Day 572: Realization When Sounding Self-Forgiveness

It easy to talk about stuff that you don’t really know about because you can just make shit up and make it sound good, but when you’re getting to the point of understanding what’s going on within yourself and in this world, for me it’s a different story, where at times it’s been a bit of a challenge to explain how I experience myself to other, my realization and some of the things I’ve been through to get to where I’m at now in my process, in conversation, where I would get a loss for words and/or my sentences doesn’t seem to come out correctly, which I know takes practice, thing is I don’t have regular conversations with people on the daily, because I’m just not around that many people for a lengthy period of time, so the conversations I do have, person to person is rather short, so the question for me was how would I be able to practice speaking/talking about what I’ve come to realize and understand about myself through repetition to achieve clarity when talking to others? I mean because this shit you just can’t make up, you either got it/getting it/know it or you don’t, there’s no in-between when walking, learning, understanding and speaking about who I am within my process.

One thing I do know is that, in my past, I’ve always been one to talk about what I knew/thought I knew, maybe not necessarily that I lived, and/or have tried to live but couldn’t quite grasp the outline of how to put into practical application the things I came to know, such a Religion for instance, where what was missing and not understood was the mind factor in it all, how the mind controlled the reality I lived in, so what I perceived from the mind was to talk about what I knew/thought I knew, heard from others and believed, to reciting scriptures verses (for instance) to No avail as much as possible and thought, maybe it would show in my words that I lived what I talked about, which wasn’t the case, because what I talked about/recited had no affect what so ever in changing me, but only solidified that my starting point for speaking, was for self-interested reasons, and most of the times I would make things up, from the first thing that came to mind, and used the words, “I Think” as an interim, between what I was reciting and what I made up, showing that I really didn’t know what I was talking about, because what I was talking about wasn’t substantial enough for me to live by.

Interesting how when looking back at my life, I had no interest in the actual meaning of word, everything that I spoke about, the words I used, was gathered from what I heard from others, and the context they used the word in, would gave me a broad spectrum of definition to go by, I mean there was No self-investigation back then or at least I never realized to investigate myself, and the only Sounding of anything as words I ever done, was when I wanted to remember lyrics of a song from someone and/or that I wrote myself and thought these lyric were the keys to life, claiming “That’s Deep”, when all Lyrics were back then (and even now) are “Lies that Ridicule” or “Ridiculous Lies” in reverse.

Fast forward to today and back to the question I posed earlier how would I be able to practice talking/speaking about things with clarity to other when having a conversation with someone, when I’m not around that many people for any lengthy period of time on a daily?

So, the other day while driving I found myself dozing off a bit and one of my committed solutions to handle this mishap is the Sounding of Self-Forgiveness, out loud, so as I started Sounding out my Self-Forgiveness, I realized after a while how it’s started becoming easier and easier to put my word together that made sense to what I was saying, when close to the end of this little session, I was able to see the words I wanted to say and understand them before I spoke them, then spoke them with the realization as to what I was saying with clarity, like wow, this was the first time I ever done this, then it dawn on me within this realization, how Sounding Self-Forgiveness is helpful and useful as the practice I need for when speaking to other, because even when having a normal conversation in the past, it was like I would speak in metaphor’s, funny thing, I was even told that one time by someone, when trying to explain an answer to one of their question, where I knew the answer but didn’t have to words to bring it out of me with clarity, and although that was a while back before I started walking my process, I see that there’s still work to do with correcting my speech, even though I have come so far from then .

And for me that’s where my practice speaking comes in at, where by Sounding Self-Forgiveness, helps me to understand what I’m forgiving and what for, which is how it should be when I’m speaking to someone, unscripted, so I saw that as a cool realization and assistance (and with practice) to be a cool way to practice my speaking when others are not around, so that when I’m in a conversation with someone, I don’t fumble over my words or jumble up my sentences, where things can naturally flow as they do when I now Sounding Self-Forgiveness. So, in the next post I’ll do some Self-Forgiveness on this point.

To be continued…


About carltontedford

In Process.
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