Day 833: Embarrassment

So, in listening to THIS cool interview, a few things came up, that I’ve experienced at times in my life, enjoy!

I can’t stand that my standing in character was challenged by reality when posturing up for all to see, me focused on the presentation of me, instead of being present when walking, interacting or doing something in front of others, and so slip, drop something or run into a trash can on the street, followed by a distinct laughter in the distance, that echoes in my ear drum, lullabying my shoulders downward into a slouchy position and want to get away as fast as I can, to put myself in a corner of pity, because I failed to uphold this proud look.

It only took two seconds of premeditation to change the way we was supposed to be, into something we thought would elevate our status in the eye of others, that’s like walking on a tight rope of banana peels, bound to slip off at some point and can’t bare it because our bearing was loose from loosing ourselves into thoughts/ideas/perceptions and belief, believing and perceiving no one will like me, if I was to be who I am with no extra additives, and so add on and extra character to the one’s we’re already promoting.

If I slip and fall I might just stay down there and do push ups to cover up the slip, then do it again as if it was on purpose, but what’s not realized is the flirt with insecurity that’s taking place, insecure Ego creating space in my mind to stay, because I’ve locked myself (in a way) out of the physical, every time reality shows me, Me and I choose not to listen or see, the state I’m going into.

To me embarrassment is one of the clearest ways to see just how scared I am of being who we are as life, in front of other who really don’t give a s*** who you are, because they in their own process are also looking to understand themselves, so you see it doesn’t really matter the slip, fall, run into, bump into that takes place, nor the reactions of others because at the end of the day it’s us who have to correct ourselves for placing ourselves in such positions, in character, that life cares enough to show us the reality we’re living in, in our mind, to being snapped back into reality in the physical.

You can’t really impress you, but only realize the impression we make on life as all as us, like feeling ashamed when looking in the mirror after running into the sink, then saying, I didn’t want me to see that, never looking yourself in the eye when washing your face, and so leave sleep in the eye for others to point out, exacerbating another embarrassing moment, until we get it and own it, which is a profound component of self-change, to stop thinking so much and do what we’ve set out to do, as who we are.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use embarrassment as a point of validating the pitiful stance taken after walking in character, in a way of upholding a perception of self, in precession to show off, into being shown by reality, via slip, fall, drop or run into something, that this is not who I am/we are, but a character of grandeur and so on.

Often times we want to present a grander version of ourselves, showing other, we got our s*** together, that’s harder to uphold instead of the acceptance of ‘this is me with all my quirks’, that’s medicine for the headache of embarrassment, no need to crawl up in a corner and die (so to speak), because a care free walk is in vulnerability, that we all are not perfect, but working to perfect ourselves, if correcting ourselves with every step we take.

I mean it’s never too late to change, but gets late when shown, looked at then turned away from, and yes we’re prone to turning the other cheek and falling asleep, hoping that when we wake up we experience ‘ground hog day’, with awareness to not take the same slip twice, which is obviously the same mistake twice, because no correction was set in play, so the problem still exist, that we create every embarrassing moment we experience, but don’t have to.

Speaking of awareness, it’s of our surrounding ‘yes, but should be more so of what comes up in our minds that whisk us away from reality, while in the midst of doing something, that catches us off guard, because we’re guarding the Ego, in disregards of reality of the things around us.

So to me the correction to embarrassment is to walk in awareness of what’s coming up within and as you before/during/in the midst of doing something, because what’s in yours way such as a curb for instance won’t lower itself so you won’t trip, so best to be present at all times focused on what we set ourselves out to do, watch what we say and where we’re walking, to not assume the inferior position of embarrassment, but to stand equal to and one with all that is me, that surrounds me.

Thanks for reading.

About carltontedford

In Process.
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