The desolate longing for acceptance, what you may not see in you, others will invest in, no matter if it makes them rich or not, just the time they put in says a lot, whether it’s a few seconds of interaction, a moment or a life time, you must have been worth it in somebody’s eye, that realized for a moment, you were you, at the time you couldn’t see the real you in you, that happens in an instant when we need it the most, and most of the times it’s on the edge of being broke, in the sense of having a breakdown and nowhere to go, where the belief is I’m stuck on which way to go, at a fork in the road in my mind that’s a joke, because I’ve been in this same position before, and tide the same rope around my neck, as in repeating the same problem and didn’t care less, until the problem took the air right out of my chest, all because we didn’t take time to invest in us, and in self we trust when things are going ok, but when s*** hit the fan we’re quick to run away, ‘From Me’.
Invest is the inter-chest of getting to know self (simply put) what am I good at, what do I see in me that I’m quick to give away to others, that smothers the flame inside my chest, every time I take a breath to say “I’ll help you”, that’s time away from investing in me, the same as others invest time in me/in you/in us, every time we meet new people and start new relationships with new people, we check and see if there’s any compatibility issue and if it is, it’s in comparison to them, but go out on a limb to create a relationship that works, I mean everything doesn’t have to be bad all the time, just as everything is not fine all of the time, but the time we have here now is yours and mine to do the best we can to invest in Self. Therefore;
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to invest more time in me, but have become to comfortable with being invested in throughout my life, in the sense of being shown my capabilities are worth my time too, not just for others to see and push me to move more.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to push myself to move more, then sit in the position I’ve planted myself in for and extended period of time, instead of continuing to push myself – that is the investment I need.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept the time others invest in me as gratitude, but only then use this to push myself more.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience a sense of stagnation when not pushing myself more in whichever avenue I need to go, and so waste a bit more time getting to and thru where I need to, and what I need to do, that could have been done in record time if I would have invested more time in moving me.
Within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not invest more time into moving me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow a track record/pattern of waiting to be pushed in a way, when believing I need energy to move myself, as a point of praise of pat on the back, instead of patting myself on the back when getting to a point of accomplishing something, then moving on/forward to the next thing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to at times, when seeing what needs to be done, take my time getting to it, that creates a stretch between me and what it is that needs to be done, that in the midst, I let entangle me in a web resistance, making the process (there in) that much longer for me walk through.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed at times purposefully take a slower pace to get to and through things, which may seem like a good rule of thumb, but a justification to the underlying point of laziness.
Interesting how the point of self-investment is often time met with resistance, which should automatically be a flag point, saying “Ok this is an immediate must do”, that would inevitably shed light on the next move one should make, that I’m seeing right now is the point of ‘Investing in You’ (Yourself), Investing in Me (Myself), that would make any other Investments (That doesn’t always mean Money by the way), greater than any money ever earned or received, because what goes around comes back around in one way or another.
Thanks for reading.