Day 706: A Victimizing Perspective

Interesting the dynamic when thinking/believing that the way we are and what we’ve experienced throughout our life is because of someone else, what someone else have done onto us, which in turn spawns the hatefulness and anger we have towards them, which is really at ourselves for picking and choosing the situations we’ve put ourselves in, and later on tell ourselves things like, why am I always choosing the wrong guy or girl to be with, I mean it’s like I’m always attracted to the thug and/or gold digger, and after that’s finish, go into the next relationship or dating situation, with the story to tell, that every guy or girl we’ve been with treated us wrong and now want a fresh start with someone new, not realizing that the person you was with, is out doing/saying the same things that didn’t work out for them either.

Where the gullibility of the person accepting this flattery, (if things initially work out), will turn into becoming an actual victim in fact, being that the calling cards was already laid out for us on the table, that we didn’t choose to see at the time, that; “I am apt to playing victim and will blame You when things go south”, that’s veiled mostly by the way the person looks. And or a ‘resume given that I did this, that and the other for them, that then sits in our minds, of the same being done for us that never will be, because this is just mumbo jumbo coming from a point of victimization of the person we’re attracted to.

So where is all of this coming from? Ok I started ease dropping in on a conversation, when hearing this person tell the other, (in what it seems as a dating situation) that every guy they’ve been with has treated them wrong, and to my surprise the other person stopped it immediately, by saying; “You need to drop the victimizing”, which shocked the other person who then said; “You don’t know what I’ve been through in my life” with a smile their face (showing their attraction to them still), then the other person smiled back and calmly said; “The victimizing you’re doing, not cool”, in so many words, which caught me off guard as I wasn’t expecting to hear that, and had a chuckle to myself, lol, then looked into my world where I have experienced the same, but didn’t say anything, because of the attraction as a distraction I assume to have for the other person.

This attraction in which I speak about is interesting to say the least, because, it stops us from really hearing what the other person is saying and/or if we did hear, don’t say anything about what they’re saying/have said, because that would most likely make it harder for our self-interest to come into fruition, so we think, instead of setting somewhat of a boundary from the get go, that certain things I will or will not accept and allow, then let the chips fall where they may, but in past situations as such I didn’t see things this way, that could have stopped me from going into (and creating) so many dead end relationships, or could have made the relationships I ended up being in better, because of the preliminary boundaries that I set.

What I realized is that when these boundaries are not set, it’s easier to fall into victimization, after the fact, because we accept certain things to happen within the relationship that then accumulates to the point of fearing to say anything at all, because now since our self-interest has been met, we attach ourselves to the energy behind it and so don’t want to lose it, until all is lost in the relationship, then claim that I’ve been treated wrong/taken advantage of, misused and it’s unfair, instead of how did I let this happen, to not repeat the same pattern again, when going into the next relationship.

Which takes us back to the beginning of going into the next relationship/potential relationship, victimizing ourselves, following the perpetual design of what we have created and continue to relive and replay over and over again, from an energetic high to an extreme low, blame and victimization and it don’t stop until we stop it, with the correction of;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept victimization from others when going into a relationship with them, because I let my attraction to them stop me from speaking up when I saw this point coming up, and only wanted my self-interest to be fulfilled, where within this acceptance, I then perpetuated the same victimization of blaming them when things didn’t go right within the relationship, afterward towards others I attempted to start a new relationship with, and continued perpetuating this same cycle over and over again throughout my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/perceive/believe that it’s easier to blame, instead of taking responsibility for accepting victimization in the first place.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to victimize myself/play the victim to get what I wanted, while in a relationship with other, because of accepting the definition of self, as a victim from the onset, from both parties involved, that was done in a tit for tat way, instead of stopping this madness, that would ultimately be the downfall within the relationship.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to speak up and stand up for what I will and will not accept and allow within any potential relationship, that’s at a dating point and/or initial conversation and something comes up, but instead let my addiction to wanting my self-interest to be fulfilled blind me from seeing and making the correct decision and correction when needed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have not been aware of subtle points like this coming up at the onset of any relationship I started/wanted to be in, to see that this victimizing point could/would also be the beginning of the end of the relationship as well. So;

When and as I see myself going into any relationship, where I see a point of victimization coming up, within the talk of another, I stop and breathe and speak up on what I’m seeing, to explain myself in so many words, of a detrimental outcome formulating, if said point is not realized and corrected, but in a nice way though, lol. I see/realize/understand that this often lead to becoming a self-defining point of any relationship, that’s unhealthy in every way, and so commit myself to establishing who I am/what I will and will not accept and allow within myself first, before going into any relationship. And that way one is clear on ones starting point, outside the initial attraction point which is cool, but shouldn’t stop us from speaking up when needed.

So this was an interesting, but cool realization to see and hear, coming from others who are in their own location position placement, walking their own process, that assisted me to look at different ways we all have sabotage our relationships without realizing it, through perpetuating and accepting the point of victimization coming from ourselves and/or others in our lives, that could have been stopped/avoided from the onset, by simply “Speaking up”. (Because saying the word boundary really, is too revered by most and should be looked at and redefined), So in post to come, I’ll open up the word boundary to see how I saw/see and have lived this word.

Thanks for reading.


About carltontedford

In Process.
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