Day 859: Awareness, A Fulltime Job

State of beings are like well-placed seeing, where we place ourselves in a destructive mode to only see what we like to not deal with what we don’t like, in distrust of our sight, the bartering with the mind, where if I close my eyes real slow that means I’m manipulating my vision and looking for sympathy for this hopeless feeling, hoping that others will side with my procrastination, waiting on someone to tell me I’m right or what’s right and what to do, but complacent to a degree when adjacent to doubt, as if I can’t see my own way out, but don’t want to get out, I’m aware of this, but have fixed it so that I’m scared of these little spurts of awareness.

At rarest, I’m aware of the state I’m in, that blends in nicely with the point of escapism, but you can’t run away from yourself if you tried, and the messes we’ve made in our own damned lives, that comes from the debt we used to enslave ourselves to greed in spite of one another as ourselves, unaware of the problems we cause each other, that’s a problem that needs to be corrected today, where just because you have money to fly away, doesn’t mean that the problems will just dissipate, so we wait in counting on the world to end, looking to start all over from the beginning again, minus the ones we think is not our friends, while the friends we have are really not our friends, but we’re aware of that every time we choose, not to “hurt their feeling” when they’re crying the “Blues”, in hopes we don’t lose a “like-minded” individual, that as Egotistical as I allow myself to be, it’s us who are constantly at war with ourselves, making decisions to appease someone else, before me.

In the moment when things seem so easy to do, is when we lose awareness on what we really must do, that comes when a moment of breathing room is acquired, where we want to pull the trigger on our utmost desire, then realize, this pattern I’ve allowed before, that leaves a sore taste in the mouths of others, unintentionally intended to follow through with what we said, that will happen, but not within the time we expected, where the test is, now that I see the bigger picture of things, will I still make the same damn mistakes again? And when will I learn from the mistakes I’ve made, if I don’t take a stand now that will have a long-lasting effect.

A job can easily be turned into a form of expression, especially when it’s awareness as the point of a lesson, where what I see coming up in my mind, I take the time to stop it at it’s inception, and forgive myself as a point of correction, that lessens the possibility of things becoming amiss, although I’m not perfect and still walking my process, I am progressing forward and into more awareness, being aware of not only the state that I’m in, but the consideration of others and the state they’re in, before choosing to say some of the things I do, unless the things I say are needed in the moment of truth, and still then, I’m selective with the word I speak, and if a mistake is made I must correct it immediately, to not leave anything lingering/festering in the minds of others, that way I’ve made clear the understanding of me.

In general, awareness is the point of seeing things with clarity, but self-awareness is the point of true intimacy, where INTernal Investigation MAkes for spot on Accuracy, that nurses the body into an evolutional state, being aware of my reactions I choose to manipulate, to validate the different characters we go into, is the same as accepting the idea of powerlessness, that comes with a feeling to not doing nothing about it, it’s the way we stay within a blissful reality of ignorance, that interrupts our self-awareness, injecting fear into the care we have, to only care about the things we think makes us feel good. Therefore;

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand with my real eye, how I put a tint on the things I should have a closer look at, in awareness when seeming unimportant and so push aside.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to set aside my awareness for the point of blissful ignorance for so long, that I lose track on prominent things I really need to look at, such as the responsibility I have to myself as a point of survival, to when getting a moment of breathing room/having what I need to make things happen, to not go back into the pattern of thinking things will always be available and so want to spend what I really don’t have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/perceive/believe that I’m ok with just looking at things and not investigating them within self-awareness of what I’m able to do and/or not able to do at the time, so on and so forth.

And so the point of awareness can be a bit personal for each, that shows what we choose to look at or not see for self-interested reasons, that’s worth our attentiveness to what comes up within the experiences of us, that makes awareness a full time job, that can easily be facilitated corrected and lived as an expression, because we all are really aware of the things we do, so step into the moment of truth, to see what we are allowing in our own individual worlds, to be able to see and treat all in this world as ourselves, in oneness and equality with each other as ourselves, and as life as a whole as ourselves, doing what’s best for all in the awareness of us, where if in us we all trust this world will change. And that’s all I got for now.

Thanks for reading.

About carltontedford

In Process.
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1 Response to Day 859: Awareness, A Fulltime Job

  1. Tormod Hvidsten Gjedrem says:

    Totally awesome wording Carlton ! Thanks !

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