Day 748: Tainted Sanctuary

More than just a place needing to be cleaned, or a vessel that carries you around like a machine, a home or our bodies that we live in and relax in, to rejuvenate in and start over again the next day, then come back to leaving the world within the world, out there in a world filled with worldly things, once stepping through the door of our favorite place, a place where we took our time to create, and placed our signature on and within, and call it our own and feel safe in, when there all alone shielded from the elements, and selfishness of a system that’s reckless and self-less – meaning it cares less about any Self within it, so why do we bring this into our Sanctuary’s and Taint it, and want to faint when our house is not in order, as the sorting of discord amongst one another?

We pay more attention to ‘You brought dirt into my kitchen, so leave you shoes at the door’, instead of why we hurt others intentionally, and leave your mind at the door, that’s sadly ignored and sink into the pores in our homes and bodies, that causes a dis-ease, an uncomfortable feeling, and taint’s the ambiance of the space we’re in, where there’s no peace for the weary and no sleep in a dreary place we rarely leave up out of, but satisfied with just laying around within, and call this our comfort zone, which ends up being just our bedroom and/or time on the phone.

In this sanctuary of sand can we truly stand up straight for what we know and live, not what we believe in, when sinking into the fabrics of our couches = the fabric of our minds, that confines us to the illusion of a side show, that actually shows us what’s wrong with US, to Understand Self to change this me, I would say Yes inevitably, but first to realize how I have created the sanctuary of me, internally that has created my sanctuary externally as a crumbling sand box, lol, that I’m now adding water to, to solidify my stance and build on principles I can stand by and live by, to no longer accepting and allowing this disruption in my life, that percussions me with a destructive sound, of repeating the same drum pattern over again, that has embedded itself within me as symbolism.

But to instead repaint this picture I’ve painted of me as complacency, a picture of over-Complicated things, with a tendency to at times overcomplicate things, instead of seeing/realizing the simplicity within these things, that I let taint my ability to live as life and do what’s best for all and become life and live within the sanctity of my sanctuary with clarity that I changed my mind at the door.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed distractions to cloud my vision and make decisions that would taint the sanctuary of me, to not see how I was sinking into the sand box of thought, that I should have deleted from my memory bank, that cost me time wasted from see things clearly, to facing the consequences that I’m walking within.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate me from the word sanctuary, in thinking/believing that it’s only a place in church and so became satisfied in the ignorance thereof, to not realize that I have sanctioned me to live myself outside of myself – that everything I’ve done was someone else’s fault and not my own, and so within that, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to take responsibility for the actor in me and correct my actions to see things clearly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my mind take the driver’s seat in my life and drive me crazy, to having no idea of who I really am as the sanctuary of me, that I now see on the precipice of change, that I should have seen when standing on level ground.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to just lay around on the fabric on my couch, in my mind enjoying the comfortability of the sideshow, instead of showing up for work needed to be done on me, and so missed the obvious of my survival being at stake, at all times, and so needed to save for a rainy day, for an uninterrupted future, in relations to me walking the finance point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to point the finger at others in my world who I LET infiltrate my sanctuary, believing that I could probably sanctify them, instead of seeing that it’s me, standing in the need of correction and change, and so commit myself to continue removing the bleak spots and stains of tarnish I’ve placed as a cloud over my head, in the process of breathing with my head above water, i.e. getting back to a point of stability, and being at peace with what I create.

Thanks for reading.

About carltontedford

In Process.
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