Day 850: Worry and Fear (Again/I-Gain)

A master of disguise, these two are when working together, that creates a cocktail for disaster upon squeezed pressure (As I experienced), that needed to be corrected immediately, where feet don’t fail me now when walking through accumulated consequences that’s promising every time we go into worry (In relation to the things we do), where, is it deserving the flirt with uncertainty to be a fail-safe mechanism, that locks us into a point of self-doubt, with no way out but to correct the point, not to mention the bad decisions behind good intentions we’ve made and now have to walk through and live with, because of thinking someone or something must have it in for me and so stay within the energy of anxiety, that would manifest our worlds as s*** to come.

Separately and individually the only entity that chooses not to see is, the Human-being, where for me the worry is prominent, that at times I let dominate the experience of me by injecting in fear, where if the fear is not injected then the worry remains a concern, but if the concern is projected it becomes worry and fear, that if internalized creates a lack of self-trust and dishonesty, that’s commonly the most perpetuated state around.

It’s hard for one to accept ‘not believing in yourself’, as one of the causes and effects to having worry and fear, on every level fearing the next step we take, as if we didn’t learn to walk a long time ago, then add in the point of needing things to survive, and there you have it, the way we sabotage our lives, in spite of knowing as a child I played with no worry in the world, but my play back then was getting to know the world of me, so what stops one for looking into me I see, is the idea that everything is separate from me, and so worry about the separation I’ve caused myself, with the idea of being powerless to do something about it.

Where, in those moment, what I didn’t see was how I was believing that I needed fear and worry as the mind to guide me, into hopefully/just maybe figuring things out, that’s never the way of effectively figuring things out, and so ended up in pain looking for a helping hand, and being that I’m stubborn I did little to no looking – that stubbornness idolize “I can do it myself”, but fall deeper in to worry about not knowing what to do, until I reach out for a well needed assist and was assisted to see the state that I was in.

In the midst, it’s interesting how we take things to the extreme, and deem the point must be more than it is, like saying, “Only god can cure me from this ailment”, then pray until we feel something move inside, then comes excuse after excuse and justification as validation, if nothing happens that changes the way we feel, I mean that’s why it’s important to learn what’s really real – to realize there is assistance out there more than just a thought, but first one has to come to grips with it being our faults, before wanting to give up or give in to the idea that there’s nothing else I can do, and so want to end it all before following through, standing right there at the cusp of change waiting to take the next step, that when taken makes the transition a point of creation, moving oneself into a place of stability, to eradicating the pressure that worry and fear brings, so that I can get one step closer to reaching my utmost potential, and change into the person I would like to be.

A little R&R from the mind is a well warranted desire when we desire to feel something from the mind, where in time the energy accumulates and become overwhelming to the point of yelling, ”Why is this really happening to me”, where at which time one needs to stop what we’re doing and pay close attention to what the body is telling us, that’s pressing literally to say the least, saying if we continue this, things could become more drastic than they already are, where a breakdown is imminent, to losing self-will and if self-will is lost so is our will to live, because we’ve become so depressed about the way we feel, and feel defeated after going to the doctor, and the doctor says there’s nothing I can do about it and give you two aspirin to take in the morning, and when morning comes we’re mourning about No solution being reached, I mean I wish this on nobody, but there is a way to correct this state and that’s through Self-Forgiveness that’s never too late to do, so;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let worry dominate my state of being into being in fear about what I’ve created in my mind, as possibilities of worst case scenarios that pictures my vision, although not prominent, I create my world around it, to ending up in pain I’ve inflicted onto myself, that my physical body signals me to take heed to my experience, and proceed with caution into the next step I take.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/perceive/believe that worry is only a point of concern, without realizing the fear that’s injected into it at the moment I react, reacting to what I’ve created in my mind as a pitiful possibility of worst case scenarios, picturing an outcome of negative proportion, that would justify the state I would go into next, into feeling helpless/hopeless and powerless to do something about it, and doubt that I would ever get over this point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to then in a moment, doubt that there is something that can be done about it, and so fall into blaming some person/place/thing/entity or being for leading me into being so worrisome.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry about the ideas/perceptions and beliefs that comes up in my mind – that if I don’t follow them I wouldn’t be human or normal, that I let sabotage the point of being who I am as life, causing me to default my life in a sense of falling into a detri-Mental mind state, that places me into the space of wanting to give up or give in and so stay within a moment of uncertainty for way too long, until it overwhelms me to reach out for help, to stop myself from tumbling back down the rabbit hole, and hold myself accountable for the experience of me, and stop these point of fear and worry.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand how worry and fear leads to self-distrust, that the lack of self-trust causes self-destruction, by way of frustration when rushing into a decision, and the decision don’t work out how I expected it to, that shows how my expectations is a point to be looked at and corrected, before I let my Ego take it’s Revenge, that it’s always possible to see this coming, just as long as I catch myself before the first reaction.

And with that we stop the pressing infliction of pain, in signals of constant reminder to always be Here, to not miss what pressing that’s always Here, as Life waiting for us to grab onto it a Live.

Thanks for reading.

About carltontedford

In Process.
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2 Responses to Day 850: Worry and Fear (Again/I-Gain)

  1. Pingback: Dag 814 – Discovering self-will | Reis van ziel naar Leven

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