Day 576: Instant Playout

A pattern I see that I still follow is a fascinating thing how anytime I plan something, have something planned or going to do something, meet with someone or go somewhere later in the day and/or in the near future, I start thinking about it too much, where I start playing out what I will do when I get there, with who and how I’m going to do it, basically how I would experience myself in the midst of doing it, as if I was doing it already. Thing is, I then lose focus on what I’m doing in the moment, I mean, not to the point of completely messing something up, but not allowing Here-ness have my undivided attention.

It’s interesting how we attach these instant playouts to the excitement energy, where we build ourselves up to the moment and wanting to (if possible) somehow fast forward our day, skipping everything we have to do and/or planned to do, to jumping straight to the point of this excitement, which houses a happy feeling, but in the meantime, we may over look some steps, when losing focus on what’s at hand, before us, but oddly enough after we reach the excitement point, of that in which we have planned, most of the time, it’s not always what it’s all cracked up to be, and when the excitement is over, reality comes rushing back in, where we then realize the things we could have done and/or completed, before we rushed off on this exclusive date with this exciting energy, although we may have had fun in the process.

It’s almost like leaving your house dirty, before you go out of town or somewhere for a period of time, just to come back and have to clean up when you walk in the door, because it’s disgusting, which is one of my pet peeves, to go somewhere and come back to a dirty, filthy home, when all we had to do is to finish things beforehand.

But, back to these instant playout, where what happens with me is, I let these playouts last all the way up until I’m to do what I have planned, which to me really is a waste of time and although I do catch myself at times in the midst and forgive them, this energy is pretty strong, so I end up thinking of what’s to come, beforehand and even afterward, I tend to relay over in my mind, how it all played out and my part in it, which I would say is cool in a way because I get to check myself, how I was in during the time I had, but, I end up drawing it out WAY too much, then into wanting to go relieve the point again, although this is impossible, and what may seem as an easy point to one to get over, for me I’ll still walking this point, because all my life I’ve been doing the exact same thing with every point of excitement in the things I have had planned to do, and since I’m still in the starting phases of my process, I know this deeply ingrained point will take some time for me to overcome completely, to transcend, I mean what may be/seem as easy to some, may not be to others, so in the next post I’ll walk some self-forgiveness on this point.

To Be continued.


About carltontedford

In Process.
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