Day 783: Headache, from Rushing in Head first

The consequence for thinking too much in essence and a lesson well learned, that turns one from being happy go lucky to WTF just happened, and ever so slightly begin to laugh at knowing how I’ve created this for myself, with a melt down waiting to happen looming in the background, if I let it happen, but won’t let it happen on my watch, and now see how this could have been avoided, but enjoyed time alone spent with like-minded individuals, and the residual of this is coming back to, with a point of stability waiting to be lived.

And lived is the way I delete evil from within me, when the mind possesses my beingness into living life abruptly, that’s corrupting my core away from the principles I’ve come to know, and show to myself that I can live my utmost potential, while knowing that every point I walk is extremely instrumental, I mean it’s really simple but the complexity of the mind makes it seem as a mountain with a fountain of emotion pouring into my world.

It’s like taking a nose dive in the deep end of the pool, then realizing the water has been slowly leaking out, the same as possessing oneself into believing all is bad without a shadow of doubt, just to find in the end that I’ve made it bad for me and things would slowly change its course, and the situation I walked into wasn’t a situation at all, but a room full of assistance and support, that supported me to realize how possessed I’ve become and needed to find out what was the root cause, and then came the consequence in the form of a tooth ache that spread throughout the bottom of my right jaw, that gathered itself into a swollen form, waiting for me to figure it out, and the longer it waited emerged a brain freeze of a headache and that right there is what I’m writing about.

In the past I have excuse different pain as a climate change when travelling throughout the world, then looked for a way to suppress the point, by take things I wouldn’t normally take, and make things somebody else’s fault, and drag things on till the wheels fall off, and in the midst become “saved” in the state of not doing it again, and when the pain is gone, right back at it again, with no correction to what I’ve just been through, but knew at some point I would have to correct this, while now being in a place of consequence. I presented to me a headache, so;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wrap/bow/tie and present to me a headache, created, packed and shipped through a mind possession, and delivered in the form of a toothache, to awaken me from a slumbering glare, when believing an idea I made up in my mind, expecting the worst to happen, before arriving to a place of comfort, to sitting in the comfort and see that I was tripping, then tripped about nothing being the way I thought it would be, and close to the end of the experience manifest pain in my tooth, that lead to the headache I experienced when coming back home.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think ahead with expectations in mind, but didn’t expect a headache to be the end result.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself plain and simply think too much that possessed me into manifesting pain in my head region.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become sluggish from the headache I experienced, thinking/perceiving/believing, I had no energy to do things (there for a moment), then push through handling my responsibilities, to writing and realized I should have done this before. Within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to waste time in pain when I could have investigated and written things out for myself, to alleviate the pain I was experiencing in the form of a headache.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait in a mode of suppression, dormmate, thinking the pain would just go away eventually.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize the extent of manifested consequence when waiting in a mode of suppression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to initially resist looking at and correcting this point, thinking I did nothing wrong to deserve this, in essence deserting my responsibility for sorting out the matter I’ve place myself within. Matter of fact, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to subtly blame others for the experience of me, in a spit second, then stop following the thought around, but the point still remained.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to remain, (at the time) within a space of stagnation waiting for the body to just heal itself, while knowing it doesn’t work that way, and that I have directive principle to correct what I experience, and if I don’t take it, things will become worst.

So here I sit, standing as a point of responsibility, to no longer accept and allow myself to mind possess myself into accumulated consequence, accumulating into a headache from thinking/believing the worst could happen, but to instead; When and as I see myself going into a mind possession about things that are out of my control, and things that’s set in stone, to bringing others into the mess I’ve created upstairs in my mind with my assumptions and imagination, I stop and breathe. I see/realize/understand, at that point, I am no longer directing me, but standing behind a mind that has its own agenda, to keep me patronize within these patterns I allow, prolonging the reaching of my utmost potential, that’s sure to set me back in my process, therefore;

I commit myself to understanding that most of the thoughts that comes up in my mind is automated and requires no reaction, but self-forgiveness in fact when playing on my emotions, to then let them go unconditionally, as a slap back to reality and gradually get to the point of seeing and forgiving before they come up – to stay up and awake away from a mind possession that lessens the possibility of me getting a headache.

I commit myself to no longer accepting and allowing myself to reaction to any self-created ideas coming up in my mind, in any way, shape or form, but to form a correction plan to be implemented as soon as I see the first thought surface, within that I commit myself to rehearsing and practicing my steadfastness, to instead of fasting, live the correction, as a protection and defense mechanism when learning these lessons.

Thanks for reading.

About carltontedford

In Process.
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