Day 775: Being Left in the Dark (Self-Forgiveness)

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/perceive/believe that it was others fault that I wasn’t aware of what was going on in my life in the past, and so believe that I was being left in the dark, when it was me who turned a blind eye to different situations in my world and in my life, not wanting to see what was being show to me in different way, until things in my life started falling apart.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a dark spot for me to live in in my life, back then, hiding away from any situation that needed to be shaken up, my detailed attention, but tended to my own self-interest, thinking things would just work themselves out and found myself out of a few friends and sabotaged a few relationships I was in.

This is not to say that anyone from back then is exempt, but my point of responsibility, is to correct my fault in the matter, my participation and self-positioning placement, to not repeat the same again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how the dark serves it purpose, for me to investigate what’s going on within me, in back tracking to the root cause, why I experience myself the way I did back then, that lead to what I am experiencing in my life today as this belief.
On another note, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get to the point of realizing all that I knew was not the truth of what was really going on in this world, and so believed that I was left in the dark, without investigating for myself the truths I come to realize and was assisted to see.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, how being left in the dark, was in a way good for me, because if I wasn’t, I would probably not have moved passed the point of comfortability, staying within ignorance is bliss, which would have made my process that much harder.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others for the dark side in me, when I should’ve been looking at and within myself, to see these dark spots that needed correcting as in the good, bad and ugly that resides within me, good being that of the positive energetic feeling/chasing after an energetic experience, fix and rush, in the rush of things, and correct them myself, because the time I spend blaming others only created more consequences for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted an allowed myself to purposely leave myself in the dark about things I need to see/look at and correct and experience resistance toward, thinking these things will just sort themselves out, which never did, and so found myself in a poor spot in my life, to becoming emotional wondering why I didn’t take the opportunity to correct these things earlier.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to push things off till later to be corrected, then when later comes, believe I have no energy to do this – but let something come up, that motivates my Ego, the energy would somehow magically come out of thin air.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait until the last moment to move myself about things that are pressing in my life, that causes me to believe that I’m being left in the dark about things, from others who see what I choose not to look at, when it’s me whose watching things crumble in front of my eyes, but don’t want to believe what I’m seeing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the crumbling effect in my life, by not wanting to see things, that was blatantly happening in my life, outside of an Egotistical point of view, until my Ego took its revenge and found myself looking from the outside in.

Interesting how we have defined anything associated with the word ‘Dark’ as something bad or evil, therefore this correct was in relations to how I had defined the word ‘Dark’ as such. In post to come I will correct my relationship to this word, but for now, thanks for reading.

About carltontedford

In Process.
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