Day 738: “Those without Sin, Let them Cast the First Stone”

In other words, “Judge not lest ‘Ye be Judged”, and even if you’re judged it’s not to judge others, as they are judging themselves, but whose to say, when I’m in the midst of walking myself out of my own personal problems, as the person that allowed them to be created in the first place, and in first place to tell others what I see about them, in their words, because I know how to word things correctly, meaning I’m seeing it, but am I introspectively living and directing it accordingly in my own life before picking a fight (veiled as assistance) to cover up what’s really going on inside of me.

We often times speak about what we see, from an outsiders perspective and expect the way we handled it to be the same for all, without realizing each curve in every single ball, that’s each person’s problems that’s formulated differently, that’s meant to be for that own person’s inherited resolve, so what I see, maybe not a clear picture, when history has shown that we’re preaching to the choir, with an innate desire to be seen as right, but if I have to say why I’m right, that’s spite so subtly crafted on the road to being wrong.

But it sounds good and may work, if it self-honestly resonates with me, but self-honestly do we live every word we speak, or just recite from the things we’ve come to believe, and leave to not live, to be the change we want to see, this is much (much) more than I help you and you help me, unaware that it’s stones we’ve unconsciously thrown, then told if you react to it you must be wrong, because it’s not me it’s you, what more can I do when all that was done was reaching out to you, and didn’t know how else to put it or say it as best as I can, I mean I can take criticism, but Sinicism is spite, although it may be right, it still feels like a blow, and I know the truth hurt that’s why I’ll take it and grow, but “Whoa”… Do best to remember those without sin, let them cast the first stone, then realize you just hit your own Self in the face. And that all I got to say about that.

But that’s not it.

Where have I done the same to/towards others in my world, in the past, that hadn’t been corrected, to what we experience today, and so; I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have fallen without correction, but felt I was capable of telling someone else what they need to do/should be doing in their own life, and didn’t hold no punches, veiled as assistance, but a conflict of interest when I hadn’t walked the point myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have tried to cover up things I was going through by throwing back in others faces what I see in their life, wrong and what they need to do about it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have lived in a state of sin, then judged others for the sins they’ve done, when I had nothing to do with it, but saw it as an opportunity to speak my mind to others instead of taking my own advice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I had the right to advise others, without being asked for it, and haven’t walked completely through into correction what I was advising about, which makes it that much harder for me to see and use on myself the advice I was give, because my vice was ‘seeking attention’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize the backfire of things that I’ve dished out in the past, that may come to fruition at times in the present, that lessens the point of correction, that needs to be realize in the Here and Now, to experiencing the same being done unto me/unto us, that needs to be corrected by listening more, instead of trying to preach to others or be seen as knowing what I’m talking about, without living it first myself.

And that’s why I’ve taken the time to find corrective assistance, that was well needed in my life, from those who’ve walked through and lived the corrections to the points you and I face, (Whomever you are) but if you haven’t, why say anything at all? And that all I got to say about that.

Thanks for reading.

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Day 737: When Talking is Not Enough

“I can do it”, “Ima get to it and through it”, then lose the inspiration in the midst there of, being that we’ve talked it into and back out of existence, with every angled covered, to the point of believing I’ve done it already, and glad about it, then all alone become sad about it, and mad about it, because I’ve talked a good game but it wasn’t enough, when it came time for me to put up or shut up, meaning nobody wants to know what you’re implementing until you’ve implemented it, or will steal the idea that you have and call it their own, along with things not working out how you talked about it, and watch your words become highly doubted, so best to have your s*** in order in order for things to work out how you mentioned, because no solid road is paved with only good intentions.

Thinking out loud to talking what we think, to thinking about what others are talking about, without going through the motions of figuring it all out, before we go right ahead and open our mouth, it’s the little things that count no matter what it is we’re doing, or wanting to be a part of, as a point of pursuing, from talking about change and knowing how to do it, then get to it and thinking how hard it is, because of the consequences that come right along with it, that we can’t just talk ourselves right out of, but have to walk ourselves slowly up out of, down a tedious path that’s egregious and outrageous, when finally realizing there’s no one to save you.

