Day 680: Noises, the Fear of, to Expression

Interesting how any noise can be a trigger for one to look, see, then think, and depending on the frequency and velocity/volume of the noise, will one go into a state of panic, which creates a pain in one’s neck, outside the neck jerking, head turning motion one perpetuates when experiencing a fright, as if to say who’s coming to get me, and if one lives alone, in some cases will ask the Air; “Is somebody there”, “Who out there”.

But commonly in one’s day to day, the sound of cars passing by, Airplanes flying overhead clicks/bangs and dings, places one within the space where the noise/sound is initiating from, in wonderment, as the next thought goes into thinking about how the sound/noise was created, and if a familiar sound, such as an Airplane, one then place oneself on the plane itself and or bringing up a past memory of when one last flew on an Airplane, which opens up a can of worm, (so to speak), in the mind to revisit the memory collective, which spawns a Positive or Negative reaction, all in a split moment/second, which is the time it takes to See-Consciousness, while not realizing what just really happen right there.

From a young age, I conditioned myself to not show any external reactions when hearing a loud noise, such as the Thunder and Lighting that would shake me to the bone, whenever we had a storm passing through the town I grew up in, and obviously the fear came from a point of not wanting to die because, I believed my life wasn’t in order, so NO I can’t die before I reached the good parts of life, I mean self-honestly, this was my actual thinking, so every time I would hear a loud noise/sound, I would become jumpy and/or even if someone would come up behind me and say BOO, lol, I was close to swinging on them, as the embarrassment set in, and I didn’t want people to see me like that, so I started practicing tightening my stomach during loud sound/noises, and thought that I was on to something, because now I didn’t react (externally) to them, but what I didn’t realize is how I was just suppressing the point of fear, and this suppression would stick with me throughout my life, where I started experiencing pain for holding in such reactions.

But interesting how within this suppression, I started making noises and sound, as if to explore different noises and quirks that would come up within and as me, so whenever I would hear a loud noise/sound, I would combat it with a noise/sound of my own, and did this for quite some time throughout my life, where the only thing I deemed good coming from it was being able to hear thing to add into the music I created, which was a point of suppressing the suppression, making for many suppressed point layered upon layer for me to have to face nowadays, walking my process.

Opening up my relationship to noises, I now realize how the noises and sounds that came out of me is/was a point of fear, that I projected into my world and reality in everything I did, and so lived a life in fear of noises and loud sounds, but not until I found Desteni and realize the Tools they presented actually works, in stopping this Fear/Suppression of fear I existed as when hearing loud noises and sound, that is the Tool of Self-Honesty, which is the actual recognition that I do have a problem with my reactions, then pointing it out to myself everytime they come up, then the Tool of Self-Forgiveness, where I then forgive myself for accepting and allowing such reaction to exist and come up within and as me as the point of fear, that is the initial release of such fear, then the Tool of Self-Corrective Application and Self-Commitment Statements, which is the point of; When and as I see myself (Self-Honesty) accepting and allowing myself to react in fear of loud noises and sounds, I first stop everything within me, and breathe, because I then realize that this fear is not who I am, and so commit myself to no longer accepting and allowing myself to accept this point of fear within myself, my world and reality, for starter, then walk/live the corrections, which would then make the Noises I hear and speak an expression of Me, that way when they come up within and as me, I know exactly what and what not to do, and more focus on the experience of me within the midst of it, then rinse and repeat, until one has completely transcended the fear of loud noises/sounds.

Thanks for reading.

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About carltontedford

In Process.
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