Day 722: Feel the Need to be Pacified

Pass me the satisfaction, of telling me that what I’m doing is right and that everything will be ok, that passes the time by for me to wait until I get to the next energetic experience, then I’m fine to pacify myself with the fix I’m on, instead of fixing what’s wrong as the matter of me that’s fractured, that I don’t see, but walk around in acceptance of a limp mind that makes me slump when this energy is not present, as I no longer revert to the “Thumb Sucking” effect that once pacified me, when tasting and exploring pieces of myself, that I was then seeing as a baby, but now have spread pieces of me all over my reality and can’t find the self that I’m looking for, because it’s veiled by the characters I’ve created and come to adore as me.

But even realizing all that, what can I do in the moment of a panic attack and confusion, when losing myself in a web of emotions, within a feeling of disempowerment and victimization, I mean all this commotion is going on inside of me, and slowly but surely coming closer to breaking a part of me off into somebody else’s world in conflict, as an extreme case that we let replace the common sense of things, and so look to be pacified.

I mean why do we believe that we can’t do for ourselves what others can do for us, outside of showing us the
learning curve of a point we’re walking that’s been faced by them, without pacifying our reaction within it and want validation for it, where the more we see our fault in the matter the more we ignore it and feel sore when we’re not pacified.

So, what brought this topic on is waking up a voice mail from an old friend in my past, that I hadn’t seen for years, that reached out to me recently, and in the message was this quote he said;

A student said to the chief monk, “Help me to pacify my mind!”

The chief monk said, “Bring your mind over here and I will pacify it.”

The student said, “But I don’t know where my mind is!”

The monk replied, “Then I have already pacified it.”

What I took from it is interesting how we accept the placebo effect of believing something has changed within us, after looking to be pacified for the current self-interested state we’re in and will accept any mumbo jumbo in the moment of desperation to satisfy and or validate the experience we’re in, and so see how being pacified is but another way we abdicate our self-responsibility for being sloppy in what we do, and so do what we can to continue suppressing it.

And being that I hadn’t heard this friend speak in such a way, I also took it as them wanting their mind pacified, and so proceeded (through txt message) to explain to them how “The mind is only a terrible thing to waste if we continue to separate ourselves from it, so the pacification of it, is the realization that yes I do have a mind, but what comes up within it is not who I really am/not what I always want to think, but you do, I do, we do have the power to direct and change it (our minds) through accepting the way we feel in moments like these, but snapping ourselves right back out of it, by telling our minds; “Hey wait a minute I’m in control of the experience of me”… and so on and so forth, that’s sort of a watered down version from the process and tools I’ve come to know and walk with, being that this person is in their own location position placement in their process, I didn’t want to overwhelm them at this point with how I have gotten to the point I’m at in my process, unless they ask. So later on, in the day I received a call back from this person, stating; “Awe man that’s exactly what I needed at this time” for what they’re going through, and told me the next time they see me they’ll fill me in on what’s going on in their world, and left it at that.

I mean this process has done wonders for me thus far, knowing that it’s a continuous thing and without it, I too would still be looking to be pacified with mumbo jumbo and accept it as my status quo, but again, not saying that I’m more or less than anyone, but see myself equal to all, and having been in the same position I was assisted to see a corrected way out of, and so if the words I write and live can assist other as they do me, then so be it, because it helps me more along my journey to life.

Thanks for reading.

About carltontedford

In Process.
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1 Response to Day 722: Feel the Need to be Pacified

  1. Pingback: Day 730: Savoring the Moment | Carlton's 7 Year Journey to Life

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