Day 699: Is This Me pt. 2

As the question never asked, when stuck in a mind possession, a space of forced certainty when uncertainty is present, believing that I have the right to be right about what I’ seeing, because I’m seeing it, without considering we create what we want to see, and believe it to be real, and that’s just who I am and that’s just how I feel, it’s me, I mean really, and for so long this has been the way I’ve created my world as a reactive one, reacting to what everyone else does, as if it was Me, but it’s not and never will be, when you look at it, and in fact when others comes up in our minds, we tend to push the real Me’s aside, like collapsing our own spine, to give way for the puppeteer that’s been stringing us along, which in fact is placing me in my own zone of limitation and doubt and hopelessness, the route we so often take with no way out, and into making more mistakes, because this me that I’m perpetuating is not real but fake, that I done Feng swayed and placed in place of the real Me, that’s been locked away, until I started to see, what the hell I was doing to myself.

But even then the attachment of what has been, I still connect to the word Me, like when seeing the word Me, I think of the minds me of self-interest, which is interesting, because of the separation I held within it , against everyone else, like it’s me against the world, instead of seeing the world as me and me as the world, know that we are the world that we’ve created to live in, in the way it exist today that makes no sense, by the Me’s we’ve characterized and played out to the fullest, to losing sight of the real Me while acting bullish, which is all an act, but where am I in fact, meaning I created this me as merely an act.

Then when reading “Let talk about Me”, I assume that it’s about everyone else instead of me, in which case I forgot to see the We that consist of, partly me, but have trapped myself within a few degrees of separation, entitled “The Belittlement of self, the Belittlement of Me with no Value left”, like I don’t even exist, (and BTW thanks for the assistance), to showing the world Yes, I’m part of this existence too, I count, and I matter in this world with you, and that was me then before and this is Me Now after. As I continue correcting my past disastrous Me’s, I’ve rationalize to myself as a ration of lies I’ve patronized within myself and followed around by myself, I did this to me, but now taking responsibility, that’s unheard of, but this is now Me

Another me I perpetuated is; “Who did that” and answered that’s all me, the seeker of praise character, that’s so diminishing, that would do just about anything to get my head pumped up, with all this stuff, stating, I am the s***, which was true in essence because of the bullshit I spewed, out of my mouth and onto you, you and them, trying to make a friend, instead of befriending the Me that I really am, I mean this is a deep seeded problem most all exist as, with the lying to ourselves, thinking it’ll soon pass, and I’ll get over this stage without knowing how to correct it, then leave it as is without correcting it, to wondering who am I because this is all getting so complicated and draining me dry of all my energy I had, and it’s sad because the real Me’s is nowhere to be found, until one looks in the mirror, while pushing back the smoke clouds, to see clearly, Here you are. I mean, is this Me? With more to come, and thanks for reading.

To be continued…

About carltontedford

In Process.
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