Day 864: Under the Radar (Perspective)

The spotlight is reserved for superior people, was my thinking, and so shined the light on my characteristic self, in moments of wanting/seeking attention, when little to no attention was given to me growing up, or so I thought and thought a lot, without realizing all in my world deserved attention equally, but most just grabbed it and seem to be just fine, and when I tried it didn’t work the same all the time, so inverted myself to stay in my mind, because there, no one could tell me to sit down or be quiet, so rioted the point of thinking out loud, without making a sound for thinking to much, because my conversation were hush hush and I rarely spoke, and poked around the point of having nothing to say, which really wasn’t the case, I thought this way I would be wondered about, and when I wasn’t chose to wonder around in my mind, thinking, “No one gives a s*** about me anyway’.

But then came the advent of being able to do things, I mean people started to praise me for some of the things I could do, like dancing and doing back flips, and could talk a good game, but only talked about the things I thought they should do, it’s interesting how people will avidly listen to you, when believing you can do some of the things that they can’t, for most part, it’s that part of wanting to hang around someone interesting, to show us how to have the good time that they’re having, and maybe to have them around all the time, to brighten up our day when things become dreary, and dream away our problems but only for a that moment, I mean who wouldn’t want to be the cause for that.

So I made it a point of being the perceived happiness for others, and took too serious some of the characters I created, to forgetting who I was and talking a certain way, when around those who I thought looked up to me, or liked me for that matter, I finally had “Status”, and lived within the static I created in my world, like with electromagnetic energy I attracted all of my problems, but couldn’t see how I was the beacon drawing such attention, where with the good comes the bad and with the positive comes the negative, but soaked it all up as being who I was meant to be, until it all fell apart from spreading myself too thin, and realizing with all that I’ve done I’d gotten nowhere in my life.

From then on I hated attention and shied away from being in the fore front, but fronted the point of being the one who had done all of that, I then started walking a process of getting to know the real me, and found that all the Me’s I created was made up characters, and so carried myself around in solemn of searching soul based memories, then hiding behind the idea of not letting anyone close to me, mostly when being around those who boasted about me, I now wanted to be under the radar so ‘Please don’t share me’, to no one especially the new people I’ve come to know in my world, it’s like I wanted a fresh start to be seen as myself and no one else – to forget about all I thought I was and didn’t want to see, and if you share me publicly I’d delete you just because, but what I didn’t realize is how effective sharing differs from seeking attention, being now that I have something substantial to say, that should be shared from time to time when walking this way, just as long as I share what I walk first before others take it to mind, because it’s easy to find a way to disrupt what one is saying, to stay within the point of things going our way, but when it’s something good about us we want to tell everybody, and claim the point of yeah they’re talking about me.

In two-fold, under the radar is the significant approach of inverting the ‘shine on me’ inward towards self, that spotlights my mishaps and takes, to be corrected and then shared, as the second part to assist with Self taking a stand, that then can be presented as the world of me, publicly if to support others to see themselves in a way, because what sticks is what we take in knowingly or unknowingly, that would eventually come to the forefront in it’s own do time, in each ones mind in location of where they’re at in their own process. Point is for me to shine the light on self and to continue to progress in my own process, to get to the point of Rare occurrence of Defining myself As Real life, not only that but to get to the point of become that it is, which started with me discovering HERE ways to make this happen. And that’s all I got say about that for now.

Thanks for reading.

About carltontedford

In Process.
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