Day 852: Making Up for Lost Time

A back track in fact to the past, to the things we didn’t do or missed that passed, but feel the need to make up for, like putting our life on pause to see and absorb, what all the fuss was assumed about, about a belief of the miss we can’t live without, and so wake up to make up for the time we’ve lost, that cost us a waste of time right now, it’s about how time waits for none of us, who choose to wait on time to pass, then end up doing things in the nick of time, that brings forth the experience of a rush affect, begets a Lost = Low-Starting point and fear to lose the things unseen, like feelings and ideas that happiness brings, that’s impossible to make up for in times of loss.

In times of loss we grieve the impossible, the “I should’ve and could’ve” that couldn’t have possibly happens, subtract the facts when looking back, to see we had no control over that, but in a weeks-time we’re soon to forget, to again play making up for the lost time spent, in sadness and depression that lessons our ability, to see the stripping of essence from our beingness, I mean it, it’s an abscess on our demeanor, the more we look forward to back in the day, = the more we repeat the same mistakes, is it really impossible to make up for making mistake, to then wake up with a headache and a little more meaner, I mean we simply can’t make this s*** up, with a mind made up to refurbish the past, then pass alone the past as the history of us, from generation to generation with a lack of self-trust, then bust into the future looking to make up for lost time, just to find that we’re back set in our old ways.

I wish, is a condensed version of wanting to make up, in a sense of knowing what I didn’t know back then, but when wish is Will-I-Stand-Here in common sense, becomes a point of correcting, that mistakes was made, it’s infectious the idea of an opinionated-self, as an option, I can do whatever I want, except do nothing about the wants I desire, that’s inspired by wanting to make up for lost time, hypersensitive to being told, “let it go that’s the past”, a bold thing to ask when one is possessed by it, asking what do you know about what I’ve been through, then walk away and possibly lose connection with you.

In relationships ‘making up’ is the same as ‘making out’, because in both we’re trying to change the way we feel, where after a while only time is able to reveal, just how lost we were for having to make up for lost time, in spite of one another, soon to change our mind, after realizing the way that things turned out, trying to make up for failed relationships of the past, that’s brought forth into the relationships of now, where there’s no way it’ll have any room to expand, unless we ever plan on really letting things go, unconditionally after accepting the past as the past, before moving on and into creating something new.

When having a conversation with someone you haven’t spoken to for quite some time, what comes to mind, is the catching up aspect, where it’s perceived to be making up for lost time, which is really a re-mind of the happy times that was spent together, where there’s rarely a question of any self/life changing factors, unless it’s conflictual or a point of longsuffering, to be followed by a moment sympathy and that’s it, then quick to say ‘cool to catch up with you man’, as a point of escaping any further news, and if you speak common sense, the other person will stop talking to you, and you’ll probably won’t see them again in life, which could be for trying to make up for lost time.

That being said, outside of superficiality, walking one point at a time is a making up in fact, to catch up and walk with to be right and exactly where time is of good use, that seduces ‘making up for lost time’, and proves that all is not lost which starts the point of change, and rearrange the missing to a mission of possibilities, that’s probably the best idea for making up to Self, considering the rivals of survival that we’re behind in the first place, that makes lost time a thing to replace with forward movement, and in conclusion one can start from now, to say I’ve made up my mind to make now the point of change.

Where I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play this game with myself, wanting to make up for lost time, thinking and believing time can be made up from the past, that places my Self right back into the past from whence I came, and become ashamed that I didn’t excel at what I was attempting, that still houses traces of mistakes that was made, being that I missed the obvious that the past should be corrected and not made up for, ignoring the purpose for being here right now. And I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand, the point of making up to self, that substantiates the creation point, by starting with walking one point at a time, as the point of self-change to catch up and walk with, in making up one’s own mind to no longer accept and allow myself to live this lapse of time and judgement, to accept and direct the jurisdiction of me, so that I may use this time now efficiently. As I am/we are a work in progress.

Thanks for reading.

About carltontedford

In Process.
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