Day 593: One Moment is Not Enough

Interesting how when walking throughout my day, when faced with a point that I see/realize what it is, then move onto correcting it, afterwards I feel as if I’ve done something big, which it is in a sense, but after that I sort of get the big head of praising myself for that one point and end up missing the other points that comes up, as if I’ve done my good deed for the day or something, with no consideration of the point of continuous progress and progress in every moment with every breath.

I mean it’s easy enough to get caught up in a celebratory mode of praising me, for seeing/realizing and stopping a point in the moment, such as a reaction to something, like “yeah I done it”, but what about after that, where’s the forward movement, and this is where it gets tricky, because, what I’ll do is get caught up with tackling/handling the big points and totally miss/side step the small things that right in front of my face, as if to say; “it’s not a problem at all” and at times miss doing the correction for them, then end up later on having some sort of body pain and/or dozing off at the most unforeseen time and waking up frustrated that I did so, and ready to blame the world for my mishap.

I mean one moment is not enough and then pretending as if I don’t know or didn’t see that next point starring me right in the face, and just so happened the next jolly thought that comes up within and as me, as sort of a validation for me to not move forward and into correction as I just did the previous major point is; “You don’t want to overwhelm yourself now do you”, then look back at it like “yeah you’re right” and right there is the point of limitation through self-sabotage, where you’re giving your power away to the mind, by believing what it’s presenting as validation to why my process is slow moving.

What happens after that is “At least”, meaning, I’ll tell myself at least you corrected one point , which is obviously not enough, but seems as if so, in and right after the moment, not realizing that this too is self-sabotage and a form of resistance, but can easily go unnoticed as resistance if one is not careful, I mean, I call it my trickery mechanism, where I let my mind trick me into believing I did enough, and become satisfied in a way, and used to doing the minimum, but again one moment is not enough.

It’s rather interesting how when looking back at my life, I’ve followed this pattern of whenever, I’ve become a part of something, group/church/job, whatever, I would get the bases of what it is I’m supposed to do with this group, church or job and go with just that, meaning I wouldn’t take too much initiative, but just enough to hang in there ‘so to speak’ and get by, thinking that what I’m doing is enough, where at a job/church or some groups, it may be so, but what I realized is that this process is quite different, in the sense of one doing it for themselves.

So here you have the initiative of doing something for yourself and the realization of knowing that you can do more for yourself, and as I heard, it all depend on you, how long you want your process to be, which is fact, but the point being that, if I’m seeing/realizing this pattern within myself of; “One moment is not enough”, then I’m actually realizing that I’m able to do more within my process, such as correcting more point within my day and/or taking that extra step to go over some material or something, before my play time (per se) lol, So in correcting myself for this issue, because it’s me who have to do it and not you;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to walk throughout my day and when faced with a point that I see/realize what it is, move on to correcting the point then afterwards feel as if I did something big, then get the big head of praising myself for that one point and end up missing the other points that comes up after that, as if I’ve done my good deed for the day or something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take into consideration in and after that moment, the point of continuous progress, and that progress happens in every moment with every breath, as a constant awareness, of everything that happens in my world and around me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get caught up in a celebratory mode of praising me for seeing/realizing and stopping a point in the moment, like “Yeah I did it” then feed off of that brief accomplishment and forget about the forward movement in it all, forget about the next point brewing in the wind for me to see and tackle.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get caught up tackling/handling the big points and totally miss/side step the small things that’s right in front of my face, as if to say; “It’s not a problem at all”, thinking that it’ll somehow correct itself, where I at times miss doing the correction myself, then end up later on having some sort of body pain and/or dozing off at the most unforeseen time and wake up frustrated that I did so, and ready to blame the world for my mishap.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to overlook the things I deem as small, which is just as important as the big things, because later on I end up having pain about it, as if my body is telling. “Hello buddy, you forgot that small thing right there, yep that one” and/or doze off and experience the same.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when looking at the next point or small point, for me to handle, pretend as if I don’t know or didn’t see it starring me right in my face, but instead I listen to the next jolly thought that comes up within and as me, as sort of a validation for me to not move forward into correction of “You don’t want to overwhelm yourself now do you”, then look back at it like; “Yeah your right”, not realizing that right there is the point of limitation through self-sabotage, where I give my power away to the mind and believe what it’s presenting as validation to why I’m not moving forward in that moment and why my process is slow moving. I mean you can’t catch up if don’t move yourself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to then lease myself away to the mind (so to speak) by saying “At Least” I corrected one point, which is obviously not enough, but seems as if so, that I call my trickery mechanism to not see my shortcomings and realized that this too is self-sabotage and a form of resistance, but can easily go unnoticed as resistance, whenever one is not careful.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have followed a pattern throughout my life of whenever I’ve become a part of something, a group/church or job, I would get the bases of what it is, what I’m supposed to do with this group, church or job and go with just that, without taking any initiative to learn more, and /or do more, unless it suited my self-interest and that’s it.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that this process is much different, that It’s all up to me, how fast or slow I’m moving in my process, so thinking that One point in one moment is enough to do in my process in one day, slows my process way down, where inevitable I’m end up missing the point, due to this resistance I’m facing to moving forward and onto the next point and the next as they come up, and for the simple fact that I’m realizing this point shows that I am aware that I can do more than just one point a day per se, but as they come up, to correct them, that there’s no limitation to how many point that comes up, which means that I shouldn’t limit myself to how many point I correct within my day.

So, you see limitations only comes in when one is resistant to correcting certain points that seem to be too much to handle in the moment, that is until, you take the initiative to just move forward and realize how easier it becomes once you step into it and see that all point is basically the same, the only thing that changes is the type of reaction/emotion or feeling we attach to them.

So I commit myself to seeing/realizing and moving forward into correction, point after point that comes up in my day, to no longer limiting myself to thinking one is enough – seeing that that’s self-sabotage, means that I have the ability to correct myself, therefore I commit myself to correcting myself from sabotaging me to saving me in every way possible.

Thanks for reading.

Desteni.org

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About carltontedford

In Process.
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