Day 625: “Y”

This “Process” that I’m walking with words is to “Purify” my vocabulary, by taking a few of the most “Prolific” words that I use, describe how I have used them, and correcting if needed the context in which I use them, by going through the Alphabet from “A” to “Z”.

If “You” took the letter “Y” as a question, it would be as if every word ending with the letter “Y”, states the definition of the word then the “Y”, asking the question why this or that, which is a different way of looking at the words we speak ending the letter “Y”, where one would then ask self the question, “Why did I just use and/or say this/that word”. Take the word conspiracy for instance, being that the definition is pretty much self-explanatory, but then the “Y” comes in, asking the question, why am I conspiring, opening up the door for, who, what, when and where, which is a way to open up and investigate our participation within the words itself, so in essence, “Why am I even speaking these words” and using them in the contexts in which I do?

“Yep” the short version of agreeance to a prominent question asked and/or a side taking of sorts, claiming, “Yep” I believe “You” and will continue following along out of some form of fear, the fear that if I don’t, “You’ll” turn against me, and this is what is called a “Yes” man, seconding the Ideal, perceptions and beliefs of others, out of self-interest, only interested in the way I’m being treated and/or what I’ll get out of it in the long run, while running away from standing on my own two feet and stating my claim, being self-honest about what I hear and really don’t agree with, so “Yep” I’ve been down that road before into a point of not standing up and voicing myself, but letting the obvious slip by, which would eventually turn into gullibility.

“Yearning”, a longing, as in a desire for something or someone, especially within the design of relationships, where I felt as if I needed someone to complete me, always wanting someone next to me, with a hidden underlying starting point of having someone that would, second everything I did and would do to them (without and physical violence or abuse), out of my own self-interest, being that my interest was lopsided , doing things within that relationship that I wouldn’t accept being done by them, (such as smoking weed for example) with the excuse that I do enough bad for the both of us, so you shouldn’t do what I do, but what I say, which inevitably was the downfall of the majority of relationships I was in, and had to learn the hard way, that my “Yearning” for, was not for the completion of myself, but for someone who would let me control them, in a way, and me letting them control me in a way, instead of having the desire to investigate Self to see what this “Yearning” for things, was really all about, in order to Stop it and correct myself, for within the context I used it.

Positive

“Yawning” has always been an indication of belief that I was tired I thought to be a natural function of my body, and so a Positive thing, but never really investigating why when I knew I wasn’t tired did I “Yawn”, with no awareness that it was an indication that my Mind Consciousness System wanted to shut down, being that it was programmed to not hear things that would assist and support me to be Here in reality, in every moment of breath, so at the moment of “Yawning” is when I supposed to hear/see or realize something that my mind doesn’t want me to hear/see or realize, and should go back, ask/look and/or breathe to realize what it was that I let slip by during the moment I “Yawned”. And have also used” Yawning”, as a purposeful point of manipulation, when not wanting to hear what someone has to say., and saw this veiling mechanism also as something Positive that I would use from time to time.

Negative

It’s interesting how when “You’re” “Young”, “You” want to be old, but when “You’re” old “You” want to be” Young” again, where I have found myself trapped within this conundrum, whenever someone would call me “Young” because I wasn’t old enough to do certain things that the older kids could do and go places they could, and thus saw this word as a Negative, that is until I became older, that I switched my tone.

Sounding of the words

Y

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and use the letter Y as a question to the words I use that ends with the letter Y, (and/or any word for that matter) asking myself, why/how am I going to use this word, that would have placed a guard of awareness over my mouth, to see the words I speak, and in which context I would use them, before I use them, then what would come out of my mouth, would make common sense, instead of senseless speaking, therefore I commit myself to watching the words that I speak, by questioning why would I, and how am I going to use this word, before I speak it.

Why

You

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have used the word You, as a point of blame, claiming that, You did this to me, and I saw what You did, always You, You, and you, instead of accepting my role in the matter and taking responsibility for being partly, as fault as well, then coming up with a solution that would be best for You and I, that would stop all conflict in its tracks. Therefore, I hereby redefine the word You as a point of self-placement within the matter, that I am blaming You for, and so commit myself to taking responsibility for all matters I participate in, situations I get myself into, as the You I am speaking about.

Thanks for reading.

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About carltontedford

In Process.
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