Day 700: This is Me pt.3

Continuing from Day 699: Is This Me pt.2

At a milestone of 700, in which I wouldn’t believe that I would make it this far, if you would have told me back then when I really first started, being that my track record shows that I never made it to far, because it was like I was trying to drive without wheels on a car, that didn’t go no where because the messages weren’t real, but only incited a discussion and debated in fear, being that we like to talk about things that we don’t know, and in the end look at each other like I really don’t know, so one thing after another I started and quitted it, and started and quitted it, until I got sick of it, but kept the search go on without giving up, on Me even when it felt like that I was stuck, and couldn’t find my way up so just laid there for a while, like laying in a pile of leaves when I was a child, looking up to the sky with a smile on my face, until reality came and smacked Me dead in the face, telling Me you’re not done and have no time to waste, so get to it life awaits you in the end, which is a New beginning of a New world my friend, with you and all Life in it, in which will take a process to achieve, so get up, stand up and wipe off your knees and start walking.

I’ve become partial to praise now and really don’t want to hear it, and even if it’s genuine I still don’t want to hear it, because of the old pattern I existed as, that I now need to let go, with the rest of my past unconditionally for sure, and condition Me to stand as who I am now, to accept it when it’s real and investigate when it’s not, to stop the energy behind this acceptance and just be, to live responsibly as only the real Me can, and Man up when the thought comes up that I can’t.

This is Me, but at times it seems hard to be that, being that I have given mind a direct pass, unconsciously, while consciously following the thoughts around, that I’m worthless and useless, then tell myself man these thoughts are useless, when the true is, I’ve been down that road before, that lead me to Here and back at the same door of being bored to deaf of repeating the same thing, like repeating the same mantra and waiting for a feeling that’ll never comes, then experience the placebo effect, as if I did something that had a positive affect on my life, that only really caused me strife and longsuffering, while asking myself “This is Me right”? but it wasn’t and only create negativity in my Life, while the real Me I just pushed and shoved aside, that would eventually come to the forefront and show itself right now, because all I’ve working on is Me right now.

I’ve stopped trying to change others and started changing myself, so others can look in and see that I’m changing myself and do the same, then this world will change for the better, with No bets to be made in a moment of being clever, but whether or not you change Ima stand my ground, right next to you equally and share Me frequently, as an example of what changing you can do, but don’t get Me wrong, I’m still changing Me too, to reach my utmost potential, that’s still a bit of a blur right now, but only when I get to it I’ll show you how, but for now I really really, got work to do, because This is Me and this Me is not about you or against you, so thanks for reading and self-forgiveness to come, as a correction to the new Me, before it’s all said and done.

To be continued…

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Day 699: Is This Me pt. 2

As the question never asked, when stuck in a mind possession, a space of forced certainty when uncertainty is present, believing that I have the right to be right about what I’ seeing, because I’m seeing it, without considering we create what we want to see, and believe it to be real, and that’s just who I am and that’s just how I feel, it’s me, I mean really, and for so long this has been the way I’ve created my world as a reactive one, reacting to what everyone else does, as if it was Me, but it’s not and never will be, when you look at it, and in fact when others comes up in our minds, we tend to push the real Me’s aside, like collapsing our own spine, to give way for the puppeteer that’s been stringing us along, which in fact is placing me in my own zone of limitation and doubt and hopelessness, the route we so often take with no way out, and into making more mistakes, because this me that I’m perpetuating is not real but fake, that I done Feng swayed and placed in place of the real Me, that’s been locked away, until I started to see, what the hell I was doing to myself.

But even then the attachment of what has been, I still connect to the word Me, like when seeing the word Me, I think of the minds me of self-interest, which is interesting, because of the separation I held within it , against everyone else, like it’s me against the world, instead of seeing the world as me and me as the world, know that we are the world that we’ve created to live in, in the way it exist today that makes no sense, by the Me’s we’ve characterized and played out to the fullest, to losing sight of the real Me while acting bullish, which is all an act, but where am I in fact, meaning I created this me as merely an act.

Then when reading “Let talk about Me”, I assume that it’s about everyone else instead of me, in which case I forgot to see the We that consist of, partly me, but have trapped myself within a few degrees of separation, entitled “The Belittlement of self, the Belittlement of Me with no Value left”, like I don’t even exist, (and BTW thanks for the assistance), to showing the world Yes, I’m part of this existence too, I count, and I matter in this world with you, and that was me then before and this is Me Now after. As I continue correcting my past disastrous Me’s, I’ve rationalize to myself as a ration of lies I’ve patronized within myself and followed around by myself, I did this to me, but now taking responsibility, that’s unheard of, but this is now Me

Another me I perpetuated is; “Who did that” and answered that’s all me, the seeker of praise character, that’s so diminishing, that would do just about anything to get my head pumped up, with all this stuff, stating, I am the s***, which was true in essence because of the bullshit I spewed, out of my mouth and onto you, you and them, trying to make a friend, instead of befriending the Me that I really am, I mean this is a deep seeded problem most all exist as, with the lying to ourselves, thinking it’ll soon pass, and I’ll get over this stage without knowing how to correct it, then leave it as is without correcting it, to wondering who am I because this is all getting so complicated and draining me dry of all my energy I had, and it’s sad because the real Me’s is nowhere to be found, until one looks in the mirror, while pushing back the smoke clouds, to see clearly, Here you are. I mean, is this Me? With more to come, and thanks for reading.

