Now I’ve attached myself to quite a few things throughout my life, but none more than my mind and it’s interesting how this attachment works because no one ever talks about how we are/have been/being controlled by the mind we’ve attached ourselves to, with emotional and feeling attachments.
It’s pretty amazing how we’ve attached ourselves so much so to these feelings and emotions that when we think we’re not reacting, in fact we’re reacting, where the mere frustration, can come in the simplest form of just opening a jar, where in the initial moment we’re having trouble opening it, so we breathe, but the emotional reaction is still there, very subtly, but it’s there of frustration and God forbid anyone say; “Here let me help you”, Oh no, I mean we’ll hold it in, in front of them and maybe smile and say “I got it, but on the inside we’re like AHHGG. And when we do finally open it, we act as if nothing took place, but the consequences has already been made, because of our attachment to the mind.
The way we feel strongly about the way we feel is where the attachment to someone or some other thing comes in, where we would do just about anything to keep this feeling alive and that someone/other thing in our possession, making ourselves possessed by this someone or other thing, but if this feeling as an attachment wasn’t there, would we feel the same way about this someone/other thing, where we would possibly hurt someone or even kill someone over it.
If it makes sense the way that thing makes us feel is the point of attachment, for example, in my past I’ve built up a nice collection of music equipment and was the only one who knew how to work it, in the meantime, I had a group of friends with whom I did music with and at that time the feeling I’ve attached to making music was like none other, to be able to create and complete a full song from scratch, I derived positive energy from, it made me happy, to where it got to the point of me believing that if I didn’t have this music equipment, I would lose my ability to make me happy, therefore, I didn’t allow/didn’t want anyone to touch it out of the fear of what if they messed something up. What started happening was whenever I would go somewhere and come back the equipment would be turned on and things loaded up wrong and I would get mad. This went on for a period of time, where we ended up losing a few archived song, but no one fessed up to it, but it wasn’t until one of my friends said what will it hurt to teach someone else how to use it as well, that way when you’re not around we can still do music, so after much resistance, I did, and for most part, lost nothing else, thing is the idea of attaching such a selfish feeling to my material possession, came with a price of consequences that I had to faced and now looking in hindsight, I realized that all this was useless and avoidable.
Fast forward to today the attachment as reacting to feeling a certain way about what someone has done and/or said is basically the same thing, but different scenario that results in having to face similar consequences, but more on an internal level, where the factor is me and only me, being that in situations I’ve allowed myself to react by taking things personally, so the wanting to get even aggressive feeling is what I’ve attached myself to, which stems from embarrassment, another emotional attachment.
Once I started walking my process I started to realize what was missing was me understanding, who I am/how I am/what I am and have become and how to correct it, but as of late what I realized is that in order for me to really correct myself, I need to detach myself from these emotional and feeling attachments. So more self-forgiveness to come.
To be continued.