Day 728 The Hardness of my Resolve

Just because one has chosen to take responsibility for one’s own Self, interpersonal relationships and problems in one’s world, in figuring things out for oneself and then sharing it with the world, doesn’t mean that one has lost their edge, (become soft to the plight of the system), as the system we still live in takes a level of hardness to maintain ones ability to survive and function within it, where the nagging insinuations from others in our worlds may ‘come to a head’ at some point, which may not always be a test to your resolve, but a self-honest assessment, to action taken so you won’t get caught out there, trying to share your realizations, that don’t sit well with those who don’t really give a s*** about you, where the divulging of sensitive/compromising information may get you probation or better yet locked up or hurt, so the awareness Here, is in remembering how the system really works.

We tend to judge each other by the words we speak, but don’t give two s***’s about the words we speak and think “I would never put myself out there like that, in being vulnerable and exposing myself like that, but who’s keeping tabs when a bat can’t see, but use a radar to think what others may think, (as an analogy to how us human can’t see, to correct ourselves to be all we can be) but would rather try taking advantage of those correcting themselves, then would end up asking the same ones for help, and expecting it to come when they need it right now, that won’t come until you help yourself somehow.

I mean how can an advantage be taken if it’s given away, in the midst of a misunderstanding and then say, I misunderstood you, when checked on your words, where this level of hardness may seem absurd, and words can hurt if you don’t live by them, I’ve tried it out for myself, then looked for a way to hide the fact the I was advanced in the art of bullshit, and thought that what I knew was all there is and was, then learned the word ‘Because’ and used it as an excuse and justification clause, to stand by my guns that always shot blanks, because when shit hit the fan I chose to faint, back into the minds memory bank, drowning in shame until I decided to change, but my level of hardness is still the same.

The hardness I now speak about is the standing as my resolve, meaning ”From here no further” will I continue to fall or fail in the things that I do, or continue to be gullible to the plight of you, it takes more than just balls to correct yourself, so “From here no further” will I disregarding myself or disregard my life and mental wellbeing, to take charge of my life in a world that’s mean, where correction and change is widely unseen, but to stand as that only one thing, that I know that will get me through it all as all, and that’s the “Hardness of my Resolve”.

Hardness should be and expression of you, that should have nothing to do with hurting others, as you.

Thanks for reading.

Desteni.org

About carltontedford

In Process.
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