Day 799: ‘Used by You’ (On Going)

Domination is never a factor per se, but a point of submission given, that’s given in a moment of weakness or addiction, addicted to a feeling, sought after to compensate for the lack of self-intimacy one should give to oneself before falling victim to the plight of usury and abusiveness, reciting the lyrics “Some of them want to abuse you”, “Some of them want to be used by you”, and “Some them want to be abused”, defining such as sweet dreams, and after the two minute drill of pleasure is complete, feel incomplete and depleted and want a cigarette to contemplate on what the F*** I’ve just done, for nothing. [Ring a bell!].

All in a moment of enjoying the perks of hell, that twerks our body into feeling useless as hell, and so want to get away, when coming back to reality, thinking that this reality is the cause of it all, when all in this reality cause our own hell, by using others and different things to advance our advantage, never taking the opportunity to advance one another, but see the girl in the red dress as a piece of meat and the guy in the red shoes as your saving grace, to be milked for goods.

Vampires in fact, with admirers we gain using the reel in affect as our picture perfect presentation, but behind the mask is a horrific mind, on either side where the deception runs deep, then go to sleep and have lucid dreams about being a predator, that’s a connection point created through the eyes of the mind, while thinking, this is the best God send of all time, then with nerves of steel look towards the heavens with clasped hands saying “Thank you” for sending me an “Angel”. Like really!

But little do we know the S*** we just got ourselves into, that shows how s*** for brains we really are when making decisions, like the decision being made on how this all relates to the point of Usury, that ‘I had no clue that I’ve been using you’, after the point comes out in the form of a break up, then wonder how can we make up the mistakes we’ve made, that’s already been made up, but in the wrong way, so forget about it and start correcting yourself today. Therefore, the correction would be;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be subject to the point of usury, for using self-interest to my advantage, instead of taking the opportunity to advance my relationships and that with another in a productive way, and stay with the bounds of both being ready player ones.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/perceive/believe in being ready for anything, without proper preparation, the equation of self-acceptance and understanding through investigation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give permission through the eyes of addiction, to attain a feeling of energetic proportion, where the more I desire the more I lose sight on being intimate with myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to overlook the point of being used by you, in hopes that the using would be a mutual thing, that always end in confusion, because of the abuse that’s accepted on either end.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have been the engine that brought down a sinking ship for allowing myself to be overly used, and abused with the idea that another would reciprocate, once I’ve done so much of what they’ve asked that never happened, and I never ask the question as to why am I allowing this to be done to me, and so became comfortable with being used – that abuses the point of being comfortable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept victimhood in a strange fantastical way, as a collective with estranged ways of doing things, in role playing, rolling around in our minds in search to find someone else to excite our togetherness, but that’s a secret no one should know about, that most have done that needs to be corrected, except when the fantasy is about you and me, with no attachments to the point of usury.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and Use, ‘Using’ a moment to take the opportunity to give as I would like to receive, that would insinuate the point of USE’ being US being Enough for one another, in any type of Friendship/Relationship/Partnership you’re in, as a definitive factor in the redefinition of Use, because it has always in all ways been Us anyway.

Point being the usury of self is projected outwards, that’s not seen to have an avid effect on the user in fact, because the energy feels great, but a point of pain we can’t see – that’s why in the midst of pleasure a lonely tear rolls down your cheek, and claim I’m in love. Think not, but to Correct, as “I” am a work in progress in every aspect of the words I speak.

Thanks for reading.

Desteni.org

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Day 798: ‘Used by You’ (The Past Part)

With permission given we take advantage of living under the thumb of another in a way, that may or may not be in the best interest of others, ‘May’ because of the support you each get from one another, the ability to sound off, rant and rave into a board that initially accepts you for venting purposes, as long as the correction is then taken place, ‘May not’ when nit picking comes into play, the thinking and creating something out of nothing, that we all have experienced at some point in our lives, being on both ends, but a learning lesson and nothing to ‘ride home about’, thing is with nothing said, creates a dead space in between the two, that opens the door for thinking that one or the other is being ‘used by you’, but not the case, in some cases, we’ve just allowed our mind to step into the place where we were supposed to take the opportunity to create and live the understanding of who each other is.

