Day 849: Special Attention (A Different Perspective)

Ambiguity is the most loosely used word around when it comes to feeling, where sexuality is a classic that’s passively discussed, with its multiple interpretations and different purposes for most, and some love to boast about fulfilled intentions, while others think that it’s the most disgusting thing around, as if what you experience should be suppressed within you, that may cause stroke or constipation from the buildup inside, but not to be taking lightly and used frivolously, as when abused can bring forth discomfort in your body, to probably thinking why did I ever do that with this person, but being immersed within addiction brings forth a world of uncertainty, that definitely flirts with the idea ‘should I be concerned about something’, or is this concern a certain pattern that I follow.

Every excuse in the world is thought up when wanting something, like “I’m frustrated and crying and only a touch can bring it out”, and “I need special attention in the form of a feeling”, but still feel the same way after it’s all said and done, with a bit more emptiness, I can finally breathe, but still don’t realize our breath in every moment, a component that’s missed when one is claiming frustration is ‘why would you want to take it out on me’, but still again we’re quick to say I aim to please, then plead, ‘don’t take this away from me’, that’s unsatisfying when justifying I’m unsatisfied, a lie that excuses ones addiction to special attention, now wanting to go deeper into it with somebody else, when you really should just turn around and go back home, because it won’t get serious until after the escapade is over, and sober up from having ones head in the cloud, to wondering why is life so hard right now, but that’s what you get when seeking special attention.

In days of the past these things wasn’t talked about, but shunned upon extensively as a point needing change, but secretly when no one was looking those who shunned it did the same, that came about when all the children was put off to bed, in every house hold that hold secret away from one another, to being never told the true meaning behind the birds and the bees, then in came the advent of this is grown folks business and no child should know the secrets that lie underneath, but an interesting thing that happened to not only me, was the sneak to find out what it was all about, and after realizing what it was I had my doubts, but felt the need to seek this attention as well.

You never realize the pain you cause one another, when the starting point behind it is disguised as pleasure, which is why we’ve connected the words pleasure and pain, and derive pleasure from the pain we impress upon others, to feel that’s real as the frown formulating right now, when its things we don’t want to hear we block them out, in fear that what’s being talked about may be true, that convolutes the idea behind “What is Sex“?

I mean we f*** each other when charging interest and paying taxes, that’s mainly placed upon the backs of those with little to nothing, then seek special attention from the frustration we experience, for us to continue to get thrown back into the deep end of things, meanwhile following this repetitive cycle, and call this cycling the circle of life, when life is a constant and don’t repeat in cycles, but programmed into human consciousness as the infinity loop.

I must pay special attention to the experience of me, because the experience of me is what I accept and allow, and to think I can circumvent this experience to feel better, is a plethora of emotion I let accumulate inside, so but to swallow my pride and eradicate this belief, took introspecting, looking into these “special needs”, or the belief that I need special attention for these needs, which was only me failing to attend to myself, so what I realized is that when you attend to the dark parts of you, all these needs start slowly fading away, and what you’re left with is a blank slate to create space, to be able to do what you need to do throughout your day but with a corrected starting point. And so, I now pay special attention to the experience of me. instead of needing special attention to try and feel something. And that’s all I got to say about that for now, as I am a constant work in progress, living in the Here and Now.

Thanks for reading.

About carltontedford

In Process.
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