The search for something to do, or someone to talk to, when you find yourself faced with a moment of down time or silence that’s defying, the all of a sudden you get a notification on your phone that someone texted you or emailed you, then perk to the notice but take our time getting to it, savoring the energetic moment, that I have some business/someone is attending to me, but feel the need to present myself as not available at the time, for a short while, to not be seen as having nothing to do, or desperate for interaction, which gives me time to think about what to say, that so replace the real me, with an opportunity in a real time moment to shine through and be who I really am, in some cases.
But in others, the destitute of silence is well need in the midst of a day full of mayhem and too busy to respond, then get to it, just to find the favor returned ten-fold by the party that reached out, that now states in so many ways, I was busy too, as a mild version of conflict ensues in a game of Tit for Tat, that we decide to savor the moment despite of really having something to talk about.
The true self is always reviled in a short tempered spurt of judgement, that someone didn’t get back to me in the time I expected them to, and knew this could possibly happen, but disregard it in a moment of frustration, wanting to teach them a lesson, that only diminishes me and lessens the possibility of continuing a successful relationship with this person, no matter who it is, from a girl/boyfriend to our kids (for some), that has become a normal occurrence overlooked in our society, to savoring the moment and the energy within it.
Call it a time well spent, but spent on possibilities and hope, instead of a solidified standing with the person we’ve reach out to, that may have pressing things to attend to right now, so the moments that should be savored should be a savior of self, to stop and breathe and check in with self, to see if anything came up when someone reached out to you, where you decided to take your time in getting back to them, and now experience the residuals of it, to learning how to cope with what we’ve dished out, that’s a gout formulating on the legs of our existence, unable to stand with the self we’re in.
You made me feel, then fail to see, that the feeling was made by you not me, or vice versa depending on who reached out first, that’s a way to reverse what’s really going on, when looking at the big picture, I picture a cloud of smoke, as the sideshow we so often get dragged into, the “You”, “I’s” and “Buts”, that butt heads together, and cancel each other out when being together, and soon to fall apart, claiming you broke my heart, I mean this addiction to energy is like a form of art, that we smear all over the canvas of life, that stays abstract until we die, then wake up on the other side just to realize, I should have done things differently, but can’t see that clearly, because we’re too busy savoring the moment somehow, that’s bedded with pillowed pockets of energy that’s comfortably placed, to stay within the comfortability of it to not have to face, the little things we do that can become drawn and spread out, that quickly turns south when the correction is not made.
But hey it’s just a conversation that needs no extra additives or energy that accumulates when trying to be passive or feeling the need to be pacified, to reach the point of satisfaction, when the time one waits should be a moment of introspection, to see if I have done all that I can, to correct myself and stand as who I am, before sabotaging myself, then reach out without any doubt or expectations, that they will soon get back to me. Where the correction would be;
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to reach out to someone and expect them to get back to me in a timely manner, without realizing that a timely manner is not limited to just my idea of time, but also the time it takes for them to finish what they’re doing, that would be the consideration of them and what they are busy doing, without going into my mind as a statement of self-interest, but a state of patience and introspection.
And on the other hand, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when someone has gotten back to me after the time I expected them to, savored the moment in spite of them, that showed lack of consideration on my part, thinking that I was teaching them a lesson or some s***, instead of realizing how I was subtly sabotaging my relationship with them, and so left it at that, without any correction, but projected into manifestation the same to be done unto me.
And so on and so forth, being that most of us for most part have participated in such mind games with ourselves, people/friends/family member and others in our worlds, without looking to correct this pattern we have embedded within and as us, so instead of savoring the moment in spite of, save yourself with moments of introspection.
Thanks for reading.