Often time niceness is used as a door way to spitefulness when the rights we give another is taken advantage of, like a succulent pig licking it’s chops, because of finding a weak spot in the bone that holds no marrow and carefully chew on words that hurt, purposefully, then try nursing the other back to feeling good, by offering none less than a way given, which is usually sex, and I hate to say it, when this is not about you, but in the sense of experiencing it in relationships of my past, and money works to, to keep the friendship going, until the money runs out and so do you, I mean when is the last time this has been a topic of discussion, without fussing and cursing somebody out about it.

Almost never in a way, when almost never is the case, living relationships/friendships in oneness and equality, that’s undoubtedly a problem solver and dissolver of spite, when the light at the end of the tunnel seems to be dimming, and swimming in sorrow for NOTHING, when no thing has put us there but the idea of loss, fear of loss to be exact, when losing in this case is your best bet, I mean I’ll lose him or her, when the ready player one become an abuser and use usury in this case to get their rocks off, which is then reserved for the next episode, without me in it.

Addicted decisions, cause for gullibility, when adding diction to the equation, what’s not realized is the actual definition of who we are in the moment of panting for acceptance, then ranting when not receiving it, stating ‘I’ll do anything’ and that part right there is the trap that slaps us into a cage of submission with no bars, but freely given with a mission to someday get even Steven, but why did they use his name as a fall guy?

When the fall is ever so graceful, best conceived it was premeditated and waited upon for the right time to slip, then take some pills to fall asleep again and wake up in the morning without making a sound, tippy toing around, because if the other wakes up all hell is will break loose, (As it seems) that’s why First Shift is in high demand, because I rather deal with the world system instead of a morning mind, in the morning, because I can find solace thinking on my own, without being used as a verbal punching bag, because the other had a punchy dream, and wanted to use me as the medium or go between.

Another thing, although the house is clean, it’s not clean enough when things are not put back in the right spot, that often times changes when you’ve done all the work, in hopes that a perk could soon be in order, that’s an interesting quirk within a relationship, and too late to talk about when the mind sets in, but again, if you’ve faced it then own it as a component for building a healthy relationship with another, that’s cause for a healthy interaction with others, and a main component within a successful relationship, and if this makes you mad don’t take it out of another, because I once felt guilty for doing the same thing, that didn’t solve anything and made things worse, that would be a curse for anything New one is attempting to start.

To be continued….

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Day 797: Make Up Artist Perspective (Correction)

Painting the moon red, showing the simulation of color, some would call the blood moon and wonder why we call it that, unbeknownst to the circumstances of change, with a best guess that we’ve killed more life than we’ve saved our own, but seen as a cool phenomenon through the lens of a telescope, that tells you the true nature of this existence, and Nope we still don’t listen, but praise the Lunar Eclipse as if Gods hand is at play and trying to tell you something.

Layers under the earth are lined with black Crude we use to roll around in our vehicles, pump heater and create fires when mining the earth, inspired by the mining being done to us, without our awareness, and don’t really want to know, that this crude is part fossilized decay of human bodies and animals alike that once walked the earth on different time lines, from cave men, dinosaurs to the girl next door life times ago, but Whoa, this is too much information, when only wanting to make up happy pictures in provocation that something better is out there in the next life, so f*** this one, Huh.

When waking up and realizing the mistakes we’ve made up to be miss takes and moments of spurted happiness, creates sadness on an astronomical scale that Nostradamus predicted but we didn’t listen, where some called him a witch to turn off his switch, so that we could continue live life in a perpetual state of blindness insinuated through darkness, everytime the Sun comes up, that blinds us from seeing the levels of programing like he did.

