Day 586: Keep It Pushing (Moving Forward In my Process)

Whenever I’ve made a mistake in the past and/or have fallen when walking a particular point, there’s a pattern that I follow of having this sort of extended depressive feeling lingering around within and as me and although this feeling is in relations to the point, brought on by beating myself up about the fall/mistake, for example, me telling myself “what was I thinking”, this depressive feeling also comes from thinking about how others would view me now after making the mistake and writing about it, which I know is a form of self-judgment, spawning the thought of wanting to give up to come up within and as me, but I end up doing the only thing I know how to do, at this point in my life and that is to “Keep it Pushing”, and eventually move passed the point and let it go.

Thing is, the in between time from making the mistake/fall and getting over it and letting it go is way too long, as something I need to correct and practice doing in the moment, but hopefully not too much practice, lol, meaning that would be a lot more falling, but to do as I was assisted with to do, which is after correcting myself to simply breathe and let it go, as the time wasted could have been used for something else in my life, so for this;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to after making a mistake and/or falling when walking a particular point, follow a pattern of having this sort of depressive feeling lingering around within and as me, for an extended period of time, instead of learning from my mistake/fall, correcting it a simply letting it go.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel depressed after making a mistake/falling, instead of correcting myself in the moment, which would stop the depression from coming up within and as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I need to feel bad as punishment for the mistakes I make, instead of walking my corrections immediately afterward.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to waste too much time in this depressive state, in between the time I’ve made the mistake and when I finally decide to correct and get over it, breathe and let it go.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into this depressive state also when thinking about how other would view me now after making a mistake a writing about it, as I see/realize/understand that I am paying too much attention to what others think, when it should be all about me and how I’m going to correct myself, to no longer repeat the same mistake again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for the mistakes I make and the falls I have, when thinking others may judge me, then find myself in this depressive state for too long.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the thought of wanting to give up, still come up within and as me, although I know that I’m not, I see that the thought of it still exist within and as me, and needs to be released.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have carried this pattern around with me throughout my life, of after something has happen, a mistake and or something I’ve done, to feel depressed about it, as in showing remorse for what I’ve done, as this was the Ideal way to be in the religious belief system I was raised in, so God would forgive you.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that the time I wasted in between the mistake and getting over it, could have/can be used effectively for something else I need to work on in my life. I see/realize that becoming depressed and or feeling bad for what I’ve done, for an extended period of time, longer than the momentary realization of what I’ve done in the moment, is useless and so a waste of time, so;

When and as I see myself being “stuck on stupid” in this extended depressive feeling mode past the point of being aware and realizing what I’ve done to myself in the moment, I stop and breathe. I see/realize/understand that the time wasted in between the mistake and getting over it, can be used effectively for something else that I need to work on in my life, therefore this depressive state of being is useless and what I should do, is to Keep It Pushing, because without that there’s no progress in my process.

I commit myself to first off being aware of what I’m doing at all times to cut down/cut out the mistakes I make/have made, to no longer accept and allow myself to get pushed in the corner and end up fall/making a mistake to get out, but to see what I’m faced with and make the correct decision on how to move forward when moving forward with what it is.

I commit myself to no longer judge myself for the things I’ve done/mistakes I’ve made, but instead to learn from it and simply let it go, in the moment.

I commit myself to correcting, learning from, breathing and letting go of the mistakes I make in the moment, as the way to keep it pushing, to no longer accept and allow myself to waste time being depressed about what I’ve done, but to get over it and move on to the next point in my life.

Thanks for reading.

“Keep It Pushing”

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About carltontedford

In Process.
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