Day 671: Focusing in Focus (Self-Forgiveness)

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to focus too much on focusing and fine myself looking for things to think about.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in a moment of silence look for things to think about, which comes up the most unforeseen and reactive thoughts, where I then suppress it and skim through applying self-forgiveness for it, instead of in specificity, thinking how could such thing still come up within and as me, to beating myself up over it, thinking that I’ve did something wrong.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have skimmed through applying self-forgiveness in specificity, during a moment of bring up the most foreseen and reactive thought, after achieving a moment of silence, in the attempt to get back to the focus I once had.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to bring up the most unforeseen though. After I’ve experienced a moment of silence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to momentarily lose focus on what I’m doing in moments, due to allowing myself to be distracted, by the things/people around me and what they’re doing, instead of breathing myself back into focus, to erase the blur of a sideshow going on in my mind and the vicinity I’m in.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize that to be here at all times takes practice to stop all infraction as created scenarios, imaginative ideal and thoughtful assumptions, through constant breathing and applying self-forgiveness in specificity, to obtain complete focus/awareness on what’s at hand for me, in moment throughout my day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined focus as something to attain to, out there, where I would then say; “Man I got to focus”, then focus too much on focusing and so lose track/focus on what I’m doing in the moment, at times.

I forgve myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed mself to see the Equality within myself as the focus that is me, standing Equal to and One with the word focus in itself.

And so here what I realized I would face would be the point of thinking/focusing too much about/on the word focus in itself, that would take me away from being here, and so have come up with all sorts of ways, methods and means, with trying to achieve this focus, from yelling at myself, to calling myself names, to concentrating real hard on one thing, to the point of giving myself a headache, that none of these methods were ever effective enough as solutions, no matter how much I would try and use them, therefore what had to give was the energy, I’ve placed in the word focus in itself, the chase there after and straining my brain, to the point of disaster and end up walking away from the mistake I made, to stopping everything as a momentary freeze in space and time to see if/when there’s nothing else moving/coming up, within and as me, and then exhaling myself from the blurred reactions I’m having, back into focusing, and so remain focusing in focus.

Thanks for reading.

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About carltontedford

In Process.
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