Day 754: The Experience of Me

More than being experienced with a certain skill set and/or knowing how to do something, like you may know the back of your hand (second nature of sort), the mastery of a thing one has gained wisdom and understanding about, is what you have experience with, but even with this experience we experience ourselves a certain way, how do we behave on behalf of ourselves, the reactions that connect us more so to what we’re doing or going through, at any given moment in time, what components of me do I let stand out and define me throughout my day in what I face, and most importantly how long will I continue this connection to it, that lessen my participation in the Here-ness of Now, while doing what it is I’m doing/facing.

When trying to pull away from something, we remain adjacent/attached to what it is, that has us captured with layers of unwrapping to do to get to the root cause, more like an onion telling you to go on-in, that could go on-I (and)-on for days on end if we let it, and even months, then slump into a mode of depression, when trying to detach ourselves from this connection point, that has us trapped in what we’re dealing with, consequences in fact, in the midst of it.

So the other day, I was watching this movie before I went to bed, (that spawned this topic), where in the movie this person had initially been through a hardship in their life for 15 year, then was rescued from the hardship and so begin with a new life, within this new life things kept happening to them, going from one thing to the next that continued on throughout the movie (for most part). After the movie was over, I fell asleep and had dream with this same character in it, where in the dream, the character was trying their best to walk through and pull themselves out of what they were dealing with/facing, but couldn’t figure out how to, it was like the person was attached to their problems with strings connected to their back, so every time they tried to pull away from it the problem would expand like a balloon then reattach them back to the problem everytime they would run out of energy, so I then placed myself in as the person, and experienced the same thing, where no matter how much I tried to pull myself out of the problem, I would get pulled back into it.

I then woke up and went to the bathroom, and on the way applied sleepy self-forgiveness, lol, but told myself; “Ok what is the solution”/ “Let’s look at it and look for a solution”, I then went back to sleep and back into the same dream, but this time thinking about a solution, and low and behold, what I realized after a few more tries is that, the reason I wasn’t able to pull myself out of the problem is because the strings that connected me to it, was ‘the experience of me’, in how I was reacting to being connected to the problem, all the anger/frustration/victimizing/blame and irritation, for creating the problem in the first place and being in it, that blinded me from seeing my way out, and so realized the cutting of the strings was for me to correct each one of these points first, and only then will it be clear to me to see a way out of it.

After the realization I then woke up for my day, and saw how this was part answer to a question I had asked myself about how do I get myself out of what I face when facing consequences in my life, which was like WOW, and so wrote my morning Self-forgiveness on the dream I had and what I’m facing in my life currently, to begin cutting the strings of connection to lessen the resistance when walking through said points, and remain eternally grateful for the tools Desteni presents, because without them, this would just be a confession and not a point of correction, therefore;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the importance of being aware of the experience of me in every moment of breath, especially in the midst of facing and walking through points/problems in our lives, where the attachment to it can be of tremendous strain/pressure towards one’s physical body, where the resistance to facing such points are like strings keeping me connected to it in the form of anger/frustration/victimization/blame and irritation, that I have experienced, unaware that I was prolonging my wallow within it, by not choosing to take responsibility in cutting these strings, to free myself from this experience of me.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand the importance of asking oneself questions, that may be revealed through dreams, and other ways, in this case the dream I had, and within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the gift one gifts oneself, when being aware in one’s own dream to see me, and not only that, the realization that all in my dream is me/for me/by me, which make it easier to correct in reality, once I wake up.

And so, I commit myself to when and as I see myself face with a point of uncertainty, to investigate more, to ask myself more question, and if I’m still not seeing it clearly, to reach out for assistance, because it behooves me to move me, when things are about me that I need to correct and change, to change the experience of me.

Thanks for reading.

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About carltontedford

In Process.
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2 Responses to Day 754: The Experience of Me

  1. mijn reis naar leven says:

    Nice!

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