I mean how else can you say it when talking is not enough and rough time are really rough, but know that you can’t give up, even if you tried, I’ve come too far to subside and lay down by the wayside soaking in sorrow, they say tomorrow is not promised, but I decide my experience today, that my words is not for nothing, so let me simply say in words you can understand; “I Am Not Giving Up”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I’ve said all that I can, due to the extensiveness of the consequences I’m facing and walking through, that seem endless, but know where there’s a beginning there’s an end.

And so, continue walking through them one step at a time, breathing within every moment that comes and passes by. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think out loud, then talk about what I thinking, as if to reach a solution, when silence should be the case in this case, that these times calls for, knee deep in a system that will eat your words up, if not corrected and lived correctly, where Mums the word from hence forth, unless the words is written in Self-Forgiveness, being that these consequences have become a bit overbearing, and to speak upon them is to fall deeper into them in an instance, in an experience that’s eye opening with hinges, ‘As I am’ in the system, and not of the system, but need to understand the system to correct it, which starts with me Right Here and Right Now.

I commit myself to continue learning more about me, my Habits/Ways and Behavior and how I have separated myself from everything that is me, that I’m facing, how I’ve acted in separation of the characters I’ve created as who I was, an am, that I’m seeing as I walk through my present, correcting my past, to create a better future for myself in my world and reality for me as the showing of those around me.

I commit myself to no longer accept and allow myself to separate me from the past Me’s I used to be, but to embrace them as me to see myself to correction, because I have become too soft in a world with no shame for those who don’t follow the status quo, creating the term ‘no sleep for the weary’, and so remain awake to see through the clearing, an end in sight, to not Ever find myself in this position again. Now Breathe…

Thanks for reading.

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Day 736: Correction to Self-Deceit

Where to the depths of our souls our intentions are true, but did realize the magnitude of how it would affect you, in the moment of blindness and desperation, we say and do things to subside our fears and anxiety and highly believe what we’re experiencing is real, it feels like there’s no way out and no one to turn to, and no one cares, that I’m in this all alone, in a hot box in the corner I painted myself into, that I’ll do just about anything to get myself out of, and with the promise to do better emerges a promiscuous thought, that ought to be deleted from our memory banks, but our moral is low to the point of depression, I mean what sort of lesson am I supposed to learn from this, the question when standing on the precipice of defeat, that I’ll never get myself out of the position I’m in, when playing a pawn in the game of chance, that didn’t work out how I wanted it to.

Am I deceiving myself or correcting my past that I left and passed on the road of change, that’s here now presently, patiently waiting for a chance to assist me in everything I do, and have done within it that’s resurfacing again, in the process of redefining me that’s a work in progress, filled with possibilities and obviously I know I need to stop self-deceit, that came on strong since last December till now, to be corrected in time December comes back around again.

I have no time to waste, without rushing to save face, to justify the limited space I squeezed myself into, thinking that all is well, then say I’m doing well, until I found myself at the bottom of a well that ran dry, looking for a helping hand, to once again get a handle on things, that’s a hand away from me helping myself, but how could this be done, if I was deceiving myself into believing I’m handling things well, then listening to me advising me wrong, thinking I’ll have one hell of a story to tell.

Simply put, the belief that what I’m telling me, that nothing will come from the compromising I’m doing to myself (as consequence), in giving up my honesty in exchange for a same projected outcome of what has been that is no more, and not want to see it, blinded by the idea that I can get back to where I was before, instead of letting it all go and looking/moving forward to a more sustainable life worth living, is the only way I believed things would work out, that is self-deceptive in fact.

To be the lie that you see and have created, in spite of Self showing you in many ways a perverse playout of things to come, we prefer not to see and won’t believe it until it’s upon us, with nothing to show for what we’ve done, because we’ve invested back into a fading idea, that’s fading because times have changed, where what you used to get Dollars for, you now get change, that in one moment have changed the game, but I can let this stop me now.

Sitting alone in a gray area in my life with the scale of thought to balance out my ideas, what moves to make, knowing and willing to make them, but why am I resisting taking the next step, is it myself deceiving me or a thought deceiving me to stay within the same frame of mind of the past, because the fear of the unknown is filled with worst case scenarios that keeps a stereotype sitting on his ass.

