Day 589: How did I Get to this Point

Most of my life, when looking back on it, has been much of a Blur, being that there’s things I can’t remember, and when told by someone that I did this or that back in the day, I can’t believe it, although after hearing it, realize; “Yep that sounds like me”, I mean, after being cooped up for the first part of my life, in religion, all I wanted to do was to experience the world and that’s what I did.

Being one sided in the way I viewed things, made my view extremely limited, stuck in an I’m right, because that’s all I know mind frame, didn’t make things any better, but only started to wake up in bits and pieces when what I knew, started revealing itself as a falsehood, due to me exploring, might I say the more of, so how did I get to this point?

A life full of ups and downs, mayhem, setbacks and disappointments, mostly disappointed in myself for the things I had accepted and allowed myself to participate in, unaware of the consequences that I would have to face later on in my life, that I had to deal with, with no tools of correction, that got me to this point, where something had to give, because to me I had had enough and enough was enough, and oddly enough it wasn’t some dramatic accident and/or incident that made me feel this way, the way I saw it was it was just time for a change., a re-invention of sorts without knowing, how this re-inventing me would turn out.

I remember as if it was yesterday following my same old routine of being out late then going to the After Hours club and standing close to the bar, when it dawned on me, that I had had enough of this irresponsible party lifestyle and everything that came with it, and although I hadn’t started my process as of yet, I knew that this was the beginning of changing me, that somehow, someway I needed a life overhaul, a life change and that’s when everything really started going downhill and fast, as it seemed.

I mean it was like, for some reason I unconsciously knew that in order for this change to take place, I had to start from scratch, (although this wasn’t what I told myself in the midst of it all), financially and with all my relationships, where it seemed as if almost everyone in my life, just fell of the maps away from me all at the same time, and I was left to walk the desert all alone, by myself, and of course there’s way more to this story as what I have stored in my memory bank that I won’t go into, but when looking back on it, for what it’s worth, surprisingly over all, I stood steadfast, but in the meantime and in between , yes, I bitched, moaned and cried about it all, but had to push through it, and that’s what I did.

Close to the end of my tenure (might I say), my time living where I was, is when I just so happened to come across Desteni Productions, YouTube channel, where from the first moment I saw the first video, I was hooked, line and sinker, lol, funnily enough it was almost like I prayed for answers and viola, there they were, and just so you know I was a Doubting Thomas and a debater to anything New back then, I mean you couldn’t tell me nothing about nothing lol, but this was something different, it wasn’t fake and it made complete common sense, so I had to fine more, as one of the videos was part of the History of Mankind Series and I wanted to start from the beginning, so that’s what I did, and here the kicker;

Half way through watching the series the channel was deleted and that right there, was the nail in the coffin for me, that right there confirmed to me that this was the real deal, and although I was still shook up and a bit shocked at what I was seeing, for some reason, it was like a part of me knew that this was where I belonged, but first I became frantic and had to find the videos again.

So, I went to the Website which was desteni.co.za back then and couldn’t find them, so being afraid that I might lose this information, I went through the site to the document page, with the idea of printing everything that I could out on paper, so I printed out the entire Structural Resonance Alignment documents by Veno, just in case I didn’t find the videos again, but kept searching and by that time found them in different languages and downloaded everyone I could find.

Anyway this information still being foreign to me,, I became overzealous and wanted to tell everyone I knew about it, but little did I know, this would be the end of quite a few more relationships, including a few family members, I mean all of a sudden my phone just stop ringing, and as I now had all of this information, I still had a sense in me of wanting to do my own old thing, but found that the more I would do my own old thing, the more things would fall apart, to the point of becoming completely irresponsible with no one and nowhere to turn, as at the time I didn’t realize that the two don’t mix, so I eventually packed up what I had left and moved to the next state over with a friend of mine.

In the next post, I’ll continue with what happened when I got here, but still wasn’t HERE, some 5 years ago till now.

To be continued…

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About carltontedford

In Process.
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