Day 745: “The Must”

Wow, Writing in all its uniqueness, is a way of bringing things to life, in a way you can’t when only thinking about what to say/you hear or make sense of, in a puzzled mind frame, where every pixel is dictated by the adjacent thought that helps formulates the picture one is trying to see, but through writing, is where the why and how the picture fits and come together is laid out, as the source code to one’s own life, and if used correctly, the walking through and out of things becomes simplistic, that I’m realizing.

For example if given a broad spectrum of things to work on in one’s own life, assisted through a question asked by you and given and answer as such, initially we get the gist of it, but what I find is, not only until after I really sit down with myself and write it out, do I really understand what was being shown to me, as in the connection point between what I am experiencing and my actions leading up to the experience, to be able to change these patterns effectively and efficiently.

Coming from a place where writing was a form of resistance for me, school to me was as a job of sorts, unable to Jump On Board with the ideas presented in text books, I learned the basics, but had a world full of my own ideas in my head, waiting to come out to be expressed and live, but suppressed because there was no correct answer given that I could see at the time, but until I was out on my own as an adult, did I see the necessity for remembering things.

But still the only way I chose to express myself was through recited metaphors, learned from gathered information that I let pile up in my mind, because of not having any other way to lay things out before me, being that I put writing in the back seat along with all the other things I resisted, which also made it nearly impossible for me to formulate my words effectively within the midst of a well needed conversation with someone i.e. relationships and conflictual situations with others in my world, where for most that’s when all else fails and you want to fight.

Unable to distinguish the true from lies, because I kept no script to investigate the difference within them and even when I wrote something down (back then), it was only poems of grandeur with grand schemes of escapism, plans to leave the bad of my past behind and jump into a new life, that (to me) was only possible through money, having it, and making a lot of it, and so I did, but didn’t write out a plan to keep it, and lost it, along with my ability to make effective decisions, because it was all contingent on the money I had, and not who I would discover myself to be, through writing.

When looking back and seeing all the signs that was in my face (to write), from almost every girl I dated kept a diary that surprised me, and even a roommate I had keep a Journal of things to not do, which also surprised me because he followed through with it, but didn’t dawn on me to follow suit, I thought the figuring out was only done through what I saw out there with my eyes, not looking inside myself to see that I created what I was seeing, I mean if I had known writing would do this for me, lol I still probably wouldn’t have did it, because of being trapped in my own interpretation of what the world is and what I thought I needed to do to get ahead and so suppressed the point of really getting to know me, by not writing.

But who would have known, after all these years of going through fears, the very thing I revered the most, would be the thing I needed the most, and so like doing the most, that opened up the most in me, that wouldn’t be possible if it wasn’t for the simplicity of the Desteni Tools, that has change my life in so many ways, to on longer being afraid to talk about things – that I am now a constant work in progress from day to day, and that’s why I have a lot to say, because writing Helps me to figure things out and so to me defined as, “The Must”.

Thanks for reading.

About carltontedford

In Process.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s