Day 735: Mercy Me!

When certainly I’ve come to a fork in the road in my life, that requires my immediate attention and suspension to a past life I held so dear, that’s now clear to me that ‘the things falling apart was not done within my stand of responsibility, but decisions made in compromise and consequence and so created a house of cards built on sand… doomed to fail’, as I hear that makes sense to me, when once living a suspenseful life, and convinced myself what I was doing was right, that it was just my time to be in the lime light and shine, but the light bulb must have had a short in it.

A hard pill to swallow when thinking your off track, then start paying attention to everyone but me, and never gave a thought to what the future would hold, if I but only paid attention to me. I mean where am I in this equation, when the earth quakes a shaken to waken me from who I once was, in the decisions I made, and I have to now face, that I once swept under the rug, but wait…

This can’t be just it, when the possible seems impossible and hollow, while looking at the possibilities in contemplation, as a constipation of thoughts keep circling around in my mind, telling me WTF are you going to do now.

For a period of time now I’ve been walking my process from consciousness to awareness, where I have been given the tools to deconstruct myself and my past, to be reconstructed into who I really am as life, which is a ‘being’ doing that which is best for all life, where what that means is, in order to have a substantial/sustainable life, one must first walk through the consequences one has created for oneself in one’s past that’s now at the forefront of responsibility taken, to reach each one’s utmost potential, the potential that each one has as part guardian of this planet earth/world/universe and existence as a whole, which is much more than just the thoughts going through our minds about how rough of a time we’re having.

But sadly enough when getting to this point of having to take self-responsibility we scream ‘mercy me’ and want to give up, right at the point of a break through, where if we only hold on and take that next step, would walk through to transcendence the point at hand, and was told ‘as much as the old life is falling apart and coming to an end, the new self being created is only beginning now and will have to stand as and by that and manifest/ create a life with and from more grounded self-principle = a house built on solid rock.

So here I stand, going through what I am, but keeping true to me, in looking ahead and not at the falling apart of the past, that would in fact be me showing Mercy to myself, to dwell in the Here and Now of correction and change, no matter how hard it may seem and getting to a point of maintaining my house of self, that’s built on a solid foundation of rock, (As a Flint Stone). I am a work in progress and will keep walking.

Thanks for reading.

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About carltontedford

In Process.
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2 Responses to Day 735: Mercy Me!

  1. mijn reis naar leven says:

    Cool blog! I can relate. I was there last december; everything that I always realy wanted as a child and that I have tried to accomplish in my life, came to an end. I thought; ‘now what?’ Within a month I got the chance to go in a direction that leads me to more (self) development and opportunities and what I see now, it fits me better than the things I tried and wish for all my life. Interestingly enough, where I am now was what I held the most resistance towards in my life but I am now enjoying the most!

    Miranda

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