Day 716: A Quitting Perspective

The belief that it’s quite a lot, when one should just be quiet and listen to see what oneself is showing and telling you/me that we see and experience the overwhelming effects of, what it is that we quickly choose to ignore when finding ourselves deep within the consequence phase of a problem we’ve created for ourselves, when all seemed to be going so well just a few months ago, I mean I was on the “right track”, but didn’t realize the energy that was accumulating, that I derived from the perceived point of being on this “right track”, that left me clinging onto a positive feeling, accessing the “Jazzed Character” of expecting this happy go luck feeling to always be with me, and so when it start diminishing, I accessed old memories to bring it back alive, and time and time again found myself sinking into lower lows and lower highs, until the dawn of belief that I was ok and settled for it, there as a fine medium between a rock and a hard place, waiting to be bailed out by the next energetic experience.

A game of Quidditch I was playing in my mind, in chasing after/catching and harnessing any next energy experience I could hold onto for a while, to be shown and given praise as points for being on this “right track” of sorts, that was now veering away from what I had come to see and realize about myself in past moments of self-discovery and realizations, that I coveted within myself, which suppressed the expression of who I realized myself to be, as the real me in those past moment of interaction with others I’ve come to meet and know in my world.

Quitting is not an option, but an opinionated assumption, when saying; “F*** this, I didn’t sign up for this s***”, when something had to give, that gives way to exposing who we have become, to birthing oneself into life from the physical, that’s widely shunned upon, because our mind holds “too much weight” (Power) over the physical, that we continue accepting and allowing with the belief that we are too powerless to do anything about it, and would rather chase after the power that money brings in spite of knowing and seeing the superficiality within it, that eventually drains ourselves dry from any resolve within any point we’re facing and so feel it as a need to give up and/or Quit.

But momma didn’t raise no quitter within me, so if it’s facing me that I have to do, so be IT, I-Think, I-Talk, I-Transcend it, with all the additives in between, nowadays i.e. Self-Forgiveness, but stemming from the first fall I had in childhood and wanting someone to pick me up, to getting up on my own and standing on my own two feet, to then facing the mind point of relationships and giving up on one another, saying that you play to rough, to roughing it on my own, in a mind that’s telling me that I’m different than other, to believing the difference between you and me is that you go down on a losing team, and so quit most things that was perceive as challenging to me, such as hard math and studying sessions, but still Self wasn’t in the equation at that point, but has always been there waiting for me to step up to the helm and direct my life, so as the chance came I did it, but didn’t’ realize the extensiveness involved, and stuck with it and still with it, hence I’m writing this, but at times the Chime of Quitting still comes up in the backdrop of my mind that can be a bit irritating, that taints one’s perception in a moment of moving forward, but onward I continue moving into more investigation.

Then you have “I Tried” that leads to a casualty of circumstance, that circumvents any stance one has made/attempted to make in one’s life, that validates to oneself the point of quitting/giving up, I mean what’s the meaning of all of this, when this is me, you, us thinking to give up on life that’s not possible, because life is the only constant that remains whether we’re in it or not, the flesh that shells the skeleton structure which allows you to move around in it, and grow a certain height according to your genes, that’s seen as a vessel within the slim vision of a mind we fine as a hard thing to let go of, and so the chemical reaction to a reaction of painting ourselves into a corner, shows a picture that’s bleak, until we feel sick about it and want to quit.

But on the other hand quitting is what we do, when taking responsibility for feel blue and worthless, meaning it worth it to stop an addiction when realizing that it’s bad for you, but for most hard to realize our addiction to the thoughts that comes up in our mind, that perpetuates a level of ignorance into experiencing ignorance is bliss, but when having a grip on what’s going on inside oneself/life and life as a whole, one is able to see the programming one exist as, and the dumbing down effect has no hold on you, for what it is, which makes quitting just a tense moment within a thought one needs to walk into correction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become irritated when the idea, thought of quitting comes up within and as me, during times throughout walking my process and consequences that I’m facing, knowing that I have gotten thus far with nowhere to give up and/or quit back to, seeing this point of resistance to change as something solid to walk through, but accepting this chime of quitting as an old memory that resurfaced but will soon fade, that still needs to be dealt with.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand how quitting is but a momentary reaction to painting myself into a corner in frustration to what I’ve gotten myself into, that, would inevitably end as a fading thought once corrected.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse the resolve of changing me in a moment of elapse judgement towards myself that I excused as making me irritated, that I didn’t want to hear or see what Self was showing and telling me.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize the fascination within the word quitting which is quite a lot, being a quiet whisper that’s loud enough to make you change your stance, where on one hand; giving up on what seems to be to much to comprehend, to comprehending things about yourself, but not wanting to change them, to learning, observing and seeing how any form of addiction is bad for me and the affects this may have on me, to stopping things cold turkey, because I want to live, but what’s living when Life haven’t been realized, to becoming life after all, because, from here no further will I accept and allowed myself to give up on me in thought/word and deed, but instead to take heed to what the word is showing me, that at every turn of it, there is an addiction present, therefore when quitting comes up means; One should look at the addiction one is in, so

I commit myself to redefine the word Quitting from that of the aforementioned into; Looking at the addiction to what it is that I am resistant to facing in the moment and so feel hopeless/helpless and powerless about, to recharging/empower myself with the first step I take into/towards changing my stance and correcting this addiction, because Quitting = Addiction Present.

Thanks for reading.

About carltontedford

In Process.
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2 Responses to Day 716: A Quitting Perspective

  1. mijn reis naar leven says:

    Yes, thank you for sharing.

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