Conformity is normally the case, but not now, it’s the more of me that’s seeking for a change somehow, a less stressful life, that a solid foundation would bring, a spring to the answer of being caught in a sling, I mean when given a moments notice to see the correction so clearly, do my eye deceive me or is this the clarity I asked for, then start over again towards life once more, but this time I’ll take my time and breathe more, to not be left wanting holding my breath, but taking baby steps in my process of change. As the self-correction continue.

Thanks for reading.

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Day 735: Mercy Me!

When certainly I’ve come to a fork in the road in my life, that requires my immediate attention and suspension to a past life I held so dear, that’s now clear to me that ‘the things falling apart was not done within my stand of responsibility, but decisions made in compromise and consequence and so created a house of cards built on sand… doomed to fail’, as I hear that makes sense to me, when once living a suspenseful life, and convinced myself what I was doing was right, that it was just my time to be in the lime light and shine, but the light bulb must have had a short in it.

A hard pill to swallow when thinking your off track, then start paying attention to everyone but me, and never gave a thought to what the future would hold, if I but only paid attention to me. I mean where am I in this equation, when the earth quakes a shaken to waken me from who I once was, in the decisions I made, and I have to now face, that I once swept under the rug, but wait…

This can’t be just it, when the possible seems impossible and hollow, while looking at the possibilities in contemplation, as a constipation of thoughts keep circling around in my mind, telling me WTF are you going to do now.

For a period of time now I’ve been walking my process from consciousness to awareness, where I have been given the tools to deconstruct myself and my past, to be reconstructed into who I really am as life, which is a ‘being’ doing that which is best for all life, where what that means is, in order to have a substantial/sustainable life, one must first walk through the consequences one has created for oneself in one’s past that’s now at the forefront of responsibility taken, to reach each one’s utmost potential, the potential that each one has as part guardian of this planet earth/world/universe and existence as a whole, which is much more than just the thoughts going through our minds about how rough of a time we’re having.

But sadly enough when getting to this point of having to take self-responsibility we scream ‘mercy me’ and want to give up, right at the point of a break through, where if we only hold on and take that next step, would walk through to transcendence the point at hand, and was told ‘as much as the old life is falling apart and coming to an end, the new self being created is only beginning now and will have to stand as and by that and manifest/ create a life with and from more grounded self-principle = a house built on solid rock.

So here I stand, going through what I am, but keeping true to me, in looking ahead and not at the falling apart of the past, that would in fact be me showing Mercy to myself, to dwell in the Here and Now of correction and change, no matter how hard it may seem and getting to a point of maintaining my house of self, that’s built on a solid foundation of rock, (As a Flint Stone). I am a work in progress and will keep walking.

Thanks for reading.

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Day 734: Suppressed Emotion

Growing up we where taught, what comes up, shove it back down and pray to God that it goes away, such as suppressed anger, an unseen danger that if not dealt with correctly could cause cancer, an answer to shaking up the systems inside, that assist the body (believe it or not) to get itself right, because by our own hands do we deteriorate ourselves, with emotions, such as inferiority, believing that we’re less than, some unknown entity out there somewhere, that has all the answers while we’re stuck with prayer, the begging and pleading for reasoning as to why things are messed up, then get up thinking that we have all the answer, while suppressing the chance to see that I’m it.

To me, the expression; “You don’t want to let the Tiger out the cage”, is an idiom for suppressed emotions, where one has accumulated pent up energy to the point of it getting ready to overflow, and once at the tipping point, the bars on the cage gives way and the Tiger comes out (per se), enraged ready to abuse anyone in its path in the moment, until it reacclimates itself to its surrounding and get used to the lifted restrictions, and missed out on freedoms that was taken away, during moments of being suppressed, that has now since changed.

We vest the idea of holding things in close to our chest and walk around all tensed up with a smile on our face, to stop one from crying and falling from grace, because lying to oneself really hurts and take place in the moment of feeling helpless and needing a safe space, to let it all out and feel calm again, to wanting to blame the game for the way that we’re playing it, instead of being ashamed of the way that we’re living, but spin it as the justification to suppressing our emotions.

