Day 834: Character Embodiment

The manufacturer of actors we are, from how they are we want to be like, when walking from the TV screen into our worlds, we carry along with us the Embodiment of what the main actor stood for/represented, in somber moods if somber or a proud look for jubilation, where there’s no debating that I’m now it, but split between an ideal and belief, that Chiefs the next steps I am to take, I mean everybody can be a spider man, such a motivating factor to embody this actors child-like ways in an adult world, but only for a moment until we lose ourselves, entangled in a web from the moves we make, that takes place in our minds, until reality smacks us dead in the face, showing that ‘Ain’t’ nothing about the way I am, has changed from watching a movie, but it moves me to think that its possibly so, in hope to find the best escape route to move ‘to and fro’, between being who I am and attempting to be, without taking responsibility for either.

The rocking lullaby stance enhance the way we walk and so change our voice to talk to others, until they asked “what are you doing”, and hurry to cover it up by saying, I’m just playing, then disassociate ourselves from them because they couldn’t understand what I’m trying to do, that seemed good to do and felt good to do, being that I didn’t know what to do about the state I was in, and so stated what other people said and did what other people did, to see if it fit and if it fitted I wore it, in non-consideration of the wear and tear it would have on my body in the long run, I mean what a stressful opposition, positioning myself into an uncomfortable position, like doing a hand stand for 24 hours straight, with blood rushing to my head unable to see straight or think straight for that matter, that it only mattered to me what other people thought, that only brought out who I thought I alt to be, in front of others who I thought cared about me.

It was easy to change on the fly when walking up to someone, adjusting my posture for them to see me at my best, which wasn’t my best but at someone else’s behest , I belonged in action to what they thought of me, meaning my action was only dictate by the reaction I saw them in, and so changed with the wind to appease their sense of interest, to playing the puppy dog role, just to draw them in, that’s a point of using victimization to excite their addiction to conflict, while consciously inflict them with a positive insight, then tell them that their right no matter what they say, to walking away feeling, this person really ‘Likes’ me, to staying within the embodiment of the character I chose.

I’ve walked with a limp when seeing a pimp walk and talked with a slur when hearing a thug talk, that only brought out the anger in me, when pointed out as a fraud, and identity crisis that I didn’t see in urgency, because I embodied the character I thought I was supposed to be, that wasn’t me and hard to maintain, it was hard for me to come to grips with this is not who I am, from being stuck between thinking the life I was raise in wasn’t for me, and exploring any and all possibilities, in search of who I really am, I embodied whatever came up, and even defined myself with the stuff I had.

The switch to someone new doesn’t always justify the mean, meaning there’s always someone who will like just the way you are, with no extra additives or the stuff you have, because the stuff you have doesn’t make you who you are, but only stuff’s you with ideas/perceptions/beliefs that my stuff is enough to raise my value, that’s only valuable as the Stuffing we eat on holiday, that’s stuffed in a turkey and flushed in the stool, we’ve become a tool to this imbalance, in balance with nonsense, as consciousness becomes the common sense we choose to live by.

It’s a learned when realizing the experience’s, we’ve had, made way for the experiences we experience today, which gives way to the way we correct our experiences, by way of embodying the care to change, which starts with;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to throughout my life embody multiple character in search for who I am, that created a multitude of mayhem, I learn to live with, believing the multitude of people I’ve come across, would not accept me as who I am, and so live my life in service of others perceptions, not once considering “where am I” in the equation, that only equated when looking at myself in the mirror, and when looking at others I mirrored their actions, thinking that I could piggy back them into finding me.

And so for a day in the life of me, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see things/others/movies on TV screen, actors and try my best to impersonate them, embodying what they stood for and represented, after walking away and into my world, taking these characters with, in hopes they would fit as a good representation of me, that only places me that much further away from who I really am and into living an identity crisis.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize that the good can be taken from what others do, that’s best for all, without embodying the whole of their characteristics, because we have our own, and so keep what’s good as an addon to my own standing up, as and for life, equally, that way I expand/grow/develop into MY utmost potential, and not pose and altered rendition of my Self onto others. And so on and so forth, into embodying/living the word care as the action taken in regards of who I really and not who I’m choosing to be.

Thanks for reading.

About carltontedford

In Process.
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