Day 681: Re-Memory

Like remember me, I’m still here, for every time we try and/or achieve being Here.

In the mine field of the mind, memories lie in wait to be awoken, brought up in an explosive manner when stepped on/thought about, in the midst of seeing and/or hearing something in our world and reality, when going throughout our day, where a spark or flash can trigger this mine to explode into a memory at any time and almost everytime, during our downtime, when not immediately focusing on something, hence the saying; “An Idle mind is the Devil’s playground” , but it’s the devil in us that’s playing in our own minds, afraid to let these memories go, in fear that we’ll lose ourselves, believing, this is who I am, and so, all that I have.

But not true, when realizing one’s self ability to stop things in our world, i.e. eating sweets, smoking cigarettes and so on, under the belief that these things are bad for us, for our body, and for some, we feel all better for doing so, stopping it, without once considering the memories we suppress/hold onto, is that which depletes our body unequivocally, equally or more so than the food we eat, then fall asleep to rejuvenate our minds into bringing up a memory from yesterday again today.

But hay whose keeping tabs but myself, when being dishonest with myself, that I felt or still feel a certain way, about these memories I still chose to replay over and over again and want them to stop, but keep reminding myself of them, non-stop, everytime I see something remotely close to anything in which this memory entails, I mean on the inside of me it’s a living hell, like an ocean swelling up, that then swallow me whole, I mean some of these memories just got to go, so I can move on with my life, as a factor of blame, when you should be ashamed of yourself.

In the sense of bringing it back to me, interesting how even within walking my process I experience seeing these memories coming up more ramped, connected and/or attached to a word said, or sign seen, physically when driven, sitting or listening to the public speak, that I then take and re-memory, if not careful, like the other day when doing something, I initially couldn’t help but to follow an old way of doing it, that would achieve the same outcome, but doing things this way is also compromising in so many ways, where the judge of the matter is ultimately me and I’m not trying to continue being the me that I used to be, therefore change is in order.

And self-honesty comes into play, I mean who’s directing who here, it doesn’t have to be this way, that everytime we chose to direct ourselves into doing something, a memory of the way we used to do things come up, therefore;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to everytime I go to do something bring up a memory of the way I used to do it and so follow suit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to bring up a re-memory and attach it to something that I saw and/or heard in my world, that was remotely close to what the memory entailed and so ended up reacting to it in a Positive way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to bring up a re-memory and attach it to something that I saw and/or heard in my world, that was remotely close to what the memory entailed and so ended up reacting to it in a Negative way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that these memories define who I am, that I allow to keep me trapped in the idealistic way of doing things from the past.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to let these past memories that comes up within and as me (as ways of doing things), go unconditionally, or else they wouldn’t come up at all, and so commit myself to seeing these re-memories as a gift to be walked through my correction process, corrected and let go of, so that I am able to experience things for the first time, without any collaboration of the mind, but as a part/piece of me. And this be my Self-Remembering.

Thanks for reading.

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About carltontedford

In Process.
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