out in one moment all that was thought about, and with what remains correction is needed, where I forgive myself for feeling defeated after deflecting these thought that came up in my mind, that overloads the senses in an emotional fashion, and become emotional when allowing my direction to be contaminated, by my mind stepping in to assist me to see, just how worse things have gotten for not directing me, shown to me in worst case scenarios we’re bound to react to, because of blowing an opportunity to follow through, as director in every moment never relinquishing our chair, to the executive producer of thoughts that only generates fear, and action movies that veers my attention towards conflict, promising “Don’t worry, you’ll get out through this”, then become content with what I’m seeing coming up on the screen, but scream soon as the pain affects my sense-ability.

The more we let things slip by the more they accumulate, and so sit within the ache that pains our day, it pains me to say, at times I still allow this, but what’s different now is the steps I choose to solve it, starting with ‘Never Giving Up’, that’s a must that I’ve learned, and turn back around when I’ve made the wrong turn, and stop thinking my way is the best thing going, and slowing myself down is a point courtesy, that Curtsy and Bows to the Self of me, the flesh of me that needs to be regarded, in every way I’m learning to regard myself, starting with investigating what spawned my imperfection, as the thoughts that came up I choose to deflect, just to protect what I call my self-interested Ego, and we all know where the Energy Goes we’re soon to follow, that’s hollow when Self-Intimacy should be at play, this is how I’m learning to charge my day, and stay vigilant to the experiences of me, that way I’m aware to direct what I see, that’s easily overlooked and pushed aside, until realized we can’t hide behind what we deflect.

Deflection is the protection and defense mechanism, that guards our “face” from facing what we see, where the projected saying ‘You can learn a lot from a dummy”, is especially true when looking at me/yourself in the mirror, that’s My-Mundane-Demon, choosing to not see/hear/respond to what I’m shown, listen to or feel, all because we’re feeling endowed, in the end as if we’re owed a pardon or something, to partly stay within this point of deflection, that lessens or ability to become directive principle and principal the school of self in which we learn, and yearn to understand this physical reality.

Just as casually as I defected from directing myself, I now choose to casually correct myself from this mess I’ve made of my point of direction, that starts with one’s sharing my own introspection, and walk into directing every part of me, that’s not easy but needed to change my reality, that only I can facilitate for the betterment of me, that would strengthen the relationships I have with all in my world, and correct the relationship I have with myself, that way I maximize on my utmost potential, and simply enjoy the life I would like to live, as life, doing that which is best for all life in fact. That’s a learn to direct myself/ourselves in the right direction that best suits our individual well-being, with self-acceptance.

More to come…

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Day 853: Attracting Reactions

Situations are like constipation when not handled correctly, they escalate and accumulate to the behest of our understanding, not knowing what it is that causes our reactions, and so aggressively attach ourselves to this point of distraction, where at times a mean look can set a person off, or a few words that strike nerves when spoken profoundly, an unintended point of spite when bumping into someone, or saying things at times when they shouldn’t be said, around other while claiming “But I’m telling the truth”, that abuses a person’s Ego who confided in you, it’s like we love to think that we can help someone out, then open our mouths and shout about what was on a need to know bases.

Questioning a person’s vulnerability level is like pushing them to the forefront to purposefully experience embarrassment, or as a child getting a whooping and told “this hurt me more than it hurts you”, I mean what’s the real reason behind these infractions, unaware of the things we do that attracts reactions, is it a passion to react to the passing of energy, and pass it on for others to induct our feelings, then react to them not feeling the same way we do, as they react to the way we just made them feel, self-honesty is knowing what and what not to say or think, at which time is appropriate or inappropriate for the cause, like is it appropriate to talk about death in a nursing home, and some might be saying “Depending on what context it’s in”, where rebuttals are an attempt to justify our reactions, just to say “well you just made me react to this”, it’s a design I know well and have participated in, and wonder why it’s reacted to, the way we are.

Persona’s that dis-honestly lies to our stance, attracts a reaction from onlookers afar, where what then comes up is “who do they think they are”, that sees directly through the vail we’re presenting, but if we’re being personable it’s hard to react to, being that we’re allowing the next person their space and time, when amiable it’s taking into consideration the other persons mind, because this is what we would like for ourselves, a situation of sitting and conversing effectively, respecting the sharing one another’s vulnerability, harmlessly adding on to what the other is saying, that makes for an efficient way to communicate.

Subjecting ourselves to the gospel of gossip, insures that we react to listening to it every time, where what I find interesting is the attentiveness we have when hearing things about other, that gropes our attention span to perking our ears, so when there’s nothing to say, tag it’s about you, or me to see where you fit in to my reactionary self, that’s attractive on the surface but underneath it’s a warning, that our time is coming soon, because we’ve accepted this behavior.

Playing savior is a savvy way to abdicate responsibility, where some can tell you what to do, but don’t follow our own advice, and when seen that one do not practice what we preach, attracts a reaction from the one that was advised, and although everything that was said was absolutely right, the disguise is the lie we tell ourselves, that “If I can explain it well, it must mean that I’m living it to, that no correction is needed and this is all I have to do”, but what’s interesting is, this attracts a reaction towards self, when things fall apart that we did nothing about, where frustration is most patiently waiting to arise, and irritation is what happens after drying our eyes, from crying too much about not following our own words, but think the words we say can save others from themselves, without testing out the program we’ve written to be lived, and gift to our Self a freedom from reaction.

