Day 708: Redefining Satisfied

Contentment as limitation in sticking with what has been my normal way of doing things throughout my life, where I would so easily grab onto something new, and/or something I was given and hold on to it with a tight grip, (so to speak) with the words coming up in the back of my mind, “Be satisfied with what you got”, that stuck with me as a limiting factor to not advance any further than what was afforded to me and so stay within my means, meaning to be happy with the way things were in my life, which left no room for Expanding/Growing/Developing myself to reach my utmost potential, simply because I was satisfied with the status quo of who I was, what I came to know and so talk about.

That I still see nowadays poking at me, when walking certain points in my life, while walking my process, where, I find myself becoming satisfied with just scratching the surface of the point, only peeling off the top layer that’s in my face and leaving the root cause in place, thinking I did enough, because the initial pain I experienced on such point is now gone, without realizing that with the roots still in place, the same point as the same problem will continue resurfacing for me to face, over and over again until I correct it in its entirety, and so within this instance I have defined Satisfied as; “Becoming content with being comfortable, as I Sat there confiding in my mind”, believing that I was at the pinnacle of understanding me, but far from it.

I’ve became easily satisfied, when starving myself from interacting with others throughout my life, which I realize is not healthy, and so when starting to interact again, I have found myself going back into old characters once perpetuated in past interaction with others, that I now look at, then say to myself; “Hold on, this is not who I am”, only after the fact, thus defining Satisfied as; a point of Character Perpetuation when receiving attention from others during a moment of interacting with them.

I find that I’ve become extremely satisfied throughout my life, when told you’re doing a good job/have done a good job with certain things, and so became a praise seeker, where I have create the point of praise into a moment of inspiration and motivation, which changed my motive of being inspired to a point of desire and desperation, and so have also defined Satisfied as; “A point to attain, by the way of seeking praise”, which is an energy fix to say the least.

As a Positive, I have defined Satisfied as a Positively Charged Energy Rush, in believing this feeling would last forever, but then short lived when in a whim of a moment, my thoughts change to having had enough of it, to wanting to be alone again.

As a Negative, what comes up is the point of Blame or a Realization, when hearing from someone and/or saying to someone; “See what you did, are you Satisfied now”, to accepting the my-fault aspect when it’s not our fault and/or Realizing that it is our fault, which should then bring up the point of correction.

What also comes up (for me), when looking at the word Satisfied is the word “Enough”, which can be Positive in the sense of being dissatisfied with what’s going on in my life, and so say ‘enough is enough’, but Negative in the sense of being overwhelmed with what I’m experiencing and so believe and say “I’ve had enough”, then return to the Satisfaction of being oblivious to the pain I experience, as the point of giving up, with Nowhere to give up to.

In essence (For Me) being Satisfied has been a moment to moment point of temporary contentment, going from one energetic experience to the next, from a positive high to a negative low and back to high again, while being in neutral, waiting for this ride to stop, without realizing my ability to stop it, and so now take responsibility for it as a point of Correction and Redefinition.

Definition

satisfied: [sat-is-fahyd] adjective
1. content:
a satisfied look.
2. completely paid, as a bill.
3. convinced, as in an argument:
Their opponents were finally satisfied.

Sounding of the Word

Sat-is-fine, (abdicate my responsibility to not change my self-positioning placement/stay within the funk)
Status-Fine, (belief that a Character State is who I am and so ok)
Sad-is-fine, (in accepting an emotional state as who I am)
Sit and confide, (as in confiding in one’s mind that I’m ok with what I got, where I am and who I am in the moment and content)
Stand and Defy (as to relinquish the comfortability of sitting and waiting, but facing and walking through any and all resistance hanging over my head, until I have done all I can to change this world, starting with me, will I be Satisfied).

Self-Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have been Satisfied with the status quo of who I was throughout my life, in character playouts, that I used as a point of contentment, to stay within the bounds of what I had/was given and was taught to know and so lived by, which limited me from expanding growing, developing myself to reach my utmost potential, that I still see at times rising up from within and as me, walking my process, placing limitations above investigation at times, staying within a point of neutrality, instead of brutal self-honesty, that there’s more to being just Satisfied to realize, and so calls for a Redefinition.

Creative Writing

A fine line to not see pass the vines of time, to have a look at what’s really going on in my world and minds, outside the limitations of contentment, to resenting my own self-positioning placement of staying within the energy of the moment i.e. (the funk), because I was satisfied with the energy based experiences I was having, positive and negative, that plus and minus me through polarity, while scarily staying within the neutrality of things, sitting and confiding in my mind, telling me that ‘everything is fine, and you just stay right there in the sadness of blame because it’s not your fault, it’s just who you are’, so be satisfied with who you are and the status you have or else, I’ll take it away from you, to thinking this may be all there is, while pushing up against the point of giving up, then STOP, to standing up and defying all odd, because I’m tired of sitting around waiting and have become too comfortable with pacing back and for, scraping the floor with the heels of my shoe trying to find a break through, because the point of being Satisfied as I have defined it is Not good enough and so enough is enough. Therefore;

Redefinition

I hereby redefine Satisfied to the continuous Standing and Defying all odds as the point of comfort within pockets of resistance, to keeping my head up when told that I’m limited, knowing and becoming the expression of walking through it, until I’ve reached my utmost potential and accelerated my process to being a living example of having given all that I can = will I be “Satisfied”.

About carltontedford

In Process.
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