Interesting how we’re quick to write it off and ride off into the Sunset, stating I can’t wait to go to bed, so the past can pass me by which never happen but still here, claiming that it’s in the past and not relevant to me making money nowadays, but for days on end wonder how we got ourselves to the point of painting ourselves in a corner that for most, only a coroner could bring us out of, shouting at the top of our lungs, you did this to me, instead of seeing how I did ‘this’ to me, so for those as me who still choose not to see, re read the previous paragraph, just so I can see what I’m saying, and stop playing with the life I choose not to live and live it equally with all.

Let’s paint the town red, is the socially acceptable way to say I’m killing my blood cells every time I ignore my body telling me how I am allowing the system within me to sabotage my body, the chance to become life, by enforcing the blueprints of the system to be more engrained with me, through the reckless intake of alcohol, nonstop, because I’m not yet aware that everything can be used for a corrective purpose, I mean think about that for a moment, where corrective purpose is the understanding of us as everything around us – that we ingest in that could be assistive and supportive in a way, but first one have to get to know who one is as self, and one’s perspective purpose in one’s own life.

Ha, I didn’t know all of that was going to come out, but out it did and on to the correction before more consequences set in, Therefore;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as a collective become a master at the Art of making things up, a gift from the sins of the fathers that our fathers knew oh so well, and so as the sons and daughter of this earth sprinted to following suit, claiming that’s all we know and knew nothing about the truth until of late and at times still choose to be late, instead of laying out a corrective life change for myself/ourselves.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become a victim of chance, by my own hands, creating circumstances of perpetual mistakes when making things up, as I went along, alone in my life with others around me, never asking the question what am I doing/what are we doing here, as a statement for seeing and knowing something isn’t right, but just as an idea/thought in my head that I kept buried deep inside, to not be ostracized by others in my world and this reality, society doesn’t accept questioners.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make a life for myself only in consideration of a mind I thought myself to be and not my body that is life in fact.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become an art director that reacts to truthful picture shown by reality, then erase the slate in my mind to create something more pleasing to the eye, as the illusion of happiness.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand how I have played equal part in the make-up of this existence the way it is, by the miss takes I’ve made in my own world and reality, but blamed the masses out there for controlling me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use as an escape route from taking responsibility excuses and justifications as to why I picture things a certain way and not in all way, always.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make it others responsibility for the way I’ve made up my life to be in the experience of me, instead of being the first responder to enact solutions to my own problems, and solve them through re creating my make up to being a real Stand Up guy, that Stands for all life equally.
Therefore, I commit myself to instead of making up change to make a change in the way I see/do a view-things to doing my best in all that I do, that would bring forth the utmost potential I see as and for a purpose in my life, to share that with others.

I mean The frequency of change is within me and within you and you as me, as me as you and all, to make our relationships with one another substantial and not sub sequential, in the repeating of a made up past, failing to take responsibility and so pass on our sins as fathers and mothers to our children, but to live a corrected present, that would lead to a creative future with awareness, that IS’ best for all.

Thanks for reading.

Desteni.org

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Day 796: Make Up Artist

Foundation that don’t smear, with stable fingers that write lines that only the eyes can process, and once realized a blush could be in order, that requires no sticking of the lips to say I’m learning something here, I mean you can make s*** up, but you can’t make this shit up, and I’m always up for a good make over, if the making is the re-creating myself to the best possible version of me, by facing the faces I’ve made myself out to be.

The questioning of sense that it makes, only stands for common sense, or else the make up comes from a feeling or validation for what I’ve allowed myself to experience and want others to feel, make sense – that begets the suspense of another when suspended in a mind that only allows me to see pretty picture that creates a blissful feeling within me, that what I just made up is beautiful and useful, but pitiful after realizing, I’ve let myself fall into a pit of emotions in slow motion, when the make up I put on wasn’t pleasing in the eyes of another.

