People change, but most of the time it comes when you’ve place yourself in a different setting, where around New people/those your meeting for the first time, we see this as a clean slate of sort, meaning we believe we’re able to start from scratch, then perpetuate which ever character we deem fit for this New environment, then tweak and change it according to the responses we get from other people, and call this behavior ‘getting in where you fit in’ and for most part it may work, because everyone else is doing the same, as long as it’s a short period of time, because if this time was extended the true you would inevitably come out, and your gig would be up.
Oddly enough the true host of the party/gathering, the ice breaker of sort and/or what people have in common the most, is alcohol consumption, where if one is not careful, their true inherent nature will come out, exposing beyond characterization who the person really is, behind the facade, then uh oh, people will now see you for who you are/have become. But on the other hand, if you remain the same, no matter how you are, people are more adaptable to accepting you for how you are, and that’s a proven fact.
For most part we always want people to see the best side of us and as long as they don’t pry too much into our business, we can pretty much maintain the face we’re presenting, but as soon as they ‘over step that boundary we have up, we react, which erases this face and start taking things for face bases, looking at people as if at any moment they might say something crazy to us, we have our guards up for such a case, which stops us from really getting to know someone New and them us, we’d rather run and hide to protect our Idealistic points of view, while telling others around us, I don’t like them for some reason, all because they asked the wrong question when just trying to get to know you.
It’s one thing to watch people, but another to while watching people see them as a reflection of yourself in a non-objective way, where it’s fascinating to say the least to see yourself through the actions of others, doing what I have done in my past, but still have the idea of maybe, possibly, wanting to do it again, which would only set one back in one’s process, to start all over again, and I can’t have that.
So what brought this topic on, was this past weekend, I was asked to go to a wedding out of town in Seattle with my cousin, so I went and for most part had pretty much a swell time, but experienced, (at the different gatherings surrounding the wedding), most of what I have written above, where looking back in hindsight at how I once was, whenever I was in a different setting with new people, was rather eye opening, to see how I once acted/transformed into different character around new people, but still had this lingering Idea of what it would be like if I was still be the same as I used to be, coming up within and as me.
I mean of course, by now I should know better and I do, so whenever the opportunity arose for me to slip back into an old pattern/way and/or behavior, I gracefully declined the chance to, leaving no inclination that I wanted to participate in what was going on through my body language, knowing that I would hate myself for it later as a final why not to, for most part I remained breathing throughout, but internally I found myself reacting to different things, along with having thoughts coming up within and as me of what if I was to, but didn’t, so for this;
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to different things when at a gathering surrounding a wedding I was asked to go to and went.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to praise the fact that I was stable and the same in this different setting externally, but at times internally reacted to different thing and had these thoughts to come up within and as me of what if I was to join in the festivities, knowing that this would be my demise.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have perpetuated a character change whenever I would enter into a different setting with New people throughout my life, thinking that I was getting in where I fit in and would tweak and change, altering the character in whichever way depending the responses I would get from others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have thought/perceived/believed that I needed to be someone different than who I was, when around other new people, being that I never really accepted me for just me in my past, character or not.
Thanks for reading.