Day 695: Who am I, in the Moment of Doing Things

More like where are we and what is our inspiration for doing the things we do, to what is it that we use (in essence) to keep ourselves grounded here and focused on what’s at hand, to who am I doing this for and why is it not for me, to am I always the starting point of what I chose to participate in or is it to appease others? Interestingly enough these are questions we don’t ask ourselves beforehand, before getting deep into doing things, participating within things, but would rather (unaware) follow an automated way of doing things, without considering the direction we’re taking is not by our own accord (although it feels like it), but by what’s been the way of the world for so long and as far back as we can remember, and so who am I in the moment of doing things is not considered.

What I’ve come to realize (with assistance) is that, it’s not necessarily the outcome of what were doing that counts, (although it do), but our participation within the process of doing it, for example, say one is having a conversation with someone, about any specific topic where, the ‘Who I am’ comes in investigating and looking at what thoughts are coming up within me, what reactions are coming up, if any to what’s being said/discussed and why am I allowing such thoughts/reactions to come up, where in the moment one can do self-forgiveness within oneself to stop this from happening and/or take a pause or step back from the conversation, in asking for a moment to clear oneself, but who does that, when the only thing that’s on one’s mind is getting one’s point across, which begs the question, is getting one’s point across more important than clearing and correcting oneself in the moment or before the moment to communicate effectively?

Obviously when it comes to work related projects and things, one’s starting point is that of survival, but within that, what may come up is a point of competition, of wanting to do better than your colleague or the person in the cubical next to you, in order to stand out and apart from the rest, in the bosses eye, which can still be achieved, by doing the best we can, without bringing the next person into it, that in a way takes away from the authentication of what we’re doing, that opens the door for missing things and mistakes made, with the extra of someone else being on our minds.

Then when you’re alone is where the real test comes in, even just around the house when doing random things, where who am I comes in when thinking about what’s going through my mind when cooking and cleaning, other than just cooking and cleaning, and it’s fascinating how our mind will bring up, certain things to think about in certain parts of our homes, that when in that specific area we may have specific thought about what’s now coming up, but when we leave that room it stops, then get to the next and a memory of being in that room resurface that’s accompanied by an old thought that came up before when previously being in there, and so on and so on.

Initially what I didn’t realize is that these old thoughts that’s being triggered by going into specific room in my house, is points being shown to me that may have underlying dimensions that I hadn’t looked at, in the initial moments of correction and doing self-forgiveness for them, that need to be looked at again and investigated deeper, but instead wondered why this was happening, into judging myself for it, instead of the continued correction of it, that altered who I really am, to who I had become in a moment of self-judgement.

I mean forgetting to let it go, is easier said than done, than should be the first thing done, in the sense of stopping the extra baggage before any correction can be taken, placing oneself in a position of changing the experience of me before and during, doing the things we do, that would show that who I am in the moment of doing things, is the expression of that in which what I am doing, at all times. Therefore, the correction would be;

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that who I am in the moment of doing things, is the expression of that in which what I am doing, but have rather disregard the investigation needed of the experience of me, in bringing up extra thoughts, memories and reactions to what I’m doing/participating in, from conversations, to projects at work, that could work out better for myself, if I let go of the judgement I hold towards myself, as resentment for becoming emotional in the midst of doing things, to correcting every aspect of what comes up within me, as these thoughts and reactions to standing in fact as the starting point of what I do and allow myself to participate in, as who I am as life.

And in doing so, one begins to take self-responsibility for our behavior when in the little moments of doing things, to doing things in awareness that I am Here/Present and focused on what’s at hand, before and in front of me, to doing the best that I can with efficiency and effectively.

Thanks for reading.


About carltontedford

In Process.
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