When hard times is upon us, we cower in fear, that makes it hard to see things clear, and uncertainty that’s certainly the mercy of emotions, stating ‘I really don’t know what to do’, in the moment of suppressing the doubt and anguish, that came up when feeling I’m being overwhelmed, with things falling apart or may be falling apart, which is a mean thing to do with one’s own heart, and start having chest pains from playing chest games with one’s mind, body and beingness all the same, in the scheme of things we dream for things to be right, instead of seeking self-correction as a form of art, and part ways with the idea of suppressing emotion and potion our self with a dose of reality.

Fallacy, I fall to see what happens to me, that’s a lie there, powerless, suppressing the stand, for a moment to blend back in with the past and how I have suppressed the same things back then and never corrected but ejected myself from it, to sum it all up I’m still doing the same s***, but this time won’t miss the opportunity to change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think suppression is a form of correction, instead of a form of hiding my reactions to the problems I face. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to instead of facing the problem head on, react to them then hide behind the suppression thereof. I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that suppressed emotions are a layaway of accumulated consequences coming to a boiling point. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accumulate consequences for me to walk though, by suppressing my emotions, as pent up energy that has become harmful to my physical body. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to cause pain onto and within my physical body, by holding things in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have became angry at something or someone and suppressed it time and time again, since I was a youth, where this anger was the belief/idea that I was helpless and so powerless to do anything about what I was going through and so held my tongue on many things, instead of inquiring/asking why am I experiencing what I was and am, that has now come to a point in my life, when faced with real life problems as an adult, of limitation, and so still experience this helplessness and blaming those in my past for not giving me the opportunity to voice/express myself when the power was all mine and still is now, therefore;

When and as I see myself going into suppressing the emotion of anger, to feeling Helpless and Powerless in the belief that I must feel sorry for myself – that’s its not my fault for what the “Universe” has thrown at me, and so blame something/someone out there that I can’t see, and those of my past and Nowadays for what I Now experience as me, I stop and breathe. I see/realize/understand the Universe of me, as me, Is me – that I am the “I” that has the power to reverse this infection of Helplessness to being Helpful towards myself and live the words ‘Compassionate to me’, Now and in moments to come, and so onward from there, to when and as I think that I’m Powerless to do anything about something I’m facing, I stop and I breathe, then have a look at my hands and my feet, to realize the capability of movement within them, to then move myself to maximum capacity to correct myself and change the situation I’m in and so change from Suppressing Emotions to Progressing within my Process.

Thanks for reading.

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Day 733: Nowadays of the Past (Perspective)

History, the instrument of His-Torment we make it our own and don’t want to claim it if it’s bad and repressive, unless it’s in our favor do we bring it up to relive, creating the danger that our future possess and hold a breast to the reality we live in, in sin again, in the Nowadays of a Past that’s tense when giving in to the suspense of what’s to come, I mean do bums see more clearly than we do, that has brushed aside the following of suit, that we still wholeheartedly cling onto, to not bruise the Ego we’ve gotten so used to, and move throughout our lives as if it was ground hogs day (the movie), where you wake up in the morning back in the same day, stuck in the Nowadays of the Past and our same old way, to wearing the same clothes that was popular in the 70’s, and still believe heaven is the place to be, instead of realizing Heaven could be right here in this reality, on this earth right here with you and me, to living happily ever after and on to the next chapter, that you can only imagine what’s possible by us.

From New Age Enlightenment to Spiritual Alignment, are but the same old concepts of abdicate our responsibility, stating that ‘you don’t exist and none of this really matters’, except the words that made you RICH, “well s*** if it’s that easy I would stick with it too” and become that Linguist that brainwashes you and all who neverminded the reciprocation of consequence, but consciously played a major part within it, which we all still do and it’s all our fault, but if money wasn’t an object of desire would you call halt to the need for concepts, and conquest over other men, that’s been going on for Generations on end?

