Day 856: Fear of Vulnerability

There’s an old tale that the boogeyman hides in the closet and at any moment, in the middle of the night, could jump out and get you, so you better go to sleep, and as the child goes to bed in thin cloth pajamas, feels vulnerable and use the blanket and covers as a shield, form of protection to not get caught by the boogeyman, thing is, the damage is already done that creates a lifetime of fear of being vulnerable and so close oneself off to the rest of the world in introversion, but interestingly enough within this, we create this idea that wearing a lot of clothes will protect us, thinking that the body is now protected and hopefully so is my mind, which is an illusion and makes being humble and meek a point of self-deceit, because (internally speaking) we’re just plain ole scared and to beware of the decisions that a scared person makes.

It’s a share that most don’t really want to talk about, out of fear of being told, “You don’t know what you’re talking about”, and scolded for talking out loud about the fears we have in the first place = Fear of Vulnerability, that’s clearly a tear drop away from crying a river for being Booed, but the truth is, we’re so used to being closed off and secluded, the mere thought of being open with someone is a red flag to our personable Ego, that’s comfortable with being a loner, just as long as we’re not second guessed for our beliefs, to then run away and even if we stay, it’s more the reason to not say a word about what I know and /or experience, that stems from a decision I made (with myself) way back when, that no one will understand me anyway, so why say anything.

An embarrassing laugh is the pathway to suppression that lessens the possibility of reaching my utmost potential, so keep to myself on the shallow end of things, when wallowing neck deep in deed/thought and belief, that all I am is a sheep, grazing with possibilities that’s promised to change me, but this weakness was hard to see, because I always kept my head down, never Shepherding responsibility to only focus on me, and so my distrust of others became the distrust of Self, I couldn’t stand with others nor the Self I wanted to be, because of the memories I had, I still let haunt me, the idea of get hurt and being brokenhearted, not making it in this world, which was so f***ing retarded, but the smartest thing I’ve ever done was to ‘Not Give Up’, because I knew/know there was/is something there (inside myself) that defines my purpose, my purpose for being Here, that untapped potential I deserve to know about that’s clearing instrumental, but if I’m always letting this embarrassing fear hold me back, I wouldn’t be aware of what comes after that, so;

To pay attention to the tendencies I have in my mind, that tentacles my expression to the self-sabotage design, with this crazy Idea that I’m not Valuable, which is being able to create value in my life, and then share my life’s worth value with all in my world, that’s really limitless for all of us in this world as a whole, but for me, it start’s with walking the corrections to the point of fear of vulnerability, of getting hurt and letting go of memories of the past, unconditionally in my past that passed along the gift of me being aware of it, and having the tools and sense to do something about it, it’s now beyond the point of figuring it out, but more so walking into the define Life Path that was laid out, in pin point for me to embrace and strap myself into, so that I can get to the point of experiencing that, that which has always been there waiting for me to embrace it, as all that is me, that is = ‘My Utmost Potential’, as life itself.

Thanks for reading.

About carltontedford

In Process.
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