To be continued…

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Day 698: Is This ME

Interesting how the consideration of Me is there, but the knowing/understanding and expressing the Me as who I am today, remains to be shared, which begs to question the confidence level I exist as, We exist as, opening up the point of what are we scared of, in fact after a change and banishment away from others in our world, who silently do not accept the new Me that I am now, and so end up fighting ourselves for this self-acceptance, which in a way is a misnomer, because we do accept ourselves or else we wouldn’t be walking a process of self-change/correction and acceptance of the Me, We are now.

The idea that nobody loves Me, is short lived when loving the Me I am now for myself, because for the longest I’ve catapulted the Me of self to wanting to be like someone else (Be like Mike) in essence, as a slogan, and most when the feeling of Disempowerment come into play, that I’m less than, because I’ve lessened my interaction with those in my world of Yesterday, who I’ve aloud to keep me attached to the Me of then and in sin to win status, that has complicated my life up until the point I started walking my process, so what now?

You see, it’s just an idea of a has been, that’s been in the way of Me fully expressing the Me I am today, in which all was need was the cross referencing that it’s ok, then the reiteration and acceptance that “Hey, this is Me’, and it’s ok for me to own it, show it, share it and enjoy it, because I ain’t going back for s***.and you know it, so accept Me as I am now, because I’m keeping it stepping, without spiting you and no more second guessing myself, the old You I used to be I put on the shelf, but keep it plain sight, because it helped Me to realize Self and got me to this point, the point of being proud of myself and no longer disappointed at the things that I didn’t do right in all my past lives, but to be Here in the moment without Judging or fighting the Me of today, I’m in the process of changing my ways, so Yes the Me that I am Now is Here to stay.

But when look back the picture seem so inviting, that’s why I keep writing to get to the bottom of it all, because all it takes is one slip up to fall right back into the same points I’m walking through now, that would be 10 times harder to get through somehow like Wow not again man, so you be you and I’ll be Me, at different process locations in our own realities, tis not to say that I’m separate from you, because you too got me to some of the points that I’m walking through, so in essence thank you and I’ll leave it at that, and if you wondering who I’m talking to, It’s all the Me’s of my Past. And that’s just for starters.

To be continued…

Thank you for reading.

Desteni.org

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Day 697: Walking through Consequences

Not an easy feat by any means, but one must do it to get to the other side of change, in the moment of taking responsibility for oneself positioning placement, to ensure that one never repeats the same thing over again, where stability is the key, but in the midst of it, the key is to get past the resistance and from there, everything (for most part) is downhill, although hard still, ones will power will make a way to reach your resolve in the end, to not do the same s*** over again.

To me, consequences is the sequence of events played out after an infraction has happened in one’s life, that caused a refraction to take place as a reaction to an action perpetuated and not faced, but turned a blind eye toward, until the compounding factor becomes your 20/20 vision, from asking how did this happen, to looking for a culprit to blame, to realizing I should be ashamed of myself for doing this to me, that I now faced with the consequences I didn’t foresee, that’s a bit overwhelming, I mean overwhelming as hell, I mean overwhelming to the point of me wanting to fail and give up, but by doing that would make it 10 times worse, and 10 times longer like walking backward in reverse, then turning back around and finally walking to where you’re going, to finally facing the consequences to what you reaped is what you’ve sown, that’s showing you/me that we’ve been fast asleep, while being of this world, believing that I’m free, to do what I want, but is this really what I want, when it’s our free choice and decisions that comes back and haunt us in the end, to feeling dirty in my skin, that I now have to walk through the same consequences again.

Did I do something in another life, is just the extended blame factor, that’s factored in when not wanting to really face what I’m seeing, but tell myself I’ve been a good person so why is this happening to me, and not them for doing the same thing, where in lies the problem in not seeing the gift, the gift that we’ve become more aware of what we’re doing, and so more aware of the consequences that follows, when living a life so shallow and hollow and empty, I mean what happen to living life simplistically, instead of over complicating things with emotions and feeling, to doing more than I can, and biting off more than I can chew, that’s now created consequences for me to walk through.

