Day 778: Slap Back (Backchat) Perspective

The slap back with spiteful intent, which ever way you put it/say it, internally kept that’s voiced in the mind as mumbles, used as a point of validating the question, “Why did you do and/or say that to me”, when not knowing what to say in the moment – that “I know”, but didn’t want to hear it from you, in any form, let alone in front of others, so in my mind f*** you for pointing out a point needing to be corrected in my own life, that I can’t say out loud, and call that being a better person, where the worst is yet to come and some would have fun with the fact that you don’t know what I’m thinking, which is insane, but the real insanity comes in when we use your own backchat and direct it towards yourself/myself, that this post is all about and some.

Some say, “Only crazy people talk to themselves”, but more like being caught in public talking to yourself, then Bluetooth came out and everyone thought you were being talked to, but the other was just on the phone, having a conversation out loud, and “Oh, next time let me know that you’re on the phone”, that’s always on, in a mind that constantly analyzing what others say, then talk back about what we see.

The feeling of feeling that someone can make you feel a certain way, is an excuse to backchat and the validation for it, more so during the soreness of our bubble being burst, and immerse ourselves within a downward spiral, and choose spite instead of correction, trying to pull ourselves out of it, but only sink deeper into it, because the mess we initiated wasn’t corrected correctly, but accepted as a point of blame and it’s ashame that we don’t see it that way.

But look who’s talking when bringing it back to self, where I’ve use backchat as a way to get back a those I couldn’t talk back to, starting with my parents and authority figures growing up, and continued up until this point in my life, without realizing the strife I was creating in my world and reality, without saying a word out loud, that has now been inverted towards self when self is trying to show me the things I don’t want to see but need to, at times, then say “I know” and don’t do nothing about it. Where;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have become so apt to perpetuating backchat towards others, that I realize the experience of talking back to myself, in a spiteful manner, that for so long have went unnoticed, throughout my life, and only now that I’m taking responsibility for the experience of me, see how this has affected my clarity in making sound/rational decisions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait so long throughout my life to decide to take responsibility for the voices in my head that’s not only directed towards others, but myself as well.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have backchat towards myself , in saying things like “I know”, when being shown a point I’ve had questions about and now when seeing the answer, backchat, “I know”, or “No, it can’t be”, then turn the other cheek in my mind, just to be slapped back on the other side, with the gravity or reality of the situation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to casually let this backchat slip by, while seeing the self-manipulative factor at play, and only when pain ensues from it, do I step out of it and into the correction phase, which shouldn’t take all of that, in order for me to correct myself, meaning that I have gotten so comfortable with not trusting myself, but judging myself, that has made it hard to me to see the support self is giving me, that hasn’t specifically been corrected correctly, completely, so as long as any another dimension of it surface, I will keep correcting myself, therefore;

When and as I see myself talking back to myself, within a version of insanity, called Backchat, as the slap back of emotions, not wanting to see what’s being shown to me by myself, when having questioned an occurrence in my life, and when shown, say things like “I know” spitefully and/or “No it can’t be”, in disbelief, I stop and breathe. I see the self-manipulation in the matter/realize how this is extremely detrimental to myself, more so than having backchat towards other (but not any better)/ and understand how I, myself is keeping myself chained and confined in my own mind, that hates the sight of me changing, which is mine, and so me, wanting to stay within the comfortability of living separated from myself in my own physical body, like Damn!

So, I commit myself to unchaining myself with the key of acceptance, in embracing and accepting and correcting what’s being shown to me, by my support system, that is this physical body, me in fact, to reach my utmost potential, that will only happen in time, as I continue correcting each point in form of backchat the comes up from within and as me, towards myself or any other person/place/thing or being of life, needing to be corrected, as I am responsible for it all.

Thanks for reading.

About carltontedford

In Process.
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