Day 742: When Seeing This Coming and Doing Something About It.

Where some don’t I will that motivates me to keep going, when all else fails and hell I live in it, with all the rest, who can’t seem to get any rest, meaning I can’t get no sleep when regressing back into the old me I used to be, frustrated at the awareness I now have, telling ourselves did I really want to see this, when all else seems to enjoy living in ignorance is bliss of the past, that nowadays (to us) is but a passing fad, that won’t fade away quickly, comparing ourselves to a past space and time in the same place we’re in now that doesn’t work out too well, so we rebel to no avail, to in the long run have to start all over again, while creating the walk through this perpetual hell.

Excuse driven, that there must be something I missed from my past that’s driving me to come back to it, when taking out of context the scripture; “Investigate all things and keep that which is good”, adding on to the expounding idea of, following my weaknesses thinking that they’re my strengths, and exposing my strengths believing that they’re my weaknesses, that’s in reverse, and just so maybe I’ll get a bit of sympathy, when thinking I should have taken the blue pill first.

Disregarding the drive that started us out on this Journey, inquisitive and full of ambition in the seeking of what’s really going on, and when the truth of things smacked us in the face, we let it sink in, to become it in fact, guided by the stories of how time was created that made sense to us when all else failed to, claiming ‘this resonates with me’, ‘let me learn the lingo and talk about it’, to see if this could catapult me straight into change, then along came self-forgiveness that had always been there, but experienced a hesitation when realizing more work had to be done, and within a momentary pause we weighted out our options, but continued on to not be seen as a quitter, and pushed back quietly with the lingo we spoke and slowly started to stop being the first one’s to speak, to just agreeing with what’s being said, because this truth is really the truth and now I’m seeing that I’ve created this for myself.

As the red pill dissolved and I started investigating myself, it was hard for me to face what I was seeing in me, but kept on going and corrected many points, until the consequences started taking a toll on me, but held back the reaction and stood stable for a while but became too comfortable living within the stability I was in, too comfortable in a sense of thinking I had it all figured out, which created a monotony as my daily routine of things.

I didn’t see where this was headed, to getting the big head on my own, to not being able to see or stand when new things were being shown to me. It’s like I had encapsulated myself into a mirrored dimension, unable to grasp onto any new points of correction, that was so carefully placed, by those who see more than me, that had walked this path before me, as a gift waiting to be unwrapped and put on ready to fit, for any interest I have and don’t see my way out of, but veiled it with the Idea that I know what I’m doing, and later on couldn’t face the fact that I didn’t know s***, and so became too proud to say all of this to all, and excommunicated myself on to something else. Like Wow…

Easily unseen and often times Not corrected, we lose sight of the progress we’ve made over the last so many year or so, what tends to happen is a few things, where I could see a disbelief start to form in the mind of an unbeliever, because I’ve experience the same thoughts of ‘What’s the use’ and wanting to take what I’ve learned and use it the wrong way, to get my way/chance to experience a great life, then start believing I can, but within that belief, lacks the consideration for all those who don’t/didn’t have the opportunity we have/had to realize a different way, so it simply won’t work, but yet and still we choose to run away and seclude ourselves, with our backs turned in the corner trying out our little tricks, that only treats the mind. To me it’s not worth given up my point, position and placement of progress in my process, period.

The overwhelming affect of being defined by friends all our lives, plays a major roll in whether or not we stick with what we choose to do or not do any longer, in our life of survival, where because of a moment of being overzealous and blabbing our mouths about what we were shown to see then realized as us, to others in our world, we lost a lot of friends, so when the next one comes we choose to say nothing that somehow lessen our participation, to keep this person around, but leaves a bad taste in one’s mouth, as I have experienced and found myself rushing back to my process again, but yet and still if not careful, it was said that the Ego will take it’s revenge, but I choose to no longer go where the Energy Go, but to face everything that I’m seeing and experiencing as the consequences of me and come out on the other side all the better for it, but boy it’s a lot. Lol.

Thanks for reading.


About carltontedford

In Process.
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