Day 814: The Reactionary Self (Subside)

Ever so subtly within the birth of a doubt, the claim ‘I doubt it’ births a movement of uncertainty, that flirts with the idea, “I must be right and they’re all wrong”, “you just wait and see”, “they’ll see it my way”, then sit back and wait, where in waiting through the waste of time nothing ever change, then react to one’s own unchanging perception that messes with the perspective we’re trying to get across, that gets lost in translation without knowing all the details, and swell up at anyone who on the opposite side.

Interesting how most reactions are not about self, but about someone else and what they’re going through, unless in belief that I’m not good enough, and so react by closing myself off to other, in other words self-pity is the theory in fact that attracts a reaction inverted towards self, and the sorrowful feeling that something’s wrong with me, is but a dreamscape of illusion that I let confuse me / the state I’m in with self-acceptance, instead of accepting and correcting my reactionary self, thinking it’s just the way I am, sensitive to my feeling, when the real point at hand is how I’m disconnecting from me.

Through reactions we slowly disconnect from self, in fact when slowly disconnecting from self, we start to feel pain and want to blame it on a condition, then take antibiotics to suppress our condition, that says it within the word itself, Anti-body; ‘against the body’ that makes one psychotic to not see clear, where fear as a reaction then to step in, that defines our relationship with becoming angry, and once we’re angry we become impatient, and want the whole world to see just how fake it is, (in essence), playing the part of being the reactionary self, while saying, “I’m just sticking to what I said”.

Two heads is better than one in the equation of 1+1 – equaling supporting one another to see a point, within a friendship or partnership alike, that might just change our reactionary self, but most of the time we want to be left alone and zone out on the energy we receive, which always end in a point of Dis-ease and unsatisfied with the way I reacted, in closed caption of the picture I was seeing, then project this picture via the reactionary self, towards others in our world we share ourselves with, that blinds us from seeing what the other is trying to share, as a point of support that they’ve been there to, where all we have to do is take heed to what they’re saying, instead of delaying the point of taking self-responsibility, that gives us the ability to act on change, instead of reinforcing the possession we’re in.

The point of compromise is so subtly crafted, where in the moment of doing something we fail to see the reaction, that veils the original promise one made to oneself, that this time I’ll get it right, then all else fails, because one chose not to listen to one’s own self, to just be patient and walk through the point, and come out on the other side having transcended the point, that takes fortitude to stand and become the point, that anoints oneself into a world of possibilities, to prominently reaching one’s utmost potential.

At the dimming of the brow, marks the confusion to what we see, that lays out perfectly a platform of reaction, that we place our emotions on and spread throughout our world, where anyone we come in contact with is subject to our delusion, and with a bruised Ego disregard the words we’re choosing, in spite of knowing exactly what we’re doing.

So the point to pursue when calming ones reactions, is to breathe through what you’re hearing, that starts before interacting, because there’s no use to fearing what has already happened, and if you’re seeing what could happen then go the other way, none less than correcting our way of perceiving things, that spawns the belief that this person is against me, that may not be the case, just a point of mistaken identity, unable to identify the reaction they’re in, and so we are.

In which case; I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take things personally that’s most likely about someone else, where I become confused, unable to identify the reaction they’re in, that I then let spawn a reaction in me, interrupting the fortitude in which I stand, to take a trip down Ego lane, and find myself swerving into other people’s lanes, and crash head on into a point of conflict, instead of taking it as an indication/flag point when feeling my eyebrows dimming, that my reactionary self is starting it’s engine, in which case, I should take a step back, slow myself down and Breathe in and out to let this negative energy subside.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/perceive/believe that I’m right within a reaction and that everyone else is wrong, to just wait and see, then sit there waiting, and let my reaction get stronger because now I’m reacting to nothing ever changing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want others to see my point of view, within a reaction and become adamant about this squeezed together puzzle picture I put together in my mind, from bits and pieces of information I gather from different people in my world, to create this abstract conclusion, and stand by the blurriness of what I’m saying, until this whole idea just fade away, then have to go back and correct my stance, instead of standing in place in a uncomfortable position.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, everytime we react we place ourselves/myself in an uncomfortable position, that also hurt others to see, even if they’re aware of it or not, where the state we’re in dictates the situation we create/I create, that may affect others as much as it does me, because I choose to react inappropriately to something that’s not really about me/about us, but against my own self-interest and Ego.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my self-interest and Ego to interrupt the calmness of my being, bypassing it straight into opening the door of our human nature, that’s not a pretty picture no matter how you look at it, in spite of life as the person before us we’re choosing to perpetuate the reactionary self towards. Therefore;

When and as I see myself feeling the urge to dim my eyebrows as a sign of confusion to what I’m seeing/hearing or reading, that don’t sit well with my self-interest and Ego, without first investigation what it is that I’m coming across and go into reaction to/towards others in my world about, I stop and breathe. I see/realize/understand that I am neglecting to respect the stance I committed myself to and that of others in my world, in their own world as me, in disregard of life itself, for a momentary boost of energy, that soon dies out just a quick as it came, then find myself having to live with the consequences of my reactions and ripples I created as infraction in my world, and so, I commit myself to be a participatory observer in awareness of every minute movement, in every moment that come up within and as me, to not let it get to the point of festering, growing to spilling out into my world, but from the first contact breathe and clear myself to be able to walk through the point and come out on the other side having corrected myself from embodying the reactionary self.

Thanks for reading.

About carltontedford

In Process.
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