Then getting to a point of saying words cannot describe, when the words we speak creates our lives, that’s why we repeat things over again, not realizing that it’s a memory from our past we’re living in, that create our future in the Nowadays of the past, that makes no sense with time’s going by fast, straight into the compounding effect of a Crash, where things have compressed to one point then smash, because we’ve exchanged in our correction for having a blast, and made everything we do all about cash and walk around in character wearing a mask, instead of being focused right here on the task at hand. And so,

The moment before now was a past tense expression, which makes now a good time for the point of correction, which would be; I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in the Nowadays of the past, that I’ve created back then, but still live now, that makes my life a recycling thing of reoccurring memories that I live religiously.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lose focus on what’s present, by distorting it with memories from my past, that I create the same/similar mistake from it, to re-staking the claim of being lost within it, and have lived this way for years on end.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become comfortable in thought about what has been, in wanting to repeat what excited me back then, to relive the energy within it again and again, that takes away from me being present. And so on and so forth until our Nowadays have become the Nowadays of change. Thank you for reading.


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Day 732: Saying a Lot, without Speaking a Word

The thoughts we think is like the words we speak, that’s bleak in silence without making a sound, then look around to see if anyone heard what you said, and beg to differ if anyone calls you out, stating, but I didn’t say nothing, when it’s written all over your face in frown, and expressions that lessens the real you, and who you are right now is but a fragment of refractions that just so happens to get the best of you.

We stay busy in a mind that’s busy with other people’s business that’s not our own, and phones were made to keep us engaged while the mind extracts from our bones, and so get old while thinking we’re wise, when a gray air pops on our head, and all this done without making a sound, as if we’re already dead.

Internally a conversation goes on every second of the day that won’t turn off in our minds, that’s filled with memories and remembrance of things, we’ve done in the past, in this life time, thing is, every scenario we see and re-create to this day, is fated to be about someone else, or self in a position with ill intention of giving up when all else fails.

I can do bad by myself is a statement of a man who wouldn’t let others drag him down, instead of realizing the dragging he was doing to himself, that wasn’t corrected until now, it’s interesting how we talk about things to ourselves and never bring them out, but when we do it’s a watered-down version that’s coming out of our mouth.

Spite has become so prevalent in fear, that we’d rather take things to the grave, where being right has become a point of manipulation till everything we say is staged, we create Wayz in Maps a direction App, instead of Mapping out Ways to change, if you don’t say nothing then I won’t either, and Humanity stays the same, where together we’ll fall and we make sure of that, by downing those who speak their mind, stating keep it to yourself it’s better that way, that way they don’t take what’s mine.

Everybody wants to be a mind reader just to find that we all think the same, so the mind reading fascination is to point others out, so no one sees your shame, to remain in the lime light until others get too close, then you show them the slight of hand trick, to shift the attention of man from you give them Lotteries and Quick Picks.

It all a side show that’s created in the mind during conversations all alone, then create think tanks from our memory banks that socially engineer the poor, we accept this as a norm because we let it go on for so long it’s nearly impossible to change, we’ve chosen comfort over our ability to speak and not see this as a strange thing.

When reading things, we imagine what we will as possibilities out of self-interest, and if it’s not something that will make me feel good about myself, I’ll soon be done with it, where the News compliments the bearer that only say it how he sees it, with no script or letter but a real time freestyle that’s not just always so pleasing.

We say an awful lot without making a sound with our body language as well, in the way we walk when someone is looking, then fall for such a spell, where our imagination takes hold of us and say all sorts of things, to the brink of wanting to say something, but still don’t whisper a peep.

So the sum of all things is to say what we mean in the moment when things occur, to not be taken with you afterward and thought about all day and into the next day and so on, because what happens is, and for me, I lose track on what’s pressing and at hand, where it’s easy to miss something or forget something, in a moment of rush that we create for ourselves, by being distracted with these internal conversations and backchat in our minds, all about others, and to correct this is to stop for a moment, take a breath, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take with me conversations from my past and think about them all day, into saying a lot in my mind without making a sound, that distracts me from what pressing, in the moment and at hand, to rushing into things, making mistakes and forgetting things, that if I would but say what it is, in the moment of occurrence, time wouldn’t be wasted when I need it the most. And so, commit myself to saying what it is that I want to say in the moment when things occur, to not take with me into my daily routine, that would keep me focused on and in the present with things, without thinking out loud.

Thanks for reading.

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