Day 674: A Past to Present Perspective

(In the Future Sense of Now):

The past is a pause on the present to perpetuate a preferred preference, idea of how we think things should have been, ‘if only I would have…” a statement of predisposition, in positioning ourselves in a precarious state or place of time looping and illusion, eluding the point of what’s Here right in front of us that needs to be looked at, handled, sorted out and corrected in real time, for real this time, to find that what’s Here, is in fact all that matters, where as a matter of fact the past is a blinding mechanism, stating that if you can only see me now, as if something would have changed between then and now if we could go back.

The realization is that nothing would have changed, I would have remained the same old pain in the side of other, doing the same old thing with pride, while hiding as much as I could, that I was in pain too, but who wants to go back to that, really, a feeling of disappointment, because I disassociated myself as a social misfit that missed my appointment with the Present/Here and Now, and now out there somewhere wondering how did I get here, which is there and not Here.

The horrific factor is a past that haunts you, but only if you haven’t correctly faced the faces you’ve made in and throughout the mirrors of time as each one’s mind, that each one designed for themselves and don’t want to let go of, because we created it, then say things like ‘”I want to remember you just the way you are”, (before time passes by) and/or “I wish this moment could last forever”, without realizing the demise we’re manifesting by stating these words, that’s spread and heard throughout existence, which contains an undercurrent of ‘the fear of loss’, because I know/think something is bound to happen, meaning I didn’t trust myself to live out a happy ending with you, because I don’t know myself, and so want to go back and do it again. The past.

I mean do we ever forget who we are and the people around us, or is it that we’ve allowed ourselves to be calcified with a trunk full of junk thoughts, carrying it around as the burdens we bare, until we’re barely able to stand up straight, because we DID NOT just let it all go, the Past, hanging on to one’s flesh like the stench of burnt grass, then step into a different atmosphere with a bag full of shame, because these people are not the same, and it’s not what I’m used to, so I’m nervous as fuck, but just my luck, I’m assisted and helped to see the doubting of self, that I’ve perpetuated for so long, that nothing’s wrong, it’s a New environment that’s New, with a changed life that I have to get used to, by using the tools of self-honesty and self-forgiveness, in stating, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to bring my past into the present when interacting with people I’ve physically met for the first time in my life, and expected things to be different, but the same as I remembered, that didn’t happen in this case/situation, where interaction is always a moment of create, after correcting my stance apart from, then with the group.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to time loop the past in my mind, of jumping through hoops to please someone, to telling myself to please stop, because this is not a circus, but how the whole world should live in a circle of harmony without harming the me that is you.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand the harm I am doing to myself, by holding onto the past, as if it was the key to life, which is the minds way of using spite to stop any forward progress from coming into fruition in my life, when I am Here. Therefore, the past should be but a stepping stone, to living a corrected future, with emphasis on correcting oneself Here in the Present, that would be a present I gift myself to opening up a promising future for me to experiencing the breakthrough that oh so needed in my life, that’s been looming in the distance, waiting for me to make a corrected decision, So, HERE I Stand. Learn how to move passed the Past and live in the Present HERE.

Thanks for reading.


About carltontedford

In Process.
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