A smothering effect, “I’ve made up my mind” to not see what the mind really is, as that extra additive, that makes my life extra hard and passively accept the blame factor instead of doing something about it, living a ‘pout’ away from giving up, because I’ve let the idea of being spoiled replace planting a seed of change in the fertile soil of my body, that would sprout up into the ultimate tree of life for me to live in/like and existing as the fruit it would bare, uncovering the smothering effect, and dare to say my utmost potential.

As unconventional as it seems we dream of a time where all is one, and equal without taking the time to re-create our dreams to be meaningful, but would just make it up as we go alone in the meantime, thinking that time cures all things, but only store them until we go in and do a spring cleaning, that is the removal of makeup we’ve smeared across every walk of life in clear fashion, that would usher in ‘New life’ in orderly fashion to take a seat Here at the precipice of change, to becoming an Artist in service of Life, as the self we really are.

But by far our self-interest outweighs any self-improvement and proved it to ourselves that we care less about anything below the head, like wow, simply because if we can disregard that in which we use/care less for/know nothing about and want to leave, as the same thing that’s makes it possible for us to breathe/ eat/ experience/ interact with one another and enjoy things, shows that this “Interest” is not our own, I mean come on, how is it possible that we can Long for something, some place we’ve never seen, (Then next life), and not question this Longing for, in HOPES that it’s real WHEN’ we get there, I mean that’s the best makeup job I’ve ever seen, but still pointing out Facts won’t change a thing, if we’re not willing to replace the point of ‘Making’ to Self-Re-creating.

We’re all artist with the sense and ability to create our day, as we do, but is this doing just limited to redo’s before dozing off, waking up and doing it again, it’s a wonder we don’t like talking about this S***, because of statement like; “We don’t like talking about this S***, which closes the door and locks us in a room/ a life full of smelly shit, immune to the fume and claim Amnesty when someone is showing you a way out of it, like Wow, I’m just going to lay right here and keep caking on this Makeup, until we all choke on it and hope someone comes down with a breathing apparatus and sporadically release me from my own self bondage, (Mind you, I am not Partial, and this is NOT about Real Makeup, so don’t go there), but a point of believing we really have the power to make up our minds, instead of standing Equal to and One with it, AND correct the point of thinking #IM.IT#.

Correction to come…

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Day 795: Big Brother/Little Brother, Big Sister/Little Sister

Trading places and spaces in the revitalization of one another, shows no partiality to age, and hey, being big is not the End all to be all, we all have been little in a sense of size, but big with the lies that was told, that all wisdom comes with age and when you get old, and gray hear is just a powered wig created by the thoughts you think, and the thoughts you think is not who you really are, because there’s nothing new under the stars that hasn’t been thought out and done before, it’s just the first time we’ve caught wind of it, because all the times before, we let it pass us in the wind, by thinking we know more than what we really do, and do nothing about being told what we really need to know.

They say each one teach one, we’ve created to be an Adult’s job, then teach our children that life has to be hard, then part ways knowing our kids know how to survive, but stripped them from their innate essence of what it means to be alive, it’s as if we thrive on telling others what they need to do, without correcting ourselves on what we need to do, and won’t hear it coming from someone younger that you, unless they has more money than you, then that kid is smart, we should all listen to them, but if it was anything else we wouldn’t listen to them, and tell them who they think they talking to, don’t you know I’m quite a bit older than you, that doesn’t really matter, because what we each know holds weight, so why wait to learn from your own mistakes, when your younger brother or sister saw something that you chose to forsake, and tried to awaken you to look at it from their perspective.

Help comes in all different shapes and sizes, in the sense of Here – Equally with the Little – People to, that’s H.E.L.P. you may not get from someone older than you, that I’ve been “helped” my whole life by adults, and most of the time didn’t under stand the Adults, like who are these people and what planet are they from, because as it seems they’re not interested in my Fun, or well-being to be a happy go luck kid, and when I was happiest what when I was playing with kids, who taught me how to be happy all the time, that I then lost by being in my mind when I grew older and superficial things made me happy and forgot about really learning a thing.

