Day 746: Breathing Room

In relationships, the words, ‘let me think about it’, is usually followed by needing space, then into sleeping in separate beds or rooms, because now all of a sudden, I don’t like the way you click your feet when we’re sleeping that wakes me up in the middle of the night, and plus you snore, which wasn’t cared about before, but now a problem. Where the “Yes honey’s” turns into “What’s up”, a hard adjective of an answer to the question let’s talk, stating I really don’t have nothing to say to you, (that’s not said), to coming home late from work claiming they kept me late, smelling like beer to take off the edge, while sitting on the edge of divorce, because I need breathing room.

But the breathing room that’s needed is really from the suffocation of a thought that uses as a restriction, the idea that no one really cares and “I’m here all alone”, with seemingly no way out of a mind pattern I’ve followed for so long, of helplessness, that leads to the defecation of s*** getting worse if not checked and corrected, and dissected into time frames of occurrence in investigating how did I get to this point of a mind possession, that seem to last a lifetime, but only for few minutes, I mean “step back I need breathing room”, the same as saying “Hold on, I need time to think”, then forget to breath again, in this repetitive cycle that never ends until we end it.

What happens is we create all these scenarios of wrong doings in our minds about our partners or mates, fraternizing in some other place with some one else that’s not us, and believe it to be true, then after a while realizing how we were wrong, because when we got home they were just in the shower and couldn’t answer the phone, but still think there must be something going on, and over time we continue to do this without saying anything to our partner about it, in what we’re experiencing and why this is so, and so suppress it that makes it hard for us to breathe, and because of the embarrassment of not wanting to be seen as the one at fault, we’d rather throw in the towel, because now the guilt is eating away at our flesh that hurts, but look for ways to point out their flaws and rub their face in the dirt, just to in the end, say; “I need some Breathing Room”, and state the obvious, “It’s not you it’s me”, which leaves out partner dumbfounded, wondering, what did I do.

It’s overwhelming how we all sit in the middle of a situation and try to think our way out of it, believing we’re the only ones that places together scenarios from movies into our reality and don’t think nothing about it after we find out we were wrong, then say to the person next to us; “You know what I was just thinking”, when experiencing this taking place, then place emphasis of laughing our way out of it, instead of the WOW of it, to look for ways to stop this from happening by taking a step back and creating breathing room.

Admittance is the key that unlocks the investigation into oneself, that no matter what anyone else thinks, what I write is all about me, because it’s not you who can change me, but me giving myself breathing room (away from the mind) long enough to see, how I have created this me that I often talk about, and with vulnerability being one of the vantage points of change, you shouldn’t be ashamed for me, join me in walking your own journey to life for yourself to see just how much breathing room is need in between a mind we have created as ourselves and who we really are as the Flesh (Self) as life. Therefore, I Stop and I Breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/perceive/believe that I needed breathing room from others in my world, within relationships of the past, that I’ve sabotaged with such thoughts, that’s been passed, without realizing the breathing room that’s needed, is between me and the thoughts of a mind I have defined myself to be/as, too embarrassed to take responsibility as the thoughts that came up in me, about what I perceived that wasn’t real, but still haunted me till this day, that’s being shown in a way of thinking I need breathing room away from any problems I face, instead of creating this breathing room by facing/correcting and walking through them, the problems in any case and remaining with breath while doing it. That way breath in every moment is realizing, to start seeing with my real eye, the breath of life that is me.

Thanks for reading.

About carltontedford

In Process.
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