Day 595: Withholding Reactions

It’s high times for all reactions within me to stop, being that I’ve been there, done that, and been back again and again lol and again, everytime the mind comes up with a more unique way for me/us to react to. Unique in the sense of, I didn’t see that coming, but we did, with the assumption that I’m not going to react to this, then do, as if the reaction was a drug/alcohol and we couldn’t resist when peer pressured into doing so by the mind, like saying, I’m not going to look, I’m not going to look, I’m not going to look, then peeking out the corner of your one eye, while keeping the other closed, then saying, I didn’t want to see that – the same as saying, I didn’t want to and shouldn’t have reacted to that, I mean it’s always after the fact we realize to react was useless, it didn’t serve me or anyone I reacted to well-being.

Withholding reactions is like waiting in line for the girl’s bathroom at a sports game, because it’s always long, where the buildup of reactions accumulates within you, until you explode on someone or yourself. Prime example; and for context, (A lot of times when we think things are not working right, we’re possibly being assisted to slow down, by OURSELVES, but since there’s no one physically Here telling us, we don’t see it).

Anyway a while back I realized that a few of the letter buttons on my computer often times cut out on me; to be more specific, the ‘e’, ‘g’ and ‘h’ button, right in the middle of my flow when writing, where I then have to slow down and calmly, continuously push these buttons until they decides to work, point being that I’ll sit there calmly and push these buttons continuously, until I start feeling a movement coming up within and as me, and right before the outburst occur, at the point of reaction; “Hey the ‘e’ button decides to works”, like AAGGH, which is me getting pissed off internally, where after experiencing this quite a few time, I had an Aha moment and after investigating this Aha moment, I notice that if I’m rushing into writing and/or going off track while writing, these buttons would stop working, but if I’m focused on what I’m writing about, they’ll work just fine, imagine that, Withholding Reactions, but to be totally honest there has been plenty of times, I’ve reacted in frustration and anger, got up and walked out to cool off, with some Crazy thoughts going through my mind, then realized IT’S ME, I AM CONTROLLING OF ALL OF THIS MYSELF, not the universe, my buddy or something or someone else controlling me, so be grateful, you’ve just realized a way to communicate with yourself, I mean if you give the mind room, it’ll build you a spaceship and fly you to the end of existence, if you let it, (per se).

I mean things always happen but we seldom realized that we’re in the drives seat of it all, and of course outside of things naturally reaching its expiration date, which is actually the warranty in some cases, and/or regular ware and tare, but what I’m referring to is when at one moment things are working fine, then the next it’s not, then once your attention has resurfaced, it start working again, that’s when you give yourself a sigh of relief, but then find it happening again, because you just went back into your mind again, almost like trying to write a blog on an energy fix and posting it in this forum = not going to happen. But what’s not realized is YOURSELF is not letting you put yourself out there like that, and that’s where the reaction comes in, were instead of taking heed to things not working correctly on purpose, we fight it tooth and nail, pushing for it to work, because we really want to get out there, what we really want to say in that moment (which most likely is not cool), so after much pulling and tugging with yourself, it’s like yourself will say; “Ok go ahead” and you do so, but later on regret what you put out there and didn’t listen to yourself telling you NO about.

Now the withholding point comes in when, let’s say you’re in a public place and faced with things not working correctly, instead of screaming and banging on it like a mad man, we growl and grumble inside and end up saying ‘Fuck this shit’, giving up, putting what we’re working with away, and walking out on ourselves, instead of taking a breath in that moment, calming down, and recheck over what you’re doing, where you’ll then find out what the fuss is all about, which end up being the most simplest thing you can imagine, and for example and in my case, usually word play and/or, it’s just not something we should be doing or writing about in that moment, in which case these withheld reaction create consequences that are not withheld, and if it’s something you really have to do and get done, why not take the time to slow yourself down and heed what’s being shown to you by YOU, because once you sit down to do it the next time, the same thing may happen..

To be continued…

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About carltontedford

In Process.
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