But man, have times changed in more ways than one, where being set in my way was no more fun, and so found myself looking for the how I’ve gotten myself here, and low and behold I found the reason for being here, through listening to a 19 year old kid who shook my world apart, and from that moment my process started and most every thing I’ve learned has come from a little brother or sister, that originally spawned a blister of resistance within me, until the bubble I lived in happen to burst, and immersed myself back into playing with the cool kids.

But wait, this is not to say that being older or younger is an estranged thing, because age essentially is the actual length of time, months/years one has walked/lived a certain way/point/experience, that makes them able to assist you in your endeavors, no matter how old they are, through the sharing of their experiences and realization – makes those that has gone before us, older Or younger than you.

Maybe this world would have been a different place if the big brothers and sister, listened more to the little brothers and sisters, but who has time for what ifs, if we take the time to leave nothing unheard on either end, that could change the way we all live in this world, that makes cooperation and collaboration a normal thing and the relationships we have a more substantial thing, I mean the potential we have when living Oneness and Equality, promotes for a healthy lifestyle for all life here on Earth, if the mission is to birth ourselves into life from the physical, then I’ll listen and anyone who has something substantial to share and say, and follow suit. As we are all a work in Progress.

Thanks for reading.

Desteni.org

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Day 794: The Practical Pricelessness of Practice

Picture perfect practice promotes precise pristine performance, where the norm is then, that we’ve become the best we can be, at what we’re attempting to do, and continue to grow within it, with no limit to what may come out of it, I mean I got it, that this is how we get ahead of the learning curve, that opens the door for self-expansion and live the example of what you’re setting, and betting on the point of setting an example because of the ample amount of understanding we’ve gained from the point we’ve practiced.

We should make it a point of practice to practice all the time, like we practice in our mind when repeating the same s***, then miss the obvious that I really need practice, like I practiced on my back flips when I was a kid, and that’s all I did, until I got it down pat and pat myself on the back for doing a good job, and when I got older didn’t practice a lot and became a jack of all trades without mastering a single thing.

The alleviation of pressure is to practice before time, so in real time moment we can stroll through a point, like following and living a corrective statement when walking a point – that subsides the nervousness when getting to a point of being in the spot lights, will you shine or will you dim, or will you go back into just blaming ‘Dem’ for looking at you crazy, stating I can’t believe them for looking at me crazy, when it’s us who decided not to practice, and got scared on the stage before we reacted in rage from the fear that we let possess us, in front of a crowd of people that came there to bless us, but what they found was an unrehearsed mess, and at best booed us until we got off the stage.

But, picking up from where we left off in the past from doing things we’ve learned and/or taught ourselves how to do, then stopped for some reason or another, or wanting to get to a point of mastery with something new, the resistance to practicing at it comes up, that I found and let slow my role in getting back into the full swing of things, which is an interesting point because I’ve become self-righteous about doing things from my past, which is really a point of where, when and what I experienced while doing these things back then, in this case DJing and doing performances, and so when having the opportunity to do them again and possibly make money from it, when offers come, this point comes up as an excuse, that ‘I don’t need practice’, which I do, and so resist practicing, then after I finally get to it, realize, ‘man I did need to practice’ and only then glad that I did so.

Now also an interesting point of practice in relation to process, is the need to practice what we/I commit myself to, more, where after correcting ourselves/myself on a point, it’s easy to forget the corrective statements that was written, to perpetuating an inaction when the point resurface, because of not remembering what we wrote, then find ourselves having to either go back and look up the point that was written, and/or re-write it out again, because of not remembering it due to the lack of practicing in real time that was also a point of commitment as well, therefore;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to reserve the point of practice to doing something entertaining in the field of entertainment, and not consider the importance of practicing in real time, the corrective statement I’ve committed myself to and follow through with it, so that when points resurface, I can take corrective action within it, that’s the best way of moving passed a point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress the point of practice through the resistance thereof, where the thought of not needing practice I let resonate within me in a moment of being cocky about something I’ve done well in the past, then getting to the point of practicing at it, and only then realize, ‘man I did need practice’, but leave the point of belief uninvestigated.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not make practice a point of doing daily, on things I want to get to and accomplish in my life, that would make my step towards them that much easier and quicker to achieve.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have realized achievements is within the practice of something, but at times choose not to follow my own realizations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to replace my practice (at times) with complacency, that keep me only at a certain level, height of understanding a thing, which is limiting to my growth within it. And so,