Although each person has a different way of creating consequences for themselves, the walk of shame is all the same as everyone else, where we feel bad and sad and first go into a slump, then getting mad at ourselves like WTF, but hold up, what I’ve found is that there is a correction to it all, when walking through consequences one Must stand tall, and keep standing within the understanding that this too will pass, but first I have to correct myself for my past, and after writing it out and applying self-forgiveness on what you’ve wrote, one’s stance become corrective about what you wrote, to moving more slowly and cautious when walking through our day, to being unwavering when faced with the same, because the consequences of what we’ve just walked through is fresh in you mind, where we’ll then be test quite a few times, but what will we now do?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created consequences for myself to walk through, but in the midst of walking through them experience a sense of being overwhelmed, to wondering will I ever get through this hell, while looking for a back door to escape out of with no luck, being that I’ve locked myself into this position in the first place, that I now have to clean up the mess I’ve made for myself in order to find the key to release myself from this room, with a lesson well learned from being in this room, and I’ve learned to not repeat the same thing again. And that right there is how it’s done, until one is done reliving the same mistake from our past, to no longer accept and allow myself to put myself in this position again, but to be aware of what I’m doing in every moment and watch what I’m spending.

Thanks for reading.

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Day 696: The Devil is in the Details

What you don’t see, but eventually will see, is the devil in you and the devil in me, because of the way we lived, brushed aside and swept under the rug, has now piled up into a pile of crud, that in the moment of enacting, may have housed cruel intentions, where the mere mention of what we’ve done may cause one to cringe, but only we know the details to what’s so hard for us to see, thing is once known, will we then take self-responsibility and correct it, nobody has to know so by all means don’t put yourself on blast, just be self-honest with yourself when correcting your past, to get to the point where one is changing at last, that can be seen by others, that they’re changing fast.

They say the devil is in the details, but no one want’s to tell you what it is, because of it being a slogan that no one has lived, except when the details can make you a lot of money, I mean everybody wants to live in the land of milk and honey, but no one want’s to share this land equally with all, I mean they fall, you fall, I fall, and we all fall and that’s all she wrote folks, to seeing this world as one big joke, to poking holes at and within it, to sinking deeper into our devious intentions and way, to dealing with only what we can save for ourselves and leave the scraps for the rest, not considering that the details is in what we just left.

They say the devil is in the details, but who really reads the fine print, when all that’s really longed for is the energy within it, to attaining this energy, then saying money well spent, while in the midst of forgetting about common sense, that in a short time this product will break like everything else, that we then place as another trinket on our shelf, next to all the other stuff we’ve missed the details in, then claim that the devil is the catapult to our sins, but really though when we’ve just reversed the word lived, and blamed the devil instead of learning how to self-forgive.

If the details got the devil in them, then we haven’t lived life, but deviled in spite our whole damned life, claiming that if they’re wrong I must be right, but who cares about the details if all we do is fight over which way to look at it, with a thousand different perspectives, instead of coming to one accord by doing introspection, and of course it’s best to be detailed in what you do, which can be done without the devil coming out of you., just to blow things out of proportion, instead of playing with fine tune, where a two week project would probably take you to June or July all because of the energetic high of wanting to be seen as the show off type, then thinking about it too much into procrastination and prolonging into telling ourselves I’m just being detail when everything is going wrong, because the word detailed has become an excuse to take our time, and the devil comes in when being directed by our mind, so yes there is a fine line between the details and the devil, and that fine line is the way we chose to tell it, and look at it and sort it out, to be detailed in fact, but by all means don’t get stuck between the crack of being detailed and over doing it to knowing that you blew it, but to slow down and breath, then move through it like fluid to get things done. So, the word play of the day is to have fun when being detailed and leave the devil out of it, to be able to walk through with ease all sorts of problems.

Thanks for reading.

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Day 695: Who am I, in the Moment of Doing Things

More like where are we and what is our inspiration for doing the things we do, to what is it that we use (in essence) to keep ourselves grounded here and focused on what’s at hand, to who am I doing this for and why is it not for me, to am I always the starting point of what I chose to participate in or is it to appease others? Interestingly enough these are questions we don’t ask ourselves beforehand, before getting deep into doing things, participating within things, but would rather (unaware) follow an automated way of doing things, without considering the direction we’re taking is not by our own accord (although it feels like it), but by what’s been the way of the world for so long and as far back as we can remember, and so who am I in the moment of doing things is not considered.

What I’ve come to realize (with assistance) is that, it’s not necessarily the outcome of what were doing that counts, (although it do), but our participation within the process of doing it, for example, say one is having a conversation with someone, about any specific topic where, the ‘Who I am’ comes in investigating and looking at what thoughts are coming up within me, what reactions are coming up, if any to what’s being said/discussed and why am I allowing such thoughts/reactions to come up, where in the moment one can do self-forgiveness within oneself to stop this from happening and/or take a pause or step back from the conversation, in asking for a moment to clear oneself, but who does that, when the only thing that’s on one’s mind is getting one’s point across, which begs the question, is getting one’s point across more important than clearing and correcting oneself in the moment or before the moment to communicate effectively?

