Day 813: I’m Bored of You (Another Look)

Just a Perspective
When the smiles cease to exist and reality sets in, with burning cheek we try our best to hold on to this pose as long as we can, to cover up the truth of things, that I’m getting bored of you but don’t want to say it, that all the energy I put into our interaction was fake and have now come full circle, where it hurts to even look at the person that I was and all of the above is true in most relationships, that makes it easy to disconnect and move on to the next ‘One’, except when one is comfortable within this suppression, that lessens any chances of a real connection, accepting the point of agreeance to disagree and that fine with me, then spend the rest of your life with someone you don’t like, that might just give up before you do, and now you’re stuck thinking what did I do, and what’s wrong with them, will they ever change their mind, when all this time we’re the ‘One’ who got bored with them.

If it’s not a match best to detach, that saves you both time from getting attached to an Idea, a feeling and a horrible way of living, especially when the relationship was built off a touch, that I like the way they touch me and that’s enough, and the rest of the time spent chasing after that first touch, that for a short while covers up the bullshit we exist as, in the pulpit of addiction reading a book of complacency, placing me deeper into a congregation of doubt, then shout at each other about meaningless things, in bringing up the past of what you did to me, and after it’s all said and done makeup sex is the best, and rest easy in sorrow that I love you so much, then wake up, just to do it all over again, because I’ve spent this whole time being bored of you, instead of connecting with you.

When getting to know someone on a first name bases, best to test the relationship to see what they say, and I’m seeing it right now how this could create, the space and time needed to see if they stay, not in a deliberate way of pushing their buttons, but talk about something substantial to see what they’re made of, and maybe push the point a bit to see what they’re afraid of, because if we’re going to spend a time in our life with them, I want to make sure I’m having the time of my life with them, and give them the best that I have to offer, that’s offering nothing less than the best of me.

I’m getting bored of you, in the sense of monotony, I probably should stop worrying about what other think of me, and confidently stand up to take responsibility, for thinking others can bore a reaction out of me, when in fact I’m not allowing myself to see, just how much I’ve ignored the commonality I have with another when self-interest is pushed aside, and lie in vulnerability that we’re so much alike, without lying with an Ego that we’re so much alike, as a point of chatting the other person up for sex, then get to the orgasm and in retrospect, regret the way I’m feeling so depleted.

Communication is needed to supersedes the boredom, and more so to really get to know one another, that uncovers the surprise of getting to know oneself through the eyes of another more than just by myself, because for so long I’ve been by myself, instead of standing with self to see what I let pass by, then tell myself that the eyes don’t lie, when looking through the mind at what we chose, that goes hand and hand with what we oppose, and wonder why the hell do I get bored so quick.

When there’s no consideration for the one’s we pick, we wish that we could turn back the hands of time, just as fast as we say I changed my mind, and stand spineless to say I did this to me, and plead that the other person don’t figure you out, without letting you into their world in fact, to be a match of how quickly you both can get bored with one another, that smothers any chances of advancing ahead, and end up settling for a few night stands, that stands in the way of correcting our boredom, we hoard as an escape door when the mind is fed up, and full off the energy we feed to it.

But what about me when I need a fix, to fix the way I relate to others and create relationships that meaningful with others, along with myself that’s full of life, where the life we lead is fruitful in fact, and this right here is the correction for that;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand how I perpetuate my own self-boredom onto others in my world after a rosy moment of interaction and want to stay within the pose of a smile, until my cheeks start hurting and reality sets in, where I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to binge off of boredom and bring others into it, because I’m not settled within the space that I stand, and so have become restless with self and the self of another, to think that I am bored of you, that smother any chances of getting to know them correctly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be bored with the idea of having a relationship, if it’s not based in the self-interest of how I feel, then enter into a relationship chasing after a feeling – that the way they touch me feel oh so good, not realizing the “Oh” is an ‘Ah ha” moment to see the pattern of desire to feeling ‘oh so good’, and the “So” is the disconnect of not regarding self, as a moment of saying ‘I don’t care’, and the “Good” is to ‘go do’ whatever I want, to the detriment of any relationship I find myself in, then become bored with the person after the feeling is gone, in the continuous repeat of the same old song. (So to speak).

The investigation begins when you get bored of being bored, and asking yourself, why can’t I find the right one, then use the introspection equation in looking at the word boredom, to see how one is boring oneself to death. Are you bored yet?

Thanks for reading.

About carltontedford

In Process.
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