Day 561: What I think you Need (Self-Forgiveness)

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have thought that I knew what you, you and you need, being the people in my life in my past that I would spread my assumptive beliefs onto, as to what I think they needed to do, hear and say, when all I was doing was spreading hearsay that I’ve heard from someone else and believed, to be used as knowledge and information, and spread it around without being investigated and lived by myself first, in the Here and Now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have thought I was a problem solver, that could solve anyone’s problem, when listening to them rant and rave, where I would immediately go into thinking I know what they need to do about their problems and situation, then expected a resounding OK, after spilling my guts to them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have wholeheartedly believed I knew the truth of things enough to tell people what they need to do (growing up) when I was still wet behind the ears to what was really going on in the world of relationships and life in general, as I was only privy to bits and pieces of a one-sided story when looking at the relationships of those in my world who had gone before me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have told other people’s stories, as the “what I think you need”, to someone else, without having lived the words that I spoke to them, for their resolve, which is in fact a hypocritical way of thinking and communicating, that may have caused consequences for the other person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have in the past, not lived the need to do’s, as a correction to my own life first and foremost, before opening my big lips to tell others what they need to do in their own life, to as an observer we all have done this at one point or another in our lives, that we need to correct within ourselves.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have only scratched the surface of problems faced by others in giving them my opinion with the limited knowledge and information I had, that I didn’t live myself that may have compromised their resolve in a way, if they listened to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in thinking I know what other need, not realize how I was blinding myself in the past with the idea that nothing was wrong with me, as a self-sabotaging mechanism I perpetuated onto myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself when realizing what I needed to do to change myself, initially resisted the work that comes with walking one’s process and changing oneself, being that I was all talk and no action, without asking the question, how do I change me into who I really am as life. And within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have been all talk and no action, thinking that as long as I knew what to do I was ok, but sadly mistake, at the time, there was no forward progress in my process, and things just became harder.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have experienced someone thinking they knew what’s best for me, which they probably did, but I refused their services, because it didn’t suit my self-interest, plus I believed I knew all that I needed and didn’t need them telling me what I need to do, but again sadly mistaken, what I told myself didn’t work and caused me greater consequences than I was already facing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have perpetuated the ‘My way or the Highway’ character syndrome, in the attempt to, while continuing down the same path, alter what was being told to me, in the form of support that I needed to do, in steps needed to be taken to experience the change in me, spitefully state to myself “it has to be my way tough”, as the selfish person I was, therefore I remained stuck within my ways for quite some time, moving Nowhere, without considering the destructive path I was on.

So here was a few points I saw that needed to be looked at in the moment, being that in those moments when we lose ourselves, by thinking we’re the resolve to others problem/situations, we fail to see/realize the most important point of all, which is ourselves, where, what have we done to resolve our own problems, are we the living examples of the solutions we’ve walked within our own problem, that works unequivocally, and if so then we’re able to assist others that’s walking their own path, without thinking, but sharing what we’ve lived in our own lives, because that’s what I needed to do and was all the better for it.

Thanks for reading.

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About carltontedford

In Process.
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