Day 692: When the Perception of “Nothing’s Wrong”, Bites you in the A**.

The outer shell of a character played oh so well, is but a veil to cover up what’s really going on, in our worlds and reality, that’s really a tight shoe fit away from having a blister of a time maintaining one’s sanity with a sound mind, that make sounds in the form of voices in our heads, telling us that everything is going to be alright and you’re fine, when we can’t find where we left our keys, and that’s just the tip of the iceberg, but let someone else look in on it from the outside, there’s nothing wrong.

Thing is, we then accept this “Nothing’s Wrong” concept that we’ve created for others to see and run with it, to the point of keeping everything bottled up within and as us, to not say nothing to no one, or ask for help, like look man, I’m really going through something right now and don’t know how to handle it, i.e. and sickness/flu or hard time of sort, or even short-term memory loss, while trying to be a good sport, when things are probably all bad, and it’s sad because nine time out of ten, the opportunity we had to reach out to someone who’ve notice and/or asked if we’re ok, we squander away with a simple smile on our face, then turn around in dismay, asking ourselves, ”Why didn’t I say something”.

And interesting how the compounding factor comes into play, where now that people assume that you fine and ok, start inviting you places and/or offering to do things with you, where you just can’t refuse now, because of the perception you’ve upheld, and by saying no would through a monkey wrench in your mojo, so as the point of interaction get closer and closer, we then feel the need to come up with some form of excuse to not go through with it, because we just physically can’t do it , but want to save face as much as we can, then after the fact, do the same thing again, until you get caught out there and have to tell the truth, and now everybody knows exactly what’s really wrong with you.

Point being we can only do what we can according to that we have and physically able to do in any given moment, but to present ourselves as if nothings wrong, only prolong what we’re going through, because we’ve fallen in love with the energy that come with this perception, I mean how long can we really hold up this mountain of an idea, especially now since we’re feeling that effects of this perpetuation in the form of pain onto our physical bodies.
I mean it’s a wonder how we really get through things, when making it hard on ourselves, by wanting to be seen as ok and stable, willing and able to do what we really can’t do at the time, but place ourselves between a rock and a hard place and fine that it’s a small space to fit, things is, if we don’t give a shit about what’s going on within and as us, not one else will know, and/or give a shit either, because we’ve decided to leave out the fine print of what we’re dealing with, and it hurts.

Therefore, the more we continue this self-created behavior, the more we stay the same, doing the same old things, playing the same old game, acting like I don’t know what you’re talking about, when going down the same old roads, saying the same old shit out of our mouths, with this same old perception of “Nothing Wrong”, that hasn’t gotten us anywhere within our lives, where one would think, it’s been time to stand up and reach out to the very ones we’re in fear of sharing ourselves with, that’s been there sharing themselves with us, so what makes us greater than them, saying to ourselves, I don’t want them to see me like this, but why perceive how they would be, when the best of us remains to be seen, I mean try it out, you might find that others are more acceptable to who you really are outside the façade we put up, that has taken us nowhere thus far. Was it worth it?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have held up the perception that nothing’s wrong, throughout my life, with the excuse that I’m strong enough and can handle things myself, which was really a cover up for not wanting others to see me within a moment or moments of vulnerability, in which case I’ve defined vulnerability as a point of judgement, in the belief that I would be judge by others, if they knew that I had things wrong with me too, instead of seeing/realizing I was in fact judging myself, without looking at the example they would give, by sharing themselves with me unconditionally, that I didn’t judge them, so why would it be the other way around, and found myself stuck on the same rut, time and time again, because of this, I have patronized within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have made it harder on myself at times to get through certain things and points of times throughout my life, by using this perceptual cover up technique, that has forever kept me limited as sheep to who I was, not getting to the point of experiencing and/or reaching the utmost potential of who I really am as life, all because of this shell of a thought I thought and perpetuate that nothing’s wrong and played out as a lullaby song in the back of my mind, that would put me to sleep, away from being Here and speaking on that in which I need assistance on at the time, then find myself feeling the effects of this slumber, where it’s time to wake up and realize that, yes we create the thunder in our life, but don’t need to lie to ourselves in disguise that everything’s ok, so the word play of the day is that it’s ok to reach out, and just don’t be scared to open your mouth, but speak about you son.

Thanks for reading.

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About carltontedford

In Process.
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