Day 571: Not Considering the Whole (Self-Forgiveness)

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have witness things happening in my world and in my life to others and have said to myself; “I’m glad that it wasn’t me that these things happen to”, in not considering the other person as part of the whole of humanity, stuck to my own vices, where I have devised a way to separate myself from the whole when conflict arises, then it’s all about me and fuck the rest, that is until I need something from that part of the rest who I have built some form of relationship with, that suits my self-interest in times of need, that I call my friends and/or family.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have on the other hand, screamed bloody murder when something has happened to me and wanted someone to come save me from experiencing a Pit fall (After the fact), no matter how burdensome my problem was that I had gotten myself into, then if no one would consider me, I would blame what I was experiencing to be their fault in a way for not coming with consultation, the moment I wanted it, believing that I needed it, while wallowing in self-pity, instead of standing up and piecing myself back together.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sigh with relief after going into my mind and thinking something was wrong with me, when finding out something was not working, then realized that I wasn’t at fault and instead of considering the whole that might have been affected more than me, I would rather state, that I thought I did something wrong and laugh about it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have not seen the whole as me, in every way possible, therefore when things happen, I would only consider myself and those closest to me, as in close friend and or maybe some family members and that’s it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have in the past reverted into fear and walked passes a situation, that I could have interceded and helped someone out of, but thought that if I did I would be faced with conflict more so, for interrupting what was going on in the first place, then saw someone else step in a calm the situation down, where at the time I didn’t consider the whole as I would myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have forecasted this projection of fear on to myself, letting this fear control me in moments that I was needed most, that would stop me from doing unto others as I would like to be done unto myself, with no regards to the consequences they may have faced, because I only considered me outside of the equation.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize in the past the affect my action would have on other, not considering that whatever I do others are watching, that may follow my lead into the consequences I faced, that’s why it’s important to be aware of what I am doing / how I react at all times because you never know when someone is watching and then more consequences would fall on me for them falling into the trap (per se) that I set, through the actions I perpetuated.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have also feared that if I was to consider others maybe they wouldn’t consider me back, which is a one-sided way of looking at things, with a starting point of only considering other, if there’s something in it for me, which shows how we have defined ourselves according to our inherent nature of spiting another if they don’t fall in line with what my self-interested wants need and desire are, if I do theirs.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize an action-less consideration is just the saying; “I thought about you” and that’s it, but placing Self as all into the equation is not only a consideration, but a step in the right direction of self-correction and change, being that one would now be seeing all as oneself, which is considering the whole as me.

When and as I see myself as another in a situation and /or a situation arise where I only consider me in the equation, without placing/implementing others as me in the equation that may affect them as well, I stop and breathe, I see/realize/understand that by being inconsiderate only personifies the separation I exist as, internally, within my world and reality, that perpetuates the external as the world system to remain consistently inconsiderate to the Whole of all life forms that exist on this planet, equally. So, I commit myself before jumping into bed with mind in selfish-preservation, to consider all in everything I do in my Words/Ways/Deeds/and Actions.

Thanks for reading.

Desteni.org

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About carltontedford

In Process.
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