In fact when adapting to the conflict of things, we spring into character for everyone to see, then said,
“You bet not mess with them, because they’re crazy”, that’s amazing to see how we replace equality with inequality, towards others in our worlds because they’re non-compliant to what we see, about the world and in their worlds with how they choose to walk their process, that messes with the very fabric of their location point, and interrupts the time it takes for them to figure things out. As a reaction that’s justifiable when it’s ‘Just-If-I’m-Able’ to explain myself that somewhat makes sense, but cover up the acceptance of energy that’s present, a power trip in fact if for a moment I get pissed, then say “All I have to do is Self-Forgiveness”, where in common sense things like this is overlooked, and yes although we correct it the point still stands, that we never really gave the other person a chance, to stand in correction and expand themselves, from another life’s lesson that we’re rushing them to see, that attracts a reaction from you and me.

Thing is, our acceptances and allowances are our own to bear, and when pushed upon others in the form of dare, creates a fear that a reaction could be imminent, if you keep trying to scare me into doing what you’re doing, that exacerbated in religion I participated in for so long, to where now the rest of my life I would like to change on my own, and in my own time, granted I now take responsibility and apt to accepting assistance when given considerably, that’s spoken for all of us who walks this process alike, when speaking to ourselves I’ve learned not to be spiteful. Therefore;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider how easy it is to attract a reaction from others through the things I say, the way I present myself and my behavior, when unbecoming to who I am as life, with little sprinkles of spite in thought, “Well it’s on them if they react” and/or “They shouldn’t react to things”, which of course is true, but in a way lose touch with what I’ve been through and had to go through to get to where I am now, and all who came before me who had patience with me, allowing me the time to step into the realizations of me, without forcing their own understanding upon me, but graced me with the space and time to catch up and walk with, and if I slip while walking with, there is no punishment, because We are all a work/walk in progress, and will progress even more when considering others. And that’s all I have to say about that, for now.

Thanks for reading.

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Day 852: Making Up for Lost Time

A back track in fact to the past, to the things we didn’t do or missed that passed, but feel the need to make up for, like putting our life on pause to see and absorb, what all the fuss was assumed about, about a belief of the miss we can’t live without, and so wake up to make up for the time we’ve lost, that cost us a waste of time right now, it’s about how time waits for none of us, who choose to wait on time to pass, then end up doing things in the nick of time, that brings forth the experience of a rush affect, begets a Lost = Low-Starting point and fear to lose the things unseen, like feelings and ideas that happiness brings, that’s impossible to make up for in times of loss.

In times of loss we grieve the impossible, the “I should’ve and could’ve” that couldn’t have possibly happens, subtract the facts when looking back, to see we had no control over that, but in a weeks-time we’re soon to forget, to again play making up for the lost time spent, in sadness and depression that lessons our ability, to see the stripping of essence from our beingness, I mean it, it’s an abscess on our demeanor, the more we look forward to back in the day, = the more we repeat the same mistakes, is it really impossible to make up for making mistake, to then wake up with a headache and a little more meaner, I mean we simply can’t make this s*** up, with a mind made up to refurbish the past, then pass alone the past as the history of us, from generation to generation with a lack of self-trust, then bust into the future looking to make up for lost time, just to find that we’re back set in our old ways.

I wish, is a condensed version of wanting to make up, in a sense of knowing what I didn’t know back then, but when wish is Will-I-Stand-Here in common sense, becomes a point of correcting, that mistakes was made, it’s infectious the idea of an opinionated-self, as an option, I can do whatever I want, except do nothing about the wants I desire, that’s inspired by wanting to make up for lost time, hypersensitive to being told, “let it go that’s the past”, a bold thing to ask when one is possessed by it, asking what do you know about what I’ve been through, then walk away and possibly lose connection with you.

In relationships ‘making up’ is the same as ‘making out’, because in both we’re trying to change the way we feel, where after a while only time is able to reveal, just how lost we were for having to make up for lost time, in spite of one another, soon to change our mind, after realizing the way that things turned out, trying to make up for failed relationships of the past, that’s brought forth into the relationships of now, where there’s no way it’ll have any room to expand, unless we ever plan on really letting things go, unconditionally after accepting the past as the past, before moving on and into creating something new.

When having a conversation with someone you haven’t spoken to for quite some time, what comes to mind, is the catching up aspect, where it’s perceived to be making up for lost time, which is really a re-mind of the happy times that was spent together, where there’s rarely a question of any self/life changing factors, unless it’s conflictual or a point of longsuffering, to be followed by a moment sympathy and that’s it, then quick to say ‘cool to catch up with you man’, as a point of escaping any further news, and if you speak common sense, the other person will stop talking to you, and you’ll probably won’t see them again in life, which could be for trying to make up for lost time.

That being said, outside of superficiality, walking one point at a time is a making up in fact, to catch up and walk with to be right and exactly where time is of good use, that seduces ‘making up for lost time’, and proves that all is not lost which starts the point of change, and rearrange the missing to a mission of possibilities, that’s probably the best idea for making up to Self, considering the rivals of survival that we’re behind in the first place, that makes lost time a thing to replace with forward movement, and in conclusion one can start from now, to say I’ve made up my mind to make now the point of change.

Where I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play this game with myself, wanting to make up for lost time, thinking and believing time can be made up from the past, that places my Self right back into the past from whence I came, and become ashamed that I didn’t excel at what I was attempting, that still houses traces of mistakes that was made, being that I missed the obvious that the past should be corrected and not made up for, ignoring the purpose for being here right now. And I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand, the point of making up to self, that substantiates the creation point, by starting with walking one point at a time, as the point of self-change to catch up and walk with, in making up one’s own mind to no longer accept and allow myself to live this lapse of time and judgement, to accept and direct the jurisdiction of me, so that I may use this time now efficiently. As I am/we are a work in progress.

Thanks for reading.

Desteni.org

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