Day 868: Redefining Soldier

From Toy Soldiers with boy holster, to grown boys with abusive toys, that boaster loud noises to scare the masses into submission, with no comprehension of why we’re doing it, but excuse the doing for the greater good, but the good ain’t great if nobody’s left, I mean we can’t wait to inflict our will on others, and send our soldiers to fight one man’s battle, where being a soldier we’re expendable to the cause, and call this fighting for the freedom we never had, because at home we don’t stand up for nothing and that’s sad, but will soldier our way around the self-interest we have, until all our relationships is at war with each other, and be quick to smother ourselves into a state of aloneness, which state we are All- One, but think it’s not -Necessary, which is clearly the opposite way around.

We’re all soldiers in a sense, but being a soldier all my life, I was born and raised in the ‘Army of the Lord’ or so I was told and still chose to ignore it, because I couldn’t see the war I was supposed to fight, but learned the difference between wrong and right, in the eyes of the righteous I was eternally enslaved, to the idea that someday I would become saved, and save the world when war kicked off, but couldn’t see how deep I was in war with myself.
An identity crisis, I would cry for no reason, and plea to what was out there, “Please don’t take me”, then awake the next day and forget everything that happen, and so walked around in a perpetual state of madness, I was glad when I got old enough to be on my own, but needed a way to escape what I thought was all wrong, where all of a sudden I felt the need to be tough, and so jumped out of the frying pan and straight into the oven.

So to speak, I was free but it came with a price, to give up my life and join a “Few Good Men”, that’s a call sign for the “Marines”, the “Devil Dogs” of existence, that’s a long stretch from whence I came, knee deep in religion, I now relied on a Kevlar Helmet/Flak Jacket and gun, and thought to myself, “Hmm this could be fun” and so wanted to be the best soldier I could be, in service of God/Country and then Family, in that order I went to war and seen a lot, and when my time was up, felt I was the cream of the crop, then got out and wanted to remain on top, and so believed that this Soldiering is all I got. (But it wasn’t)

I patented (for me) the idea that the world ole me something, so sat around waiting for that something to come, and when something did come, I had already gone the other way, and missed chance after chance to become stable, I explored different places and loved to move around, without grounding myself in one place to stay, and come back to if I decided to leave, I mean the idea of “Soldiering On” was still bubbling in me, so I got used to what I knew, how to Scratch and Survive, and wanted to be a free bird and do what I want with my life, and by that time I was doing all that I wanted that wasn’t enough, so I Soldiered in Security for prominent people to lift up, like Stars and Super Stars, I was a star in my world, until I had enough and watched my star comet, plummet to the ground, like Life was there to show me that I needed to do something different, like take everything I come to know and stand up for me – that’s a standing I could explore without moving my feet, and if done correctly would create stability, but silly me I thought I was stable enough, until I found a process that helped me to stand up.

Now I’m standing at Attention, no more ‘Shouldering for other people, but attending to what I see needs to be changed in my stance, by way of redefining what life means to me, in the face of Life every time I open my eyes, I then wrote “If It Ain’t Best For All” as an Anthem to what I was experiencing, for the march off into the process I was headed, and so Marched my way into standing up for life and now Redefining Soldier to be a word of support.

[SOUNDING OF THE WORD}: SOLDIER

• Shoulder = Shouldering responsibility for other people.
• Sold Energy = Giving one’s energy to fight others battle for prize.
• Soul in Energy = Existing in mind energy, trapped in old memories.
• Soul Diver = Believing that I’m deep, because I’m an old soul.
• Soul Doer = Following a belief and telling others what I think they should do according to these beliefs.
• Soul Extractor = Thinking I could change someone’s life with religious based ideology.
• Sound Leader = Exampling the follow, meaning walking along side, standing unwavering for all that is Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have sold my energy to the idea of being tough, defined as being a Soldier, with the fortitude of standing up, for the belief of another that’s not necessarily my own, but born into, to purposefully walking into it, as a point of escapism from that in which I was born, and so separated myself as a soul with purpose, but never purposed to myself a better way to live life, at which time life would have stepped in for me to see, that it’s always been here to be lived correctly and respect the fact that all life is me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not correct my relationships with the Soldier I was at different times in my life, defined as a soul extractor as if I was without sin and could cast a stone, thinking what I had to say (based in religion) could change someone’s life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined Soldier as a point of standing up for others who I thought couldn’t do it for themselves, not realizing they didn’t want to do it for themselves and so created a job out of it with prizes and rewards, which was shouldering others responsibility more than I would my own.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to defined soldier as soul in energy, existing in my mind, trapped in memory, using my memories to stay within the old soldier frame of mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a soul diver, in thinking, because I was told I was an old soul in the past, that made me deep and so, but only went deep on religious ideologies, not internal self-realizations and perspectives.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have been a soul doer in relation to a past definition of soldier, in following the belief that I was in the ‘Army of the Lord’, lol, and so could tell others what I thought they should do, without looking at my own life/problems/situations.

So, when and as I see myself living/existing/perpetuating, soldier as the aforementioned definitions, that houses ideas/perceptions/beliefs in service of others, I stop and breathe, I see/realize/understand that the idea of soldier/soldiering was planted in me, which is cool, but wasn’t conducive as a point of support as I have defined it and so needs to be redefined, therefore;

I commit myself to redefining Soldier to that of being a Sound Leader, in exampling the follow, meaning walking along side, All, in service of the Self of Me that is life, to so then stand up unwavering for all of Life, that would be me living my utmost potential.

Thanks for reading.

Desteni.org

About carltontedford

In Process.
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