Interesting note the way things play out is never how you envisioned them to, which means the instant playouts we envision is really useless, which causes one to hope and wish for things to go a certain way and when they don’t, we then realize what was it all for, in other words, why did I waste valuable time thinking about what was to come, when what was to come didn’t playout as I expected, and what was Here needed my undivided attention and because I didn’t give what is Here my undivided attention, I now have to go back and do what I could have done before, and for me most of the time it ends up being process related, meaning the little extra things, as simple as reading another blog or moving ahead with my assignment and/or writing something out, redefining a word and so on and so forth, instead of rushing to completion.
But at times, these are the things we face the most resistant doing, not that we won’t do them, but what does it hurt to push it back a bit, because I have something planned. Seems harmless, but when you look at it, I realize those little extra things is what will move me forward in my process, and are well needed if I ever want to experience Instant Change, instead of Instant Playouts; So, for this;
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to still find myself following a pattern of; almost anytime I plan something, have something planned or going to do something, meet someone or go somewhere, later on in the day and/or the near future, I start thinking about it too much, where I would play out what I will do when I get there, with who and how I’m going to do it, basically how I would experience myself in the midst of doing it, as if I was doing it already.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within that lose focus on what I’m doing in the moment, I mean, not to the point of messing something up, but not allowing the Here-ness of Now to have my undivided attention.
I forgive myself that I have accepted an allowed myself to create these instant playouts in my mind to how I expect things to happen when I get to the point of doing what I have planned, and when it don’t, I become a bit frustrated looking back at the time I wasted thinking ahead too much.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach these instant playouts to the excitement energy, where I would try and fast forward my day as quickly as possible, just to get to this point of excitement, instead of doing more on my process for instance.
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to remain focus Here in the moment, instead of going into my mind about things I view as fun to come.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I have what I deem as fun things coming up later on in the day and/or in the near future, want to push back/hold off on doing my process related things till later, instead of going the extra mile to do things in the moment.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have used this point as an escape at times to not face a point in the moment, then have to come back to the point being that much harder to walk through, when if I would have walked through it before hand, before the “Fun” stuff it would have been easier to get through, but instead I would make things harder on myself.
I see/realize/understand that Instant Playouts as I have lived created them are Instant Copouts to doing something worthwhile in the meantime, as the interim time in between my regular daily work and the fun of what I have planned later, to fill it up with a bit more process related things, instead of mental expectation, that way I can experience more of an Instant Change of sorts, faster than my prolonged procrastination. So, I commit myself to fill up my interim times with more laying out my bases for self-change, instead of instantly playing out the first things that come to mind about what I have planned as fun to do later on. To live the word Here-ness.
Thanks for reading.