Day 734: Suppressed Emotion

Growing up we where taught, what comes up, shove it back down and pray to God that it goes away, such as suppressed anger, an unseen danger that if not dealt with correctly could cause cancer, an answer to shaking up the systems inside, that assist the body (believe it or not) to get itself right, because by our own hands do we deteriorate ourselves, with emotions, such as inferiority, believing that we’re less than, some unknown entity out there somewhere, that has all the answers while we’re stuck with prayer, the begging and pleading for reasoning as to why things are messed up, then get up thinking that we have all the answer, while suppressing the chance to see that I’m it.

To me, the expression; “You don’t want to let the Tiger out the cage”, is an idiom for suppressed emotions, where one has accumulated pent up energy to the point of it getting ready to overflow, and once at the tipping point, the bars on the cage gives way and the Tiger comes out (per se), enraged ready to abuse anyone in its path in the moment, until it reacclimates itself to its surrounding and get used to the lifted restrictions, and missed out on freedoms that was taken away, during moments of being suppressed, that has now since changed.

We vest the idea of holding things in close to our chest and walk around all tensed up with a smile on our face, to stop one from crying and falling from grace, because lying to oneself really hurts and take place in the moment of feeling helpless and needing a safe space, to let it all out and feel calm again, to wanting to blame the game for the way that we’re playing it, instead of being ashamed of the way that we’re living, but spin it as the justification to suppressing our emotions.

When hard times is upon us, we cower in fear, that makes it hard to see things clear, and uncertainty that’s certainly the mercy of emotions, stating ‘I really don’t know what to do’, in the moment of suppressing the doubt and anguish, that came up when feeling I’m being overwhelmed, with things falling apart or may be falling apart, which is a mean thing to do with one’s own heart, and start having chest pains from playing chest games with one’s mind, body and beingness all the same, in the scheme of things we dream for things to be right, instead of seeking self-correction as a form of art, and part ways with the idea of suppressing emotion and potion our self with a dose of reality.

Fallacy, I fall to see what happens to me, that’s a lie there, powerless, suppressing the stand, for a moment to blend back in with the past and how I have suppressed the same things back then and never corrected but ejected myself from it, to sum it all up I’m still doing the same s***, but this time won’t miss the opportunity to change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think suppression is a form of correction, instead of a form of hiding my reactions to the problems I face. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to instead of facing the problem head on, react to them then hide behind the suppression thereof. I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that suppressed emotions are a layaway of accumulated consequences coming to a boiling point. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accumulate consequences for me to walk though, by suppressing my emotions, as pent up energy that has become harmful to my physical body. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to cause pain onto and within my physical body, by holding things in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have became angry at something or someone and suppressed it time and time again, since I was a youth, where this anger was the belief/idea that I was helpless and so powerless to do anything about what I was going through and so held my tongue on many things, instead of inquiring/asking why am I experiencing what I was and am, that has now come to a point in my life, when faced with real life problems as an adult, of limitation, and so still experience this helplessness and blaming those in my past for not giving me the opportunity to voice/express myself when the power was all mine and still is now, therefore;

When and as I see myself going into suppressing the emotion of anger, to feeling Helpless and Powerless in the belief that I must feel sorry for myself – that’s its not my fault for what the “Universe” has thrown at me, and so blame something/someone out there that I can’t see, and those of my past and Nowadays for what I Now experience as me, I stop and breathe. I see/realize/understand the Universe of me, as me, Is me – that I am the “I” that has the power to reverse this infection of Helplessness to being Helpful towards myself and live the words ‘Compassionate to me’, Now and in moments to come, and so onward from there, to when and as I think that I’m Powerless to do anything about something I’m facing, I stop and I breathe, then have a look at my hands and my feet, to realize the capability of movement within them, to then move myself to maximum capacity to correct myself and change the situation I’m in and so change from Suppressing Emotions to Progressing within my Process.

Thanks for reading.

About carltontedford

In Process.
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