When and as I see myself limiting myself with the point of complacency, that’s a form of resistance to expanding myself in a way, thinking that just because I’ve done something well in the past, I still got it down pat, I stop and breathe. I see/realize/understand that there is always something more to be learned in what we do and with practicing at it, brings out the more within it, and so I commit myself to becoming the embodiment of practice, to practice things I know that would be of assistance to me, in the ever so expansion/growth and development of myself, to reach my utmost potential and make life much easier for myself and those around me in my world.

Thanks for reading.

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Day 793: Anger (The Good/Bad/Ugly) Pt.3

The angry man stare can only lead to a headache, that awakes you from this energetic mind possession, with no energy left and get mad at that, then pray to God I won’t do that again, that’s a lie and turn right back around and do the same thing again, uncontrollably like why am I always so angry, that shows how we really don’t want to be this way, and stay far away from conflict as we possibly can, until the next person decides to get on your nerves, and deserve the rage we hold inside, thinking this rage is the learning curve for teaching them a lesson and so despise the point of correction that’s a blessing in disguise, just to hide behind the faces we make.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think “For fucks Sake” in a moment of experiencing anger, when a stranger to me just don’t get it, instead of realizing and considering, this other person really don’t know me, and so my trigger points, that was ever so greatly pointed out by them, ever so gracefully, that placed me in a moment of anger, showing that I still have work to do in releasing myself from such points, being that I still harbor a reaction toward the slightest action of another, when doing/saying certain things around and towards me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have put on an angry face when someone has looked at me, and so became uncomfortable, in security of protecting my insecurities, that has secured a position in my expression, of self-judgement, thinking I’m not up to par with how I look, that we let society dictate in many aspects of our dress/body structure/skin tone and clothes, and so hide behind this wrinkly face, that says’, ‘WTF’ are you looking at, you wanna fight’, in spiting the point of correction, that lessens our opportunity for change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize, how I ‘as a collective’ become a bedding for cancer to reside, when suppressing anger and holding it inside with no release point, and so lived my life in disgust, that may or have caused such dis-ease to formulate within my physical body, to clean up what I fail to take responsibility for, that is ultimately a detriment to my physical well-being if not careful, and so choose to blame this condition of things like cigarettes, although some have never partaken in such things in their life, which begs to question where do cancer really come from, then become angry at such anomalies occurring, instead of investigating the true meaning/nature behind it all, which you can find, HERE.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to simply became angry at things that are beyond my control.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have expressed anger when I lose control of things, superficial, instead of being the expression of anger, when realizing, I have given up my control of self to my mind, in this lifetime and those of my past, and doing something about it, that’s a way to express anger in a ‘good’ way, without it being based in emotion.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/perceive/believe, this, that I am feeling within me, the constriction of chest, the tight lips, the aggressive demeanor, with butterflies in the stomach feeling, is me and normal, instead of realizing how this behavior is the encapsulation of fear in fact.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to express anger for being in fear of thing, without looking at what and why I fear certain things/people in my world, that cause me to be/become angry.

And so, the specificity for what we experience individually, is our points of correction, to be looked at investigated and corrected, that we can only do for ourselves, to stop these unwanted occurrences from happening within and as us, and affecting our way of living and that of others in our lives, that in some cases could be detrimental to our well-being, so the point of correction to anger is the perpetuator there of, being you and me. I a work in progress.

Thanks for reading.

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