Obviously when it comes to work related projects and things, one’s starting point is that of survival, but within that, what may come up is a point of competition, of wanting to do better than your colleague or the person in the cubical next to you, in order to stand out and apart from the rest, in the bosses eye, which can still be achieved, by doing the best we can, without bringing the next person into it, that in a way takes away from the authentication of what we’re doing, that opens the door for missing things and mistakes made, with the extra of someone else being on our minds.

Then when you’re alone is where the real test comes in, even just around the house when doing random things, where who am I comes in when thinking about what’s going through my mind when cooking and cleaning, other than just cooking and cleaning, and it’s fascinating how our mind will bring up, certain things to think about in certain parts of our homes, that when in that specific area we may have specific thought about what’s now coming up, but when we leave that room it stops, then get to the next and a memory of being in that room resurface that’s accompanied by an old thought that came up before when previously being in there, and so on and so on.

Initially what I didn’t realize is that these old thoughts that’s being triggered by going into specific room in my house, is points being shown to me that may have underlying dimensions that I hadn’t looked at, in the initial moments of correction and doing self-forgiveness for them, that need to be looked at again and investigated deeper, but instead wondered why this was happening, into judging myself for it, instead of the continued correction of it, that altered who I really am, to who I had become in a moment of self-judgement.

I mean forgetting to let it go, is easier said than done, than should be the first thing done, in the sense of stopping the extra baggage before any correction can be taken, placing oneself in a position of changing the experience of me before and during, doing the things we do, that would show that who I am in the moment of doing things, is the expression of that in which what I am doing, at all times. Therefore, the correction would be;

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that who I am in the moment of doing things, is the expression of that in which what I am doing, but have rather disregard the investigation needed of the experience of me, in bringing up extra thoughts, memories and reactions to what I’m doing/participating in, from conversations, to projects at work, that could work out better for myself, if I let go of the judgement I hold towards myself, as resentment for becoming emotional in the midst of doing things, to correcting every aspect of what comes up within me, as these thoughts and reactions to standing in fact as the starting point of what I do and allow myself to participate in, as who I am as life.

And in doing so, one begins to take self-responsibility for our behavior when in the little moments of doing things, to doing things in awareness that I am Here/Present and focused on what’s at hand, before and in front of me, to doing the best that I can with efficiency and effectively.

Thanks for reading.

Desteni.org

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Day 694: A Resisting Perspective

That for some reason we don’t feel like doing in the moment, with the excuse/justification looming in the background to push it off until later, that’s a procrastinators dream words, while promising to ourselves that I’ll get to it, you just watch, wait and see, to seeing the next day that nothing ever got done, because I was lazy, which is easy to do when it’s related to only me and you, but for someone else it’s always a different story.

But will still look for ways to get around it if we can, like washing the dishes and leaving the pots and pan, because I didn’t want to scrub them in the moment, so I just let them soak which is easier for the grease to come undone over time, but still a point of resistance that I’m fine with, that little by little soaks up my time quick, to not having enough time for myself later, than later do the same thing again, to resisting the point of having resistance and then when finished, telling ourselves, I could have done this a long time ago, I mean where have all the time gone that I need right now.

Which brings up the point of accumulated resistance (time), where if we were to look back at all the time we’ve delegate to the point of resistance, throughout our lives, I’m sure it would add up to all the time we wish you had right now, in a moment of being sad, that I’m not going to be able to finish this in the time I have, and interesting the design of it that’s so perfectly place, I mean the resistance we face, really takes up extra space in our lives, until it’s walked through and realized to be that something extra that we can do without, that would change our perspective on life, without a doubt.

And pouting within the belief that I have no energy, but the energy that I needed I resisted completely to staying in my ways of self-judgement and empathy, to simply not doing anything at all, until the last moment in the midst of a fall that never fails, because I’m now seeing it all, to standing tall and getting back on track again, but am I too late, because even when I’m done it’s still a moment I waste, and end up resisting to even face and correct, although it comes up as a past reflection, no need for missed opportunities and a moment of self-direction, but to instead take self-responsibility.

What I realize is that when sitting down and jumping right into it, the point of resistance seems to diminish, dissipates and fade away into the back ground and the more I continue the easier it get, to getting it done without putting much thought into it, and then rinse and repeat every time this resistance comes as a point to defeat, to stay consistent and meekly walk through it throughout your day, keeping in mind that the word play of the day is to create space in your life, by facing and walking through the point of resistance today